You know the type. The jokes that make kids laugh and adults groan. The ones that are so predictable… they’re perfect.

Dad jokes are simple, punny, and completely harmless, which makes them great for family dinners, car rides, classrooms, and lunchbox notes.

If you’re looking for funny dad jokes, clean dad jokes, or just the best dad jokes to make your kids roll their eyes, you’re in the right place.

Quick Dad Jokes

• Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
  Because they’d crack each other up.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  Because he was outstanding in his field.
• What do you call fake spaghetti?
  An impasta.
• Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
  Because then it would be a foot.
• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
  In case he got a hole in one.
• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
  Nacho cheese.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
  They don’t have the guts.
• How does a penguin build its house?
  Igloos it together.
• Why did the bicycle fall over?
  Because it was two tired.
• What did the ocean say to the beach?
  Nothing, it just waved.

Top 20 Dad Jokes

1. I’m afraid for the calendar.
   Its days are numbered.
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
   He was outstanding in his field.
3. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
   I don’t know y.
4. What do you call fake spaghetti?
   An impasta.
5. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
   They’d crack each other up.
6. I used to hate facial hair.
   But then it grew on me.
7. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
   Nacho cheese.
8. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
   Because she’ll let it go.
9. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
   Great food, no atmosphere.
10. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
    It’s impossible to put down.
11. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
    They don’t have the guts.
12. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
    Sofishticated.
13. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
    She looked surprised.
14. Why did the math book look sad?
    It had too many problems.
15. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
    A satisfactory.
16. I’m on a seafood diet.
    I see food and I eat it.
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.
18. What do you call a belt made of watches?
    A waist of time.
19. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
    It caught a virus.
20. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.

Classic Dad Jokes

21. I would avoid the sushi if I were you.
    It’s a little fishy.
22. Why did the coffee file a police report?
    It got mugged.
23. I used to play piano by ear.
    Now I use my hands.
24. What do you call a sleeping bull?
    A bulldozer.
25. I don’t trust stairs.
    They’re always up to something.
26. Why did the tomato blush?
    It saw the salad dressing.
27. I told a joke about construction.
    I’m still working on it.
28. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
    Because they’re shellfish.
29. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
    A can’t opener.
30. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
    I’ll let you know.

Short Dad Jokes

31. I’m so good at sleeping.
    I can do it with my eyes closed.
32. I hate Russian dolls.
    They’re so full of themselves.
33. What did one wall say to the other wall?
    I’ll meet you at the corner.
34. I tried to catch fog yesterday.
    Mist.
35. I’m reading a horror story in Braille.
    Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.
36. Why do bees have sticky hair?
    Because they use honeycombs.
37. I used to be addicted to soap.
    But I’m clean now.
38. What do you call a dog magician?
    A labracadabrador.
39. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
    Because then it would be a foot.
40. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.

Food Dad Jokes

41. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
    It felt crummy.
42. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
    Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
43. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
    It wasn’t peeling well.
44. What kind of music do vegetables like?
    Beet music.
45. Why don’t melons get married?
    Because they cantaloupe.
46. What do you call sad coffee?
    Depresso.
47. Why did the orange stop rolling?
    It ran out of juice.
48. Why did the bread go to therapy?
    It had too many issues to toast.
49. What’s a skeleton’s favorite snack?
    Spare ribs.
50. Why did the donut go to the dentist?
    It needed a filling.

If you love food, be sure to check out these other food jokes to make you groan with laughter!

Animal Dad Jokes

51. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
    Too many cheetahs.
52. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
53. Why did the chicken join a band?
    Because it had drumsticks.
54. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Fsh.
55. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
    Because they lactose.
56. Why did the duck get promoted?
    He was outstanding in his field.
57. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
    A pouch potato.
58. Why don’t elephants use computers?
    They’re afraid of the mouse.
59. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
    A pork chop.
60. Why did the horse go behind the tree?
    To change his jockeys.

Love animals? Start giggling with more animal jokes.

School Dad Jokes

61. Why was the equal sign so humble?
    Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
62. Why did the student eat his homework?
    The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
63. Why did the music teacher go to jail?
    Because she got caught with too many sharp objects.
64. What’s a math teacher’s favorite place?
    Times Square.
65. Why did the pencil win an award?
    It had a sharp point.
66. Why was the computer cold?
    It left its Windows open.
67. Why did the student bring a ladder?
    To go to high school.
68. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
    Her students were so bright.
69. What did the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt.
70. Why did the clock get detention?
    It tocked back.

Check out even more school jokes that are totally dad worthy!

More Groan-Worthy Dad Jokes

71. I used to be a baker.
    I couldn’t make enough dough.
72. I’m friends with all electricians.
    We have good current connections.
73. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
    Then it dawned on me.
74. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    It was two tired.
75. I got hit in the head with a soda.
    Luckily it was a soft drink.
76. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
    All the fans left.
77. I’m terrified of elevators.
    I’m taking steps to avoid them.
78. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
    He wanted cold hard cash.
79. Why did the picture go to jail?
    Because it was framed.
80. I once told a joke about amnesia.
    I forgot how it goes.

81. Why did the cookie cry?
    Because his mom was a wafer so long.
82. Why did the tree go to the barber?
    It needed a trim.
83. I don’t trust math.
    It’s full of problems.
84. Why did the shoe go to school?
    To become a sneaker.
85. I used to be a banker.
    But I lost interest.
86. Why did the barber win the race?
    He took a short cut.
87. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
    I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
88. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
    Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
89. I tried to write with a broken pencil.
    It was pointless.
90. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
    He had no body to go with.
91. Why did the man run around his bed?
    Because he was trying to catch up on sleep.
92. I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year.
    Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
93. Why did the stadium get so cool?
    It was filled with fans.
94. I used to be afraid of hurdles.
    But I got over it.
95. Why did the man bring a pencil to the party?
    In case he needed to draw attention.
96. I once swallowed a dictionary.
    It gave me thesaurus throat ever.
97. Why did the barber win an award?
    He was a cut above the rest.
98. I tried to organize a hide-and-seek competition.
    Good players are hard to find.
99. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the ketchup bottle.
100. I used to be addicted to brake fluid.
     But I can stop anytime.
101. Why did the man sit on his wallet?
     He wanted to be on money.
102. I’m reading a book about glue.
     I just can’t seem to put it down.
103. Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
     It was ground this morning.
104. I used to work at a shoe recycling shop.
     It was sole destroying.
105. Why did the computer show up late?
     It had a hard drive.
106. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
107. Why did the cookie go to school?
     To become a smart cookie.
108. I wanted to be a professional fisherman.
     But I couldn’t find the net worth.
109. Why did the calendar apply for a job?
     It wanted to make some dates.
110. I once got into a fight with a broken elevator.
     I took steps to avoid it.
111. Why did the light bulb fail school?
     It wasn’t too bright.
112. I told my dog to fetch a stick.
     He said, “I’m not that kind of lab.”
113. Why did the orange lose the race?
     It ran out of juice.
114. I used to be a photographer.
     But I couldn’t focus.
115. Why did the farmer win an award?
     Because he was outstanding in his field. (Yes, it’s so dad it can repeat.)
116. I tried to make a belt out of leaves.
     It was a waist of thyme.
117. Why did the baker go to therapy?
     He had too much on his plate.
118. I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
     Complete fan.
119. Why did the frog take the bus?
     His car got toad away.
120. I tried to write a joke about paper.
     It was tear-able.

If these dad jokes made your kids laugh (and maybe made you groan just a little), save this list for your next family dinner, road trip, or classroom brain break.

And if you have a favorite dad joke we should add, leave it in the comments — we’re always ready for one more eye-roll-worthy laugh.

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