How Divorce Affects Kids
Have you ever been sitting at the crossroads of contemplating getting a divorce or staying married? Are you are sitting at that crossroads now? Are you contemplating if divorce is right for you?
I know when I was going through my divorce my ex-husband and I were worried about how this would affect our kids. The last thing we wanted was for them to struggle because of our decision. I mean they weren’t the reason we were getting divorced.
If you are thinking about divorce, there are 10 Things You Need to Know about How Divorce Affects Kids.
The Effects of Divorce on Kids
Spoken By Real Adult Kids of Whose Parents Got a Divorce
Kids Naturally Blame Themselves
In a divorce situation, kids blame themselves. They think it is all their fault. Kids feel as though they are the reason their parents got a divorce. They begin to think if I would have done this or that, mom and dad would still be together. They will wonder forever if they would have done things differently if mom and dad would still be married.
It Was Easier to Give Up
Kids whose parents went through a divorce said it was easier to give up because they saw others give up. It was easy to give up on homework or school assignments. When sports challenged them or they didn’t get playing time, they quit. Whenever things got hard, it was easy to stop doing them.
Kids whose parents divorce suffer academically. These kids usually have more behavior issues as well as lower grades. When asked why they blame increase stress levels at home.
Kids tend to be more aggressive. They get into more fights. The cause of this due to them not understanding why their parents can’t be together. This causes them to take their aggression out on others. Kids whose parents divorce are more likely to end up in jail as a teen.
Kids of divorce are more likely to experiment with drugs or alcohol. They use this as their crutch, as their escape. It is important to talk to your teens about drugs and alcohol. If you begin to wonder if your teen is using, check for signs. If you find your teen with an addiction get them the help they need.
Lack of Trust
Kids of divorce have issues trusting others. They say that they are always assuming the worst of others. Often times as children they were told one thing and then it never happened. This taught them that they could not always trust what people say.
Children are more insecure when coming from a home of divorce. These kids struggle with not feeling smart enough or good enough. They demonstrate these insecurities with all aspects of their lives.
I was talking to a friend the other day. They were getting married in a few weeks. My friend was excited to get married, but they were also scared. They were the product of 6 divorces growing up. They worried about being with the same person for the rest of their life. Growing up in a divorced home, they did not have an example of commitment, so they were worried to make that commitment that they had seen fail so many times.
Kids feel more pressure. These kids feel the need to build a better life than the one they had. They have a need to better more than perfect at the things that caused their parents to fail. These kids are constantly seeking for a better life and have a harder time being happy with what they have.
The Effects of Divorce Don’t End when Kids Grow Up
Parents think as soon as kids leave the house then the kids will be fine, but the truth is divorce is part of them forever. Your kids will constantly always be thinking of your divorce in their minds while making decisions. The divorce you have will in a way define your child.
Divorce is a permanent solution to sometimes a temporary problem. It not only affects you, but it affects your children. When thinking about divorce, think about all those you are affecting. It might seem easier to leave than to stay and fight for your marriage. Ask yourself have I exhausted all my efforts? Have I done everything I can? How can I help my kids through this?