50 Funny family quotes

There is something about funny family quotes that just make things a little bit better when life is hard. These funny quotes about family have always been what helps me through the little bit of crazy that always seems to pop up in families.

With so many different family dynamics it is easy to get overwhelmed, so next time rather than getting overwhelmed and stressed just pull out this list of funny family quotes. It is sure to lighten your mood and make you feel better!

Funny Family Quotes

“The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.”

— Dodie Smith

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”

— W.C. Fields

“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”

— Penelope Lombard

‘Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”

— Cary Grant
Funny Family Quotes

“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”

— Jerry Seinfeld

“If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion.”

— Ashleigh Brilliant

“When I was 10, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was 12, I found them.”

— Emo Philips

“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.”

— Eva Burrows

“Remember how you wanted that new wedding engagement ring? Well, I got a horse.”

— Peter Griffin, Family Guy
Funny Family Quotes

“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”

— Wayne Huizenga

“I say, Mother, this hotdog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn’t cut itself.”

— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

“Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we’re related for better or for worse and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”

— Rick Riordan

Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.

Meg Griffin: We have the same dad, idiot.

Chris: Yeah, but mine’s smarter.

— Chris Griffin, Family Guy
Funny Family Quotes

“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”

— Ogden Nash

“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

“Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice.”

— Reinhold Niebuhr

“We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies.”

— Shirley Abbott
Funny Family Quotes

“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”

— Anna Quindlen

You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.

— Unknown

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.” 

— Deb Caletti

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present”and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.

— Robert Brault

“When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”

— George Bernard Shaw

The families of one’s friends are always a disappointment.

— Norman Douglas
Funny Family Quotes

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”

— Unknown

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

— Erma Bombeck

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

— George Carlin

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

— George Bernard Shaw

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

— Mark Twain

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

— Jeff Foxworthy

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”

— Chelsea Handler

Bleeding ulcers run in my family. We give them to each other.

— Lois McMaster Bujold

“My family is my life, and everything else comes second as far as what’s important to me.”

— Michael Imperioli

I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?

— Jeff Lindsay

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”

— Phyllis Diller

“The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”

— Robert Frost

“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”

— Ralph Bus

“Family is a unique gift that needs to be appreciated and treasured, even when they’re driving you crazy. As much as they make you mad, interrupt you, annoy you, curse at you, try to control you, these are the people who know you the best and who love you.” 

— Jenna Morasca

“Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children.”

— Sam Levinson

“Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.”

— Evan Esar
Funny Family Quotes

“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”

— Harry S. Truman

“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.” 

— Maxime Lagacé

“Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.”

— Francis Bacon

“One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor.” 

— Ralph Fiennes

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring family in another city.”

— George Burns

What are some of your favorite funny family quote? Share in the comments!

Check out these other awesome quote posts!

Spending Time with Family Quotes

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