How To Stop Yelling At Your Kids

Do you find yourself yelling at your kids often? Do you want to stop yelling as a parent? We have some tips to help you stop yelling at your kids!


How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

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Despite the fact that I have my degree in marriage and family studies I still struggle with parenting. It is no secret that one of my biggest challenges is Yelling. If you don’t believe me go read, I’m a Yeller.

I yell. I yell too often, and then my kids ask me why I have my angry voice out?

I’ll be honest at first it feels totally justifiable why I am yelling.  I mean they aren’t listening, so why not? But then mom guilt comes in and I realize that I shouldn’t handle things that way and then I feel really bad.

10 days ago I committed to not yell for an entire year, and man it’s been hard at times. But I haven’t yelled… I have been super close many times, but then I remember that I am in control of my actions…

So… How Do You Stop Yelling at Your Kids?


First, Let’s Chat About Yelling…

In order to be successful at something we need to set ourselves up for success, so how do we do that? We need to understand why we yell in the first place.

I have come to understand that yelling for me is me losing complete control of the situation. Therefore, I have to make the choice well before the situation occurs that I am going to stay calm no matter what, I know… Easier said than done. 

Find Your Triggers

I have thought long and hard about why I lose it with my kids and 9 times out of 10 it is close to bedtime when I have a plan and things are not going according to that plan.

With me being able to recognize my trigger I am able to make changes to allow me to not become as frustrated and allow my emotions to take over.

I have learned to have some flexibility in the plan. Yes, bedtime in our house is at 9 pm, but is there really that big of a difference between 9:00 and 9:02? 10 days ago I would have said, “Yes!” but after realizing to be a little more flexible our nights have become better, and I have less of a desire to yell…

What are your yelling triggers?

Recognize that Yelling Doesn’t Work

I know at the moment we think that yelling is the best way to handle the situation, but in reality, it doesn’t help anything. And it doesn’t work. Yelling makes the kids sad, you get an “angry face” and it just makes the situation worse, followed by you feeling guilty for yelling at your kids.

Plan Ahead

I know this sounds ridiculous but think about those situations that make you the most frustrated and plan how to handle it differently the next time it happens.

For me, it’s usually when I say, “It’s time to get ready for bed.” And then like clockwork, my night goes to hell in a handbasket… I think the boys take this as a nightly invitation to start horsing around, tripping each other, bring out their accents from around the world, checking one last thing on their phones, complaining that they are hungry, and the list could go on and on as to what happens.

So now 10 minutes before it’s time to get ready for bed, I tell them we are getting ready for bed in 10 minutes. After those 10 minutes, when it is bedtime, I already expect that these shenanigans are going to happen, so when they do I am not instantly fired up and ready to yell.

I also have planned my Positive First Response, “Boys, I don’t think you heard me the first time, It’s time to get ready for bed. Please head to your rooms and get your Pajamas on and then brush your teeth.”

So to recap the changes I have made with planning ahead:

1. Thought about the situations that makes me most frustrated

2. Planned a Positive First Reaction and 3.Gave the kids warning that bedtime was coming up, rather than springing it on them when it is time to get ready for bed.

These simple steps have helped me keep my cool.


In The Moment When You Want To Yell

It’s time to get ready for bed and the boys are now chasing each other around the house trying to trick one another. One is trying to pants the other and the other is screaming for dear life… It’s here! The moment we planned for… I am angry. I am frustrated. No one is listening and I am about ready to lose it.

How do I calm down so I am not the crazy shouting mean yelling mom? 

Talk Calmly, but Firmly Using Simple Phrases

This is when we need to use every ounce of patience we have and we need to take a deep breath and calmly, but firmly announce what is supposed to be happening. Do this with simple short phrases. In my case, I calmly, but firmly state, “Boys, it is time to get ready for bed. Go to your rooms and get ready for bed.”

Respond, Don’t React

Certainly, it would be easy for me to chase the boys around the living room or to yell at them when they are yelling at each other, but this doesn’t work. It is me reacting to the situation based on emotions. We need to respond effectively to what is happening rather than reacting.

Set Consequences/ and Follow Through

If talking calmly doesn’t work using simple phrases, then it is time to set a consequence. “Boys, if you do not start getting ready for bed right now, then you will lose your wifi after school tomorrow.”

Okay… So in our house, this usually is what gets at least one of them bolting to their room because a life without wifi is the ultimate punishment.

I know what the parenting books say, the consequence should go in line with the punishment. So if they aren’t getting ready for bed they should have to do it sooner than the next day or early to bed… This does not work for us.

We have a few things that if I threaten to take them away I can be guaranteed fantastic behavior immediately, the wifi being one of them. So find a consequence that works for your kids. It probably is a different consequence for each one of them. Figure out what their currency is.

If your kids don’t do what they were supposed to after you set the consequence, then you have no choice but to follow through. If you don’t follow through your kids will now realize that you just like to give “idle threats” and that you really don’t mean what you say. So they will never believe any consequence you set, ever.

Walk Away

If you are about ready to lose it, it’s time to walk away and get a few deep breaths… I know you might think this is letting the kids win. But you are really winning here because you are recognizing that you are still in control of the situation.

Most of the time when I walk away the kids usually start listening. If the problem is still happening when you come back then you are able to deal with the situation with more patience.

Walking away from a situation also shows my kids that it is okay to walk away from situations they are in before they lose it. It teaches them it is not okay to scream or shout. We can all take a moment to compose ourselves before dealing with the situation at hand and choose to stop yelling.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

When the situation is escalating and you want to yell, using humor might be a good alternative. Making a joke and laughing can change the situation completely. When I tell a joke, the boys stop chasing each other and start wanting to tell jokes. I then let them tell a joke and then they head off to get ready for bed.

Problem solved!

We avoided Yelling so I didn’t have to stop yelling, and they are now getting ready for bed, and bonus! Everyone is happy! 


After I’ve Yelled

Let’s be honest… I yell and it makes me feel like Crap! Afterward, I feel like the worst mom in the world… I feel like I am majorly failing and that my kids hate me. So what do we do once we yell?


Tell your kids you are sorry, and really mean it. This is important to do this because they need to recognize that everyone makes mistakes, even their mom, and dad! It helps them learn how to apologize also when they are in the wrong. 

Show an Increase of Love

Parenting can be hard! So can being a kid, trying to figure everything out. In those moments after we lose it, we need to make sure that our kids know they are loved.

We need to take this time to give them some extra attention, spend some quality time playing a game or reading a book or give them some extra hugs to make them know how much they are loved.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up!

For days after I yell, I worry that my kids hate me, even though they show no signs of hating me… I mean kids are really the most incredible forgiving individuals in the world! It’s easy to think that we are the worst parents in the world.

We all think that every other parent is a better parent than yourself. This type of thinking doesn’t help anyone! So pick yourself up and figure out what you want to do better next time and choose to stop yelling!

I know you can do it! 

What Have You Found That Has Helped You Stop Yelling?

Were These Tips Helpful in Your Journey to Stop Yelling at Your Kids? Pin It to Pinterest to Share with Others!

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids


how do you stop yelling

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  • Kat

    Great article and the quick steps and explanations make it easy to remember. Thanks!

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  • Morgana

    I noticed a pattern in our home from a different kind of yelling. The yelling people do when they are being lazy so shout across rooms. I placed a ban on this and will not discuss anything with anyone in our home, across rooms. It has helped significantly.

    I love this article as it is a good reminder of how useless yelling is and how we have to be mindful in our actions.

    January 27, 2018 at 9:13 am Reply
    • Michele

      That is such a great idea! I have a habit of yelling up the stairs because I don’t want to walk up there… I need to get better at that! Thank you for your comments!

      January 30, 2018 at 9:12 pm Reply
  • The Muddled Mum

    This is great – I seem to have just entered the shouty mummy phase now my daughter is a bit older. I hate it! Will be trying out some of these tips!

    January 27, 2018 at 2:08 am Reply
  • NeededInTheHome

    Yes, I have done this as well and I always get the mommy guilt to go with it. I read a book on the topic several years ago and the big things that help me are getting enough sleep, recognizing triggers, instead of yelling focus on breathing in and out, having consequences and following through. I do still mess up and apologize and forgive myself, but these tips have helped a lot. You are doing a great job, mama, keep at it!

    January 26, 2018 at 8:14 am Reply
    • Michele

      Thanks! I am sure we all will mess up and forgiving ourselves is the most important part 🙂

      January 26, 2018 at 4:33 pm Reply
  • Ashley

    These are actionable steps for parents to use! For a child whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, yelling is especially harmful. Finding your triggers and planning ahead are important keys. It is being proactive to change the behavior! And, the responses after yelling are spot on! #wanderingwednesday

    January 25, 2018 at 10:12 am Reply
    • Michele

      You are so right! Thanks for your comments!

      January 26, 2018 at 4:33 pm Reply
  • jenniferwise4heritagemakers

    I love this! I think recognizing triggers is huge. Walking away for me is huge, too. I really have to remove myself from the situation in order to be able to think and plan. These are awesome tips!

    January 24, 2018 at 10:11 am Reply
    • Michele

      Thanks! Removing myself has really helped!

      January 26, 2018 at 4:33 pm Reply

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