It was 2am in the morning and I still lay there awake. I was still trying to comprehend everything that had happened that night. I just asked him why he couldn’t help with the dishes, which then turned into a three-hour blow up and us going to bed so angry at each other. My first thoughts in the argument were “why is he acting like this?” “How could he treat me so badly?” “Why do I do everything?” I now realize I should have been asking different questions:
How can I understand better why he is acting this way?
Do I understand the situation?
What might be causing this reaction?
Am I doing everything in my life to make this successful?
Is it I?
I began to reflect upon the last week. I might have forgotten to read my scriptures a few times; I might have even forgot to say prayers. I began to be overwhelmed with guilt that it was not my husband that needed to change, but that I did. That I needed to be the one who better understands. Tears flooded my eyes, as I felt so sad for my actions, how many times have we felt wronged because we were unable to see the other side of the situation in the moment?
How many times have you been in a similar situation to this? When something very small becomes something massive? Do we make a bigger deal out of nothing? How do we overcome such trials? We begin by putting the Lord first!
Ezra Taft Benson taught, “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.”
Do we out the Lord first? Do we have daily prayer and scripture study? Do we pray with our spouse to better defend our marriage?
In Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, it says, “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ provides an eternal perspective.” Do we only think of the here and the now when the toilet seat is left up again? Do we only think of the here and the now when your spouse folded your shirts all wrong again? What about the piece of trash that they left lying on the table for a day? If we let these things bother us and we doing look at the whole picture it can really ruin us. Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage says, “Over time we transform irritations into evils. With time we come to think of our partners as disappointments in failures.”
Have we started down this path? If so, how can we halt the brakes and return to a marriage that looks at the eternal perspective? Do we want our spouse to think of us as perfect, but refuse to do the same for them?
Are we on the verge of losing all hope in what we have because we have lost our eternal perspective? Don’t give up because of the little things. Heavenly Father is there and he will help you seek the good in the precious gift of marriage.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks speaks of marriage in this video:
President Gordon B. Hinkley has said that when we focus on ourselves in marriage it usually is the cause for all problems that lead to broken homes. Are we concerned for our spouse? Do we give them the attention that they seek and need? Do we allow them to feel special? How do we spend our time? Are we being selfless?
Heavenly Father has blessed us with a loving spouse. He loves us so much to do this! Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage says, “One of the best-kept secrets in this world is that troubled, painful relationships can become both satisfying and growth-promoting as we fill ourselves with faith in God and love for his purposes.”
How are you doing on turning to God and filling yourself with his love?
We must faith as we go through marriage. We need faith in his plan. As we turn to the Lord in trials he will help us overcome them! As we are selfless we can strengthen our marriages. As we turn to our spouses we will be filled with the light of Christ. Let us all ask ourselves what is our plan and where are we going? If our plan is to be with our spouse for eternity let us ask ourselves how far have we turned to the Lord and brought him into our marriage to help us and protect us?