How to Have a Productive Relationship with Your Ex

Last Updated on July 2, 2021 by Michele Tripple

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After a divorce, there is a lot of heartache and pain, but it is imperative for the kids and you to have a productive relationship with your Ex! Here are some ways as to how to have a productive relationship with your Ex! 

How to Have a Productive Relationship with Your Ex

Let’s be honest, we as human beings do not like to be reminded of our mistakes. We don’t like confronting them. And we don’t like owning up to them! Some of us even resist learning from them. But it’s only by owning our failures as well as celebrating our successes that we grow as individuals and become better individuals! When it comes to your relationship with your ex-partner, you’d probably prefer it if you never had to deal with them, look at them, or hear from them again. But if you have a child together we all know that this simply isn’t an option.

Even though you no longer love each other this is not an excuse to give up on working together. Your kids need you more than ever to work as a team for their benefit. It requires both of you to work together, just in a different way.

Here are some ways in which you can enjoy a productive relationship with your ex.

Maybe You Can’t Be Friends, But You Can Always Be Civil

Divorce is hard on everyone. There is usually some animosity between you and your ex-spouse. But you cannot let this get in the way of raising your kids together. Even if you can’t be friends (yet) you owe it to yourselves and the children you share to be civil. That means looking past the things you can no longer stand about each other and seeing the good in your ex. Start focusing on your ex’s positive qualities, so you can begin to see some good in them! I know this is hard. Trust me! I have been there. But I promise the more you focus on positive qualities your ex has the more you are able to have a productive relationship with them. 

Let Go of Resentment, Learn From Your Failings

If you continue to harbor resentment, it will only reflect negatively on your children. As tempting as it may be to rant and rave to them about your ex’s various personal faults this can be an extremely traumatic experience for your kids. They love you both. So please for the benefit of your kids putting them in the middle of your disagreements.  Very rarely does a relationship end because one party was entirely to blame. Let go of your resentment and own up to your own part in the relationships failing. Only by owning your mistakes can you ever hope to learn from them.

Honor Your Commitments To Them

Just because you’re separated you still have commitments that need to be honored. This might mean paying your alimony or being on time to pick the kids up from school. By continuing to show love to your children in these small ways shows your child how much you love them! 

Beginnings, Ends and New Beginnings

As you learn from your mistakes it allows for new beginnings. It allows you and your ex to work together in different ways as well. It allows you to focus on what is important, which is being there for your kids. Sometimes it leads to falling back in love.  In a 2012 survey 6% of polled couples remarried and of those 72% remained together. This, of course, doesn’t always happen. But, as you learn from your mistakes it allows you to have new beginnings and helps you be a better person!

With these tips, it will help you have a stronger more productive relationship with your Ex!

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