Step right up and get ready to laugh with these funny animal jokes for kids. If you are ready to giggle and snort with laughter, then you are in the right place. So hold on to your hats and get ready to take a ride through the funniest animal kingdom you have ever seen.
These animal jokes are perfect for sharing with your friends and family. I mean just imagine the looks on your parent’s faces as you tell them one of these hilarious animal jokes or watch your friend’s frown turn upside down as you share a joke or two with them.
So let’s jump right in and brighten everyone’s day with these animal jokes for kids.
If you want even more laughter, check out our other great jokes, like our Bee Jokes and our bear jokes. You’ll be laughing so hard you’ll feel like you are rolling around with a pack of laughing hyenas. So buckle up and enjoy these animal jokes.
Best animal jokes for kids
- What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard — it’s the best match for a hot dog!
- How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
- A man walks into a zoo, and the only animal there was a dog. It was a shitzu.
- What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? Shear madness
- What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle
- Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? To the retail store!
- Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
- Why is a bee’s hair always sticky? Because it uses a honeycomb!
- Why are fish so good at watching their weight? Because they have lots of scales.
- What’s a giraffe’s favorite fruit? Necktarine!
- Who makes clothes for dinosaurs? A dino-sewer.
- Why did the witch’s team lose the baseball match? Because all of their bats flew away
- Can a kangaroo leap higher than the Empire State Building? Oh yes! The Empire State Building is a structural masterpiece, and it can’t jump at all.
- Why don’t leopards play hide and seek? Because they are always spotted.
- What do you use to count cows? A cowculator
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop
- How long do chickens work? Around the cluck.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
- What do you call a deep-sea Transformer? Octopus Prime!
- What do you call a famous fish? A starfish
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoilt milk
- Where do mice park their boats? At the hickory dickory dock
- There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left? None, they were all copycats!
- How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night? With a floodlight.
- What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
- What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
- How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you
- Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean‘s bottom
- What’s the interesting difference between a guitar and a fish? You can auto-tune a guitar, but you can’t auto-tuna fish.
- Two crazy bats hanging upside down on a branch. Bat 1: “Do you recall your worst day of last year?” Bat 2: “Yes, the day I had diarrhea.”
- What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure.
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed.
- How does a dog stop a video? It presses the paws button.
- Why do cows go to New York? To see the moosicals.
- What do you call lending money to a bison? A buff-a-loan
- What is black, white, and red all over? A sunburnt penguin.
- Why does a dog wag its tail? Because there’s no one else to wag it for the dog.
- What is a cat’s favorite movie? The sound of Mew-sic.
- Why did the lamb cross the road? To get to the baaaaarber shop.
- How does a mouse look like after a shower? Squeaky clean.
- Where do squirrels go on vacation? Beach trees.
- What do you call a pig that’s been arrested for bad driving? A road hog.
- What do you call a wolf that uses bad words? A swearwolf.
- What happened when the wolf swallowed a clock? It got ticks.
- What does a duck with hiccups lay? Scrambled eggs.
- Why do all ducks fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
- What did the duck say to the waiter when the check came? “Put it on my bill, please.”
- What do you call a fight between squirrels? A Squarell.
- What do you call a cow that eats your grass? A lawn moo-er.
- What do you get if you cross a duck with a cement mixer? A bricklayer.
- What is green and hangs on trees? Giraffe boogers.
- What do ducks put in their soup? Quackers.
- What happens when you cross a wolf with a sheep? You have to get a new sheep.
- What was the wolf in the butcher’s shop arrested for? Chop-lifting.
- Why did the duck cross the construction site? To see a person lay a brick.
- Which side of a duck has more feathers? The outside.
- What does a frog eat with its hamburger? French Flies.
- Why did the hot dog wear a sweater? Because it was a chili dog.
- Why didn’t the ant eat sugar in the kitchen? It was a diabetic patient.
- What do you call a sarcastic duck? A wise quacker.
- What do you get when you put three ducks in a box? A box of quackers.
- What is a dog’s favorite city? New Yorkie.
- What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad!
- Teacher: “Name a bird that has wings but can’t fly.” Student: “A dead bird, ma’am.”
- Why do the French people eat snails? They dislike fast food.
- What does a kitty eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
- What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
- Teacher: “I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is the grass?” Student: “The cow ate the grass, sir.”
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny.
- Why does a barn sound so noisy? Because all the cows have horns.
- What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? A try and try and try-ceratops!
- What pine has the longest needles? A porcupine.
- Why does a giraffe have such a long neck? Because its feet stink!
- Why don’t bears wear shoes? What’s the use? They’d still have bear feet!
- What do fish take to stay healthy? Vitamin sea.
- How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Plug its nose.
- What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball? Glass flippers.
- What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
- What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.
- What has more lives than a cat? A frog. It croaks every night.
- What dog keeps the best time? A watchdog.
- What do you call a wolf that gets lost? A where-wolf.
- Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- Where do tough ducks come from? Hard-boiled eggs.
- What do you call a great dog detective? Sherlock Bones.
- Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
- What’s a shark’s favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why do centipedes have 100 legs? So they can walk.
- Which animal should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
- Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off.
- Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens didn’t exist yet.
- What did the spider do on the computer? Create a website!
- Why did the pig leave the costume party? Because everyone thought he was a boar.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo? A woolen jumper!
- Why are giraffes so slow to apologize? It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
- What is black and white and red all over? A skunk with a diaper rash.
- What did the grape do when the elephant stepped on it? It gave out a little wine.
- What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon.
- What do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom.
- What do you call a cow in a tornado? A milkshake.
- Which day do fish hate? Fryday.
- Lion: “You are late. We said we would meet at sunset.” Giraffe: “I can still see the sun, you midget.”
- What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow? A watchdog.
- What do you call a thieving alligator? A crookodile.
- Where did the sheep go on vacation? The baaaahamas.
- What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? Take the words out of its mouth!
- What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
- How does a penguin build a Lego house? Igloos it together.
- What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
- Why are cats, bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer.
- For sale: Dead Canary. Not going cheep.
- What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? Odor in the court.
- Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other ssssssside!
- Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
- What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? A milk dud.
- What fish swims only at night? A starfish.
- What did the snail say as it rode along on the turtle’s back? “Wheeee!”
- What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An eggroll.
- Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? Because there was a KFC on the other side.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To show everyone it doesn’t chicken out.
- Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
- Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they can’t remember the words.
- What animals are on legal documents? Seals.
- What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip? “Bison”.
- What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy? Deer balls. They’re under a buck.
- What game do baby parrots play? Beekaboo.
- What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moosician.
- Why did the lion always lose at poker? It was playing with a coalition of cheetahs.
- Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Because they’re dead.
- What is the snake’s favorite subject? Hiss-story.
- Where do you put barking dogs? In a barking lot.
- What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing? Its shadow!
- How do you catch a squirrel?Climb up a tree and act like a nut!
- Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.
- What time is it when five dogs chase one cat? Five after one.
- What did the banana do when the monkey chased it? It split!
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.” The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
- How do bees get to school? By school buzz.
- What do you call a girl with a frog on her head? Lilly.
- Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!
- What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? Pouch potato!
- Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the “barking” lot!
- How do you catch a fish without a fishing rod? With your BEAR hands.
- Why did the pig have ink all over its face? Because it came out of the pen.
- What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!
- What do you call it when Alpacas sing? Alpacapella.
- What is a bear’s favorite drink? Koka-Koala!
- Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
- How do electric eels taste? Shocking.
- How much money does a skunk have? A scent.
- Hippo 1: “You look like you’re gaining weight.” Hippo 2: “That’s very hippo-critical of you.”
- What do you call 100 rabbits walking backward? A receding hare line.
- What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa.
- Which species of snake is found on cars? Windshield wiper.
- What did the coward dog scream about seeing ghosts? Courage the Cowardly Dog.
- What’s the technical error named after a male ladybird? Bug.
- What would you do if your cat swallows your pencil? Use a pen.
- What does a dolphin say when it’s confused? “Can you please be more Pacific?”
- What do rich squirrels eat? Cashews.
- What do you call a mad elephant? An earthquake.
- What kind of dog always runs a fever? A hot dog!
- What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
- What do you call a snake with no clothes on? Snaked.
- Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
- How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper.
- Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer a cat-alog.
- What did the alpaca say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
- What did the cat say on the telephone? “Hi, Can you hear meow?”
- What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A golden receiver!
- How did the little Scottish dog feel when it saw a monster? Terrier-fied!
- Why did the dolphin cross the road? To get to the other tide.
- Where do dolphins sleep? In a water bed.
Do you have some other favorite animal jokes for kids? Share them in the comments so we can laugh too!
Want More Jokes Like These?
Looking for more kid-friendly jokes? Explore our full collection of family-safe jokes and puns that are perfect for laughs anytime.
Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. She is a certified Life Coach with her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer; Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.