Looking for funny soccer jokes for kids, teens, and soccer fans? You’re in the right place. These soccer jokes are clean, clever, and perfect for game days, team snacks, classrooms, or anytime you want a laugh that really scores.
From goalies and referees to hat tricks and penalties, this list brings the humor straight to the pitch.
Top 10 Soccer Jokes
- What runs around a soccer field but never moves? A fence.
- Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- Why was the magician the team captain? He was great at hat tricks.
- What kind of tea do soccer players drink? Penal-tea.
- Why did Cinderella quit soccer? She kept running away from the ball.
- Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to use their heads.
- What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
- Why did the chicken get ejected? Persistent fowl play.
- Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite position? Ghoul-keeper.
Looking For More Laughs?
Looking for more kid-friendly jokes and screen-free laughs?
Check out our Jokes & Puns hub for printable joke cards, silly wordplay, and family fun you can use anytime. And to spark easy conversation, be sure to check out all our family conversation ideas that are perfect for every occasion.
Free Printable: Family Joke Cards
Need an easy way to get everyone laughing together?
These printable family joke cards are perfect for dinner time, car rides, or those moments when the conversation needs a quick spark. Just read one aloud and let the laughter start.
Goalie & Defense Jokes
- What did the goalie say to the ball? Catch ya later.
- Why couldn’t the team lose a goal? They always had a goalkeeper.
- What do you call my girlfriend at a soccer game? A keeper.
- Why do goalkeepers spend so much time online? They can’t stop saving.
- What do you get when you cross a goalie and the Invisible Man? Goal-tending like you’ve never seen.
- Which soccer player keeps the field neat? The sweeper.
Player & Team Jokes
- Which soccer player has the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet.
- Why can’t you play soccer with pigs? They hog the ball.
- Why did the soccer player bring string? To tie the score.
- Why did the defensive player cross the road? To get to the other slide.
- Why was the skeleton picked last? He had no body to play with.
- What happens when a dinosaur scores a goal? A dino-score.
Holiday & Knock-Knock Soccer Jokes
- What do soccer players say on Halloween? Hat trick or treat!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dozen.
Dozen who? Dozen anyone here play soccer? - Knock, knock. Who’s there? Soccer.
Soccer who? Soccer in the drawer! - What did the mummy coach say after practice? Let’s wrap this up!
Animal Soccer Jokes
- Why didn’t the dog play soccer? He was a boxer.
- What soccer club do sheep like? Baaaa-rcelona.
- Why did the chicken get ejected? Persistent fowl play.
- How do birds cheer at soccer games? They egg their team on.
- What did the bumblebee say after scoring? Hive scored!
Referee, Coach & Fan Jokes
- What do you call someone who yells, then cries during a game? A soccer coach.
- Why do referees love the holidays? They send yellow cards.
- How do we know referees are happy? They whistle while they work.
- What is soccer really? 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.
Clever & Classic Soccer Jokes
- Why couldn’t anyone see the ball? The defense cleared it.
- Why is soccer not a game of inches? It’s a game of feet.
- Why is it warmer after a soccer match? All the fans have left.
- What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle?
The Bermuda Triangle has three points. - Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day? The players dribbled all over it.
Goalie & Defense Jokes
- What did the goalie say to the ball? Catch ya later.
- Why couldn’t the team lose a goal? They always had a goalkeeper.
- What do you call my girlfriend at a soccer game? A keeper.
- Why do goalkeepers spend so much time online? They can’t stop saving.
- What do you get when you cross a goalie and the Invisible Man? Goal-tending like you’ve never seen.
- Which soccer player keeps the field neat? The sweeper.
Player & Team Jokes
- Which soccer player has the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet.
- Why can’t you play soccer with pigs? They hog the ball.
- Why did the soccer player bring string? To tie the score.
- Why did the defensive player cross the road? To get to the other slide.
- Why was the skeleton picked last? He had no body to play with.
- What happens when a dinosaur scores a goal? A dino-score.
Holiday & Knock-Knock Soccer Jokes
- What do soccer players say on Halloween? Hat trick or treat!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dozen.
Dozen who? Dozen anyone here play soccer? - Knock, knock. Who’s there? Soccer.
Soccer who? Soccer in the drawer! - What did the mummy coach say after practice? Let’s wrap this up!
Animal Soccer Jokes
- Why didn’t the dog play soccer? He was a boxer.
- What soccer club do sheep like? Baaaa-rcelona.
- Why did the chicken get ejected? Persistent fowl play.
- How do birds cheer at soccer games? They egg their team on.
- What did the bumblebee say after scoring? Hive scored!
Referee, Coach & Fan Jokes
- What do you call someone who yells, then cries during a game? A soccer coach.
- Why do referees love the holidays? They send yellow cards.
- How do we know referees are happy? They whistle while they work.
- What is soccer really? 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.
Clever & Classic Soccer Jokes
- Why is soccer not a game of inches? It’s a game of feet.
- Why is it warmer after a soccer match? All the fans have left.
- What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle?
The Bermuda Triangle has three points. - Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day? The players dribbled all over it.
- Why couldn’t anyone see the ball? The defense cleared it.
If you enjoyed these soccer jokes, you’ll also love our sports jokes for kids, workout jokes, and workout jokes for even more laughs.
Free Joke Cards For Kids
Want easy laughs without thinking too hard?
Our Printable Joke Cards for Kids are perfect for:
- Dinner time
- Car rides
- Classrooms
- Family game night
Soccer jokes never go out of style, just like a perfectly timed goal. Whether you’re sharing laughs at practice, during halftime, or at home with soccer-loving kids, these jokes are guaranteed to score.
Bookmark this list and come back anytime you need a quick laugh or a winning icebreaker.
Soccer Jokes FAQs
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Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. She is a certified Life Coach with her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer; Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.