Ready to get your New Years popping? These New Years jokes are just what you are searching for! Best be on your toes to start the year off right with some fun and laugher with these New Years Jokes that you are going to love.
It’s no secret that we love a good joke! So with that being said, I can’t think of a better way to end the year and begin a new one than with a good New Year’s joke! So gather your friends and family around and get ready to laugh with these fun jokes.
Don’t worry! We won’t be breaking any resolutions with these jokes! We promise they are kids friendly and perfect for everyone to enjoy! Pair them with some of our other favorite jokes like our Guess Who Jokes and Winter Jokes for even more fun.
New Years jokes
- Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve? It’s too far to walk
- What did the little champagne bottle call his father? Pop!
- What was Dr. Frankenstein’s new year’s resolution? To make new friends.
- What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? Chill out
- Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? To start off the new year in a cool way.
- What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.
- What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Eve? “I haven’t seen you since last year.”
- Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the new year.
- Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square
- What does a ghost say on January 1st? “Happy Boo Year!”
- What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve? Hogs and kisses.
- What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”? A liar.
- What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.
- What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!
- What did the cat say on New Year’s Eve? “Meow.”
- Why are there so many vampires out on New Year’s Eve? For Old Fangs Time.
- Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
- What do criminals pay on Jan. 1? New Year’s restitution
- An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in, A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves
- What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE? One was charged and the other was let off.
- What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve? Firecrackers.
- What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
- What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve? You’ll spill your punch all over.
- What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day? “Happy New Cheer!”
- What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Even clean-up crew.
- I was going to quit all of my bad habits for the new year… But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
- I love when they drop the ball in Times Square… It’s such a nice reminder of what I did all year.
- What is a corn’s favorite holiday? New Ear’s Day.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio not, its a new year
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Cheese. Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Razor. Razor who? Razor glass and toast the New Year.
- How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions? They go in one year and out the other.
- What do you use in the bathroom on Jan. 1 after No. 2? A New Year’s bidet
- Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown? So you can start the New Year on the right foot.
- What do cows celebrate on December 31st? Moo Years Eve.
- This New Year I resolve to be less awesome… Since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
- What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve? The ice falls out of your drinks!
- What’s the best New Year’s resolution? 1080p
- What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
- Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31? He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
- Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown? Calendar companies
- Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve , December 31st
- They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — every year they drop the ball.
- My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. But I will wait till tomorrow to start.
- I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!! Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible
- How did Prince celebrate the new millennium? He partied like it was 1999.
- What does a dad say on New Year’s Eve? “I promise I won’t tell any more dad jokes this year.”
- Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? Waiting for the punchline.
- What does a field grow on Jan. 1? New Year’s hay.
- What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31? New Year’s Steve.
- Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve? Because 9, 8, 7….
- What New Year’s resolution guarantees success? Making a resolution to break your resolution
- What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.
- Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve. There was a count down.
- Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
- What was the Amityville priest’s New Year’s resolution? To exorcise more.
- What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1? Turns over a new leaf
- What was Che Guevara’s New Year’s resolution? A New Year’s revolution.
- What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make? To travel more.
- What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more? Watch TV with subtitles.
- What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31? “Happy New Fear!”
- What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? “It’s Christmas, Eve.”
Do you have some favorite New Years Jokes? Don’t forget to share them in the comments with us!
Want More Jokes Like These?
Looking for more kid-friendly jokes? Explore our full collection of family-safe jokes and puns that are perfect for laughs anytime.
Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. She is a certified Life Coach with her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer; Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.