Marriage, married life, relationship skills

Do We Spend our Time Wondering or Loving?

Do-we-Spend-our-time-showing-our-love-or-wondering-if-they-love-us

I love this saying because it helps me to really focus on what is important! I am such an over analyzer and I am always wondering or assuming rather than showing my love for my husband. When we think about it, of course we know that our spouse loves us, so rather than us focusing on wondering, let’s focus on showing them just how much we love them!

baby, Marriage, parenting, relationship skills

4 Tips to Help Your Marriage Survive a New Baby

208 days ago my husband and my life changed once again when we welcomed by #5 into our home! I still remember those precious moments after Tony’s birth that I quietly got to spend with my husband. These moments in my eyes are some of the most special ones a couple can experience together sharing in the joy of this beautiful infant being brought into the world.

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After a day or two in the hospital you get to bring home this beautiful infant and you soon you realize that your entire lives have been turned upside down, caring for this infant who needs your attention around the clock. It is easy to get caught up in the taking care of the baby that you quickly forget about your relationship with your spouse and only focus on feeding schedules, lack of sleep, and the fact that you constantly smell like spit up, I get it! I’ve been there many times, we have a lot of kids.

I would have to say that having a new baby in my eyes is one of the hardest times (but yet one of the most special times) in your marriage just because of the hormones, lack of sleep, and trying to figure out how to get everything done. I think it is only natural that we quickly start replacing time with our spouse with infant feedings, diaper changes, and other necessary things we need to do for our baby. So how can we care for our brand new babies, but yet continue to focus on our relationship with our spouse?

I have discovered when I focus on a few small simple things that our relationship not only stays strong, but I also get more help with the baby and the other kids, bonus for me right?! So on to the tips that can help your relationship survive your new bundle of joy!

Appreciate the Little Things

It’s so easy after having a baby to go a little crazy! I mean think about it… lack of sleep, something literally always attached to you, hormone levels are all over the place, your hair is falling out making you wonder if you will wake up bald tomorrow, and the one thing you fear the most is that someone is going to come and get your baby sick and send you back to the hospital so you become a major germaphobe! With us, as moms, so caught up with all these things, it is so easy for us to forget about the diapers our husbands changed, the trips to the store he took to get more pads because we were leaking through every shirt we owned, or the fast food he picked up on his way home from work so we didn’t even have to think about who was going to clean up after dinner. Of course these things don’t go unnoticed by us, but sometimes we get so caught up in the moment doing other things that we don’t let our husbands know how much we appreciate them. We should take the time to verbally acknowledge how much we appreciate these small acts and let them know that they don’t go unnoticed.

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Connect Each and Everyday

I know what you are thinking! Trust me, I think it too! In fact, connecting each day is the last thing that I want to do, (If you don’t believe me, just read To My Husband), but it is necessary to continue to strengthen your relationship. So how can you do this when you can’t do certain things for 6 weeks according to the doctors? Well, of course there can be lots of kissing, hand holding, and back rubs, snuggling just the two of you in between all the cries from your newborn, late night feedings, and diaper changes.

After the 6 weeks are up, make time for your hubbies, we don’t want them to be grumpy. 🙂 I know you are tired, I know you don’t want to be touched, I know all you want to do is to go to sleep, but I promise taking this time with one another will 1. Put him in a good mood  2. Encourage him to help more and 3. Strengthen your relationship and show that the two of you are still important to one another!

So take a nap, when the baby sleeps (no one will know, I promise). Take a shower every couple of days and make sure to make your spouse a priority too!

 

Kiss Criticizing Goodbye

Ask my husband, I’m Queen Bee when it comes to criticizing, but with a new baby it is a learning experience for everyone so we need to kiss the criticizing Goodbye! With so many crazy baby things out there it is easy to be confused between bumbos and boppies. And who really remembers to point little boy parts down so you don’t get peed on at the 3am feeding? I am sure that your husband did not intend for your baby to pee through everything and on you in the middle of the night. Swaddling is an art and I’m sure you weren’t an expert the first time either, so let’s let him catch a break. So go easy on our spouses and kiss the criticizing goodbye and be grateful they are an active participant in your baby’s life trying to help make your life easier, even if it’s not the way you would normally do it.

It’s Not all About the Baby

I totally get that we all just got another demanding full time job (a newborn!), but I am going to let you in on a little secret… Ready for it? Your life doesn’t always have to revolve around that sweet little infant. Not everyone wants to hear what color their poop was that day, or that they were awake for 3 hours 26 minutes and 15 seconds. When your husband gets home from work really listen to what he is saying, rather than half listening and half thinking when the next feeding is and what side the baby needs to eat on… Let’s make sure we allow our spouses to feel important, even with our lack of sleep and engorged boobs.

With all this being said, babies grow up so fast, so soak up their smells and kiss that soft skin. Nurse them for a few minutes longer because those moments will quickly pass you by, but just don’t forget about your spouses in the meantime. Show your spouse’s how much you love them and how grateful you are for this life that you are building together.

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How are you going to show your spouse you appreciate them today?

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Blogmas, Christmas, Holidays, Marriage, relationship skills

Date Night in December

Welcome to Blogmas 2017! We are so excited to have Trendy2Teens with us today! Giving us tips on Great Dates this December! Check out their website

Date Night in December

(For you & your spouse)

 

Ladies & Gents, welcome to your date guide for the 12 days of Christmas, how excited are you that Christmas is almost here? The best part is when you get to spend it with your lover. This is my favorite time of the year so, I’m ready to deck the halls and start sleighing all the way 😉 Being happy this holiday season is a must so here are your 12 days of Christmas Date Ideas. Be prepared to read the word Christmas a lot!

  • Christmas Movies!!! You and your lover can get matching PJ’s, socks and cozy uptogether for a night on the couch, while eating Christmas cookies and drinking hot chocolate! Obviously the best because it’s Christmas! How awesome is it to have this perfect moment while watching a movie?? If you don’t know what movies to watch, check out my favorites here:
  • Light Show!!! Find a local light show/tree lighting around town, get in the car and go! The best way to have fun is to pack some Christmas cookies and play some Christmas music! While going through the track of lights, just to spice it up, every time you see Santa Claus… KISS!
  • Make Christmas Cards… the best time to be creative and know who the real crafty one is 😉 and to be even more romantic go give your cards to the local homeless shelter! All different colored cards with glitter, glue, and fun items will make them have more meaning!
  • Create Gingerbread Houses!!! Contest? Who can make the best one? Couple vs couple? Go buy the box with the house & get extra decorations and icing so yours can be the best! Bonding time=the best time.
  • Go Ice-Skating!!! The one who falls first has to kiss the other 🙂 This is a fun experience and a funny experience all in one!
  • Go see a Christmas show!!! There are so many churches, dance studios, and even theaters that are doing shows that revolve around Christmas. Support your community and go see one!
  • Play in the snow!!! No matter how old you are, the snow is AMAZING. 13, 23, 33, 43, or even 53. Go outside with your spouse and throw a snowball at them! Have some sparkle, jolly, twinkle fun! When you find out who wins the snowball fight, build a snowman! After your hands are frozen, go for a walk and then go cozy up by the fireplace and drink some hot chocolate!
  • Have a Christmas photo shoot!!! It could be in front of the tree or under the mistletoe! Snap a few photos of each other and together.
  • Go Holiday Shopping!!! Did you get that last minute gift for your sibling? Your mom? Grandma? Your spouse could probably help you out! Bring them along and pick it out together. Then later on, wrap the presents together!
  • Bake Christmas Cookies!!! Santa isn’t the only one that loves cookies! Turn up the Christmas tunes & dance around the kitchen while making cookies. This could even turn into a dance off or a food fight (those are the best).
  • Attend a Holiday Party!!! Get dressed up and go out on the town. With you two looking spiffy, Santa is bound to bring you two gifts 🙂 you two can go celebrate being a couple!
  • Have a game night!!! Pull out those board games and turn on some Christmas music. (Christmas music is a must for all of these) and see who can win the game!

Thank you guys for reading, hope this helped and come let us know how your 12 days of Christmas went!

 

Trendy2Teens consists of two teenage girls, Kaitlyn and Sara, who love fashion, beauty, fitness and travel!

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Date Night in December

 

 

Marriage, married life, Mom Life, My Life, parenting, relationship skills

To My Husband

To My Husband

To My Husband,

I promise it’s not you… It’s me…

You see it goes like this… All day and all night I am touched. My body is not my own right now. It seems our 4 month is always latched on or attached to me somehow and our two year old waddles behind me all day touching my bum and wanting up.

By the end of the day, I have been spit up on, barfed on, drooled on, had snot wiped on me, worn a little breakfast on my sleeve, and now am covered in dinner because someone was “helping me” all without a shower because I just didn’t have time in my day.

I have been pulled on, dragged by the hand to turn on the TV, laid on, and slept on since the moment I woke up this morning.

I don’t remember the last time I actually felt pretty because who feels pretty when they are pregnant and then after a baby you just still feel fat because nothing fits quite right. On top of that who has time to paint their nails, or shave their legs, or put on makeup or do their hair? Certainly not me…

By the end of the LONG day of taking care of kids the last thing I want is to be breathed on, touched, or laid on because I have been touched all day. My body is currently not mine. It is shrinking back to normal size as well as fulfilling the purpose of feeding our child.

Every morning when I wake up I make the decision that today is going to be the day when I show you all the affection in the world when you get home from work and I can show you just how much I love you, but then reality hits, and the last thing I want to do is show any more affection or stay up even one minute later after the kids go to bed because I am tired, mentally and physically.

So I ask you to please just be patient with me. Please continue to love me even when I push you away. Continue to take me on dates even though at first I complain that I have to put on real clothes. Continue to try to kiss me even though I turn my cheek the other way. Continue to grab my hand when you want me to hold yours… Continue to love me through this stage of our life.

I promise I want you to touch me and snuggle with me in bed and hear all about your day. I promise my love for you grows each and everyday, even though I might not always say it or show it. I promise my world would be incomplete without you in it. I promise I miss you when you are gone and can’t wait for you to come home each day. I promise that one day I will be back to wanting to be touched, wanting to hold your hand, and wanting to be constantly kissed by you. I promise I love you more than I can say and express, and one day when I feel like myself again I will show it. So in the meantime please know that I love you more than anything and just be patient with me.

Love,

Me

 

 

 

Marriage, married life, My Life, relationship skills, Uncategorized

Heaven help Me! Not Another Home Improvement Project!

heaven help me

Two months before my husband and I got married we bought a fixer upper in the perfect neighborhood in the city we were living in. We knew he had two months to fix it up and get it to our standard of liveable before we combined households and moved in.

This house was disgusting when we bought it; it needed a whole new paint job because of booger stained walls, it needed new carpet because of fecal matter from pets, it smelt like a zoo had been living their for years, the tile floors needed to be stripped down because the previous owners tried a DIY project that obviously went bad, the cabinets were caked with 3 inches of grease, the countertops had lost its grout because of poor maintenance, and the backyard was unfinished. Sadly, this house was only 5 years old and had sustained this much damage and abuse. They always say buy the worst house in the best neighborhood, well we did!

We were so ill prepared for what we were going to take on as a “happily engaged” couple. We had set a budget and had an idea of what we needed to do, but that was about it. We had never worked on a project together before, never really talked about decorating, or desires so you could say that we were going in blindly to the project.

I recall our first “discussion” about the house when I realized that renovating a house with anyone, especially my fiance might have been the worst thing I ever decided to do!  One night, we were talking about paint colors and painting when I suggested that we paint the house a few different colors (not all in the same room) to give the house some character. I also suggested we paint the house a nice warm color that was not tan, because at that time everyone’s house was tan. The look that was shot across the room for suggesting something other than tan was priceless! He then followed it up  with, “What do you mean a different color, we are painting it tan.”

Continue reading “Heaven help Me! Not Another Home Improvement Project!”

Marriage, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 4

 
Today we conclude our love mapping series. How has it been going? If you missed our previous posts on enhancing our love maps, click here or here or here.

Love Maps Part 4

We made it! Congratulations you know your spouse better now than you probably ever have before, now it is time to sit back relax and put your feet up because the work is done, right?!
Getting to know your spouse is an ongoing process, the more we invest in getting to know our spouses the better we are able to overcome life’s challenges together and be strengthened as a couple. The process of getting to know your spouse never ends; we continue to build upon what we have. We are always changing, they are always changing and therefore there is always something to learn. What you put into the relationship you will reap in happiness and eternal blessings.
Continue to build upon what we have learned. Continue to ask questions. Continue to bond with your spouse. As you do this, your marriage will be blessed.

 

Keep exploring! Let us know how it’s going!
Marriage, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 3

 

Today we move on to the next part of love mapping. How did it go last week? If you missed our first or second post on enhancing our love maps, click here or here

Love Maps Part 3

Just the other day my husband and I were reminiscing. We were reminiscing when we first met and started talking. When we met, we were both attending the same church and met there. We did not want people to watch us begin our dating experience because we did not want to be constantly asked by others how it was going. With his busy travel and work schedule and me being a full time mom it left really odd times to talk, therefore we would communicate through Facebook Messenger. (Now, I am not advocating this to be a great way to get to know someone, but it happened to work for our situation.) We went back and read our likes our dislikes, our hopes, our dreams, and just about our life in general. So much had changed in such a short time, 4 years. How was this even possible? It’s possible because people change; life changes us. We develop different interests, hobbies, and ideas. How do we ensure that we constantly get to know our spouse through the changes that we experience? We do this through love mapping, more specifically though figuring out ‘Who I am’?

Continue reading “Love Map Series Part 3”

Marriage, married life, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 2

Today we move on to the next part of love mapping. How did it go last week? If you missed our first post on enhancing our love maps, click here!
Asking open-ended questions is crucial to your marriage and your growing relationship! Not only is it important to ask the questions, but it is more important to remember the answers that your partner gives! I recall a couple years back sitting down with my husband after the kids had gone to bed. I recall him asking me a question; I can’t even remember what it was anymore. I thoughtfully answered the question and after I did I looked over and he was asleep! I was slightly frustrated to say the least; I mean seriously why ask if you aren’t listening? He woke up about the time I finished and responded, “Oh I didn’t hear you. Tell me again.” So I kindly told him again. What do you think happened? Yep! Asleep again! As I finished I was so irritated, just in time for him to wake up! His response is comical now, but at the time it was not! He told me that my voice is so soothing it just puts him to sleep. Are you kidding me?! Of course I thought he just didn’t care then. Since then we have discovered if I want him to pay attention and remember what I say I cannot tell him anything important after 9:30pm.
Asking open-ended questions invites growth in the relationship while you share experiences you have had, emotions you have felt, and opinions with one another. It shows that you are interested in your spouse and interested in growing your relationship with one another. Dr. Gottman gave a great list of questions we can ask in his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. If you haven’t I highly recommend you pick it and read it! This list is adapted from his book.

Continue reading “Love Map Series Part 2”

Marriage, married life, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 1

I got to be a guest blogger over at The National Healthy Institute at one of their sister sites! I though you might enjoy it here!

In a previous post on Why Date? We mentioned John Gottman’s Love Maps. Dr. Gottman does a fantastic job of helping us realize why it is important to know our spouses.

Jordan was a police officer two hours away from his home. When he left for work on Thursday he would not return until Monday morning. He was well liked on the police force and always did a good job. He had won many Mothers Against Drink Driving Awards and protected the people who he served. He took overtime opportunities when he could to provide more for his family. When he was home he enjoyed playing video games, relaxing, hunting, hanging out with his friends, and playing baseball and softball. There was only one problem with this, he had a wife and 4 kids who loved him that he did not spend much time with. His wife would try desperately to get him to go on dates with her or do tasks with each other so they could spend time with one another, but Jordan always declined because he had other things he wanted to do.
Jordan got to the point where he didn’t know much about the activities the kids did, where they liked to go for fun, who their friends were, or even who their teachers were. Sadly, he knew even less about his wife. He did not know her hopes, her dreams, her dislikes, her fears, or the things that scared her in life. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work says, “I have found that many married couples fall into a similar habit of inattention to the details of their spouse’s life. One or both partners may have only the sketchiest sense of the other’s joys, likes, dislikes, fears, stresses.”

Continue reading “Love Map Series Part 1”