What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador! Get ready for a tail-wagging good time with these pawsome dog jokes!
Jokes are always a big win with my kids, and they love getting new material. No need to let them sit around chasing their tails when you can crank up the laughter with jokes for dog lovers!
These dog jokes are perfect for dog lovers of all ages. No one will be sent to the pound with their tail between their legs because these hit the spot and are kid-friendly.
Gather around with your favorite furry friend and these jokes, and soon you’ll all be howling with laughter!
If you enjoyed these, check out Monkey Jokes and Cow Jokes for hilarious animal fun!
Dog jokes
- What breed of dog goes after anything that is red? A Bulldog.
- What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time? A chili-dog.
- What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day? A shampoo-dle.
- Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost? Because Frost bites.
- Why are dogs terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet.
- Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple? A New Yorkie.
- What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster? He was Terrier-fied.
- What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school? Their masters.
- What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food? A dog with a machete.
- When you cross an aggressive dog with a computer, what do you get? A lot of bites.
- I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except . . . The bark is much quieter.
- How are dog catchers in the UK paid? By the pound.
- Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a Boxer.
- Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground? Because they can’t be buried in trees!
- In English class, why do dogs like conjunctions? Because dogs love buts.
- What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common? One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.
- Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite? Bloodhound.
- When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get? A lot of trouble with a postman.
- What do puppies and pages of a book have in common? They’re both dog-eared.
- What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador.
- When the dog went to the flea circus, what happened? He stole the show.
- What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise? Flea markets.
- What type of dog is constantly aware of the time? A watchdog.
- Why did the two-legged dog come to an abrupt halt? It had two paws.
- Why do dogs tend to run in circles? Because it’s really hard to run in squares.
- What happens if you cross a dog with a phone? A Golden Receiver.
- What could be more incredible than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
- What kind of dog consumes food with its ears? All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
- How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? None! They’re all on the outside.
- What happens when a dog loses its tail? It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
- What breed of dog can jump higher than a building? All breeds can, since buildings can’t jump!
- What did the man name his two watchdogs? Rolex and Timex.
- What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog? Come on! Join the bark side.
- When you cross a Sheepdog with a rose, what do you get? A Collie-flower.
- Why do dogs love smartphones? Because they have collar IDs.
- Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade? Because it was a hot dog.
- What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah? You’d get a dog that chased after cars but was actually fast enough to catch them!
- What do dogs owned by chemists do with their bones? They barium.
- What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie? They press the paws button.
- When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get? I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
- When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up . . . but it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them? “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!”
- When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get? Grease Lightning
- What is a Pug’s favorite fall beverage? Pug-kin spice latte.
- Our dog brings us the newspaper every day. . . . Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
- Why are dogs’ barks so loud? They have built-in sub-woofers.
- What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theater? Pupcorn.
- Why does a noisy, yappy dog resemble a tree? It’s because they both have a lot of bark.
- Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more? Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
- When you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle, and a Rooster, what do you get? A Cockerpoodledoo!
- What do you call a dog that can’t bark? A hushpuppy.
- Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road? Because she was littering.
- What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler? Whatever you want, but do it silently.
- When you cross a Sheepdog with jelly, what do you get? The Collie wobbles.
- Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores? To the lab for testing.
- What did one flea say to the other? Should we walk, or just take the dog?
- What could be worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
- When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get? A Croaker Spaniel.
- What makes a businessman different from a hot dog? The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.
- Where do dogs park their cars? In the barking lot.
- How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving? Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
- What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen? Ink spots.
- Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny? All of them are really short.
- How do you know if you have a slow dog? It chases parked cars.
- Why did the man make pancakes for his dog? His dog sure didn’t know how!
- Why was the dog stealing shingles? He really wanted to become a woofer!
- What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion? You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.
- When the dog sat on sandpaper, what did he say? Ruff! Ruff!
- When does a mother flea become satisfied? When her entire family decided to go to the dogs.
- What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones? Bon appetite!
- What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery? You’ll get a short circuit.
- Why do dogs love redwood trees? They have the biggest bark.
- What do you call a dog that doesn’t have any legs? It doesn’t matter! It still won’t come when you call its name.
- When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him? Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
- Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. I guess it makes sense since he’s a pure bread.
- After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody? You got a friend in me.
- Did you hear about the dog who couldn’t stop talking like a horse? It was a dog and pony show.
- What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
- What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
- Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart? He was CON-fused!
- What do you call a large dog that meditates? Aware wolf.
- What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A Greyhound Buzz.
- What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? Dingo Starr!
- What does my dog and my phone have in common? They both have collar I.D.
- What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show
- What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!
- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
- Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the “barking” lot!
- How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied!
- What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.
- What breed of dog tells off-color jokes? A smutt.
- What do you call a dog who is getting old? GrandPAW.
- Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs? Because you might step in a poodle.
- What do you call young dogs who play in the snow? Slush puppies.
- What did the hungry dalmatian say after his meal? “That hit the spots!”
- How do you spell “dog” backwards? D-O-G-B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S.
- What did the waiter tell the dog at the restaurant? “Bone-appetite!”
- What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? Take the words out of his mouth.
- What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away? “Well, doggone!”
- How can you tell if you have a lazy dog? He only chases parked cars.
- What kind of place should you never take a dog? The flea market.
- What makes more noise than a dog barking? Two dogs barking!
- What is a dog that sneezes? A-choo-wawa.
- Why are skeletons afraid of dogs? Because dogs love bones.
- What looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and is very dangerous? A dog with a machete.
- Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat? Cats can’t drive!
- What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog? The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
- What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion? Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.
- Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often? Because it frightens the dog!
- Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”? Because he bites!
- How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your backyard!
Do you have some fun dog jokes? Share them in the comments so we can laugh too!
Want More Jokes Like These?
Looking for more kid-friendly jokes? Explore our full collection of family-safe jokes and puns that are perfect for laughs anytime.
Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. She is a certified Life Coach with her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer; Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.