Divorce, Kids, remarriage, Step Families, Stepmoms

You Never Really Stop Loving Your Step Kids Even After Divorce

Many years ago, when I was 20, I became a stepmom for the very first time to two little boys who were 18 months and 3 years old. Their dad, who had already been married before, convinced me that I just couldn’t live without him or these adorable little boys. I always wanted to be a mom and this just allowed me to get a jumpstart on that.

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The boys would come and visit us every other weekend and once throughout the week. I bonded rather quickly with them and loved to play with them. Over time our time together increased. Fast forward a few years and the boys were living with us pretty much full time. It was certainly a full house with 4 boys (we had had two since getting married), my husband, me, and a dog all in 1400 square feet!

 

I always knew my role as a “stepmom”, but over time with the boys always there the lines slowly blurred together. I was the one that shopped for their birthday and Christmas gifts. I was the one who baked the cookies they enjoyed eating after school as well as the one who attended IEPs (the oldest was special needs) and parent teacher conferences. I was the one who potty trained the kids, cleaned up poopies, wiped snotty noses when they stayed home sick from school, and even volunteered in their classrooms. I was their number one cheerleader for them at sporting events and all the other activities they were involved in. I was pretty much “mom”, without the title. I did it all for them and I loved it!

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Deep down I knew these boys weren’t legally mine, but they were part of me, and honestly I was mom to them, without the title. When they needed something they knew that I would be there. Some of my favorite moments were holding them reading stories or playing video games on the couch with them. I would do anything to protect them, I would put their needs above my own, and their happiness was my number one priority.

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Overtime, my husband and I changed… We tried to work through some things, even went to counseling, but it just didn’t work out and we decided that it was time to move on. Leaving the life I had worked so hard to build was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life, but I knew deep down it was the right one.

 

After my husband and I separated we made the decision to keep all the kids together through the rest of the school year. I still got to see C & C all the time, help them with homework and continue to share that special bond we had formed over the last 9 years together.

 

The day came all too quickly when it was time to say goodbye to video games on the couch and sharing homemade cookies after school. Me, being terrible at goodbyes, promised them that we would still see each other all the time at their brother’s sporting events and other activities, and that they could come visit me or call me whenever they wanted.

 

At first we saw each other all the time, but overtime it became less frequent, conversations became shorter and more fictitious and love seemed to slowly dwindle.

 

I will never forget those sweet little boys, who are now 16 and 17. I still remember their precious smiles the first day we met and how they could both light up a room with their sweet spirits. Thankfully, Facebook shares these memories with me occasionally!  I can’t help, but wonder what they are up to and how they turned out since we last sat on the couch and snuggled and ate cookies. I wonder if they think of me and miss me like I miss them. I am only left with all the memories we made so many years ago and I just hope that I made a difference in their life, like they made in mine so many years ago.

~C & C if you ever find this, know that I still love you, know that I am always here for you, and that I think of you often. If you ever need me, I’ll be there…

 

You Never really stop loving them

 

Divorce, My Life, Stepmoms

Why I Hate My Ex Husband’s New Wife

Why I hate my ex-husband's new wifeI remember the day like it was yesterday; the day my ex husband told me he was getting married. I remember the shock that I felt not even knowing that he was dating someone. From that moment I decided that I would hate her forever.
Shortly after, I met her. I was gruff and short because let’s be honest, I hated her, and I didn’t want her to be in my kid’s lives.


The Next Day my oldest son had a baseball game. We arrived at the game and I sat down to watch. #2 and I were hanging out eating skittles and then it happened, she arrived and he asked me, “Mom, can I go sit with her?” What?!


I hated her even more now because my kids liked her! They wanted to be with her and sit by her, and not me! They liked to talk with her and share skittles with her!

I hated her for the memories that she was making with my kids. I hated her for the fact that she took the boys on bike rides while she ran. I hated her for the freshly baked cookies that were on the counter when they got there. I hated her because she liked to take them to the lake and go boating!
I hated her because of my own insecurities and jealousy. I was insecure that there was a potential that I would be replaced. I wasn’t jealous that she was married to my ex husband, but I was jealous for the time she got to spend with my kids. I was jealous for the fact that she made them happy when they were with her. I hated her for the way she loved God and was kind to others and tried to serve others constantly.

 

I hated her for years. If I could find a reason to hate her more I did.

 

Then one day I was talking to a friend; having a pity party because the boys were gone and their dad was at work so they were with her. It was so unfair; they were with her and not with me! I am their mom, not her! When he is not there they should be here, with me! My friend simply said, “aren’t you glad that your kids are happy when they spend time with her?”
That sentence changed my life.

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