Get ready to share a laugh with your mom this Mother’s Day with our collection of funny Mother’s Day quotes!
Whether you’re celebrating together or sending your love from afar, these humorous Mothre’s Day Quotes are perfect for lightening the mood and showing your mom just how much you appreciate her—in the most playful way possible.
From witty one-liners to chuckle-worthy observations about motherhood, these quotes are sure to bring a smile to her face and add a touch of joy to her special day. So, pick your favorite quote, write it in a card, or text it to make her day brighter. Let’s celebrate Mother’s Day with a good laugh!
Funny Mother’s Day Quotes
“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.”
Amy Schumer
“Raising a kid is part joy and part Guerilla warfare. “
Ed Asner
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
Calvin Trillin
“I’m a mom. I have a right to be lazy and braless whenever I find time to be.”
Meraki Mother
“Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.”
Dave Berry
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
Milton Berle
“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.”
Amy Poehler
“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
“[Having four kids is] endless stuff. It’s endless entertainment, it’s endless stress, endless responsibility. Everyone’s at different ages and levels, everyone’s into different stuff. But everyone is into slime.”
Maya Rudolph
“Stop saying ‘we’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No.”
Mila Kunis
“Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.’”
Christina Applegate
“Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.”
One Project Closer
“I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs, twice… kneed and foot surgeries… winning Grand Slams being down match point… to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!”
Serena Williams
“To be honest, I’m just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eye liner. Everything.”
Unknown
“If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man… and by ‘party,’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’”
Olivia Wilde
“When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.”
C. S. Forester
“Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”
Tina Fey
“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.”
Peter De Vries
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
Erma Bombeck
“The phrase ’working mother’ is redundant.”
Jane Sellman
“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.”
Oscar Wilde
“You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.”
Jennifer Garner
“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.”
Peter de Vries
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
Nora Ephron
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
Tenneva Jordan
“I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.”
Unknown
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
Michelle Pfeiffer
“Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that, for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
Nia Vardalos
“I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.”
Melanie White
“When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.”
Unknown
“Mom: Eat your vegetables. There are starving kids in Africa who have nothing to eat. Kid: Can we mail them my broccoli?”
Unknown
“I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs twice… knee and foot surgeries… winning Grand Slams being down match point… to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!”
Serena Williams
“I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.”
Calvin, “Calvin and Hobbes”
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
Milton Berle
“Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.”
Julie Bowen
“If you don’t know about ‘Baby Shark’ or ‘Let it Go,’ you need to turn in your parent card.”
Unknown
“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
Tim Allen
“Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.”
“Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”
Shonda Rhimes
“I’m not really a mama bear. I’m more of a mama llama. Like, I’m pretty chill, but I’ll kick you in the face if you screw with my kids.”
Scary Mommy
“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘Keep away from children.’”
Susan Savannah
“Motherhood: It takes patience, humor, and a lot of wet towelettes.”
Unknown
“Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected, you never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.”
Blake Lively
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
Phyllis Diller
“Daughter: “Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?” Mom: “I don’t know, honey, you’ll have to ask Grandma.”
Unknown
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
Tenneva Jordan
“I’ve conquered a lot of things. Blood clots in my lungs – twice. Knee and foot surgeries. Winning grand slams being down match point, to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!”
Serena Williams
“You know your life has changed when… going to the grocery story by yourself is a vacation.”
Unknown
“It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”
Dorothy, The Golden Girls
“Over the years, I learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.”
Nancy Stahl
Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. She is a certified Life Coach with her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer; Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.