Dad jokes usually get a pretty bad rap with some of the corny punchlines. But these dad jokes are one of a kind, as we have gathered the ultimate list of dad humor jokes to get you laughing together.
Everyone loves a good joke, especially when it is a dad joke! It seems like dads always know how to improve the situation by telling a joke (even if it is a little corny!) We have gathered the very best dad jokes, dad jokes for kids, and one-liner dad jokes so that you can surprise your dad with a joke or two of your own to get him to laugh.
So get ready to laugh with your dad as you take turns telling these awesome dad jokes (that may be a little corny or cheesy at times), but no matter what, one thing is for sure; You are going to both laugh and love spending time with one another. So dive in and get ready to laugh!
ready for even more laughs? Don’t stop here; check out our cow jokes, our pirate jokes, and our fish jokes.
The Best dad jokes
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
- What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
- How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
- Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
- What country’s capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
- What’s the best-smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
- What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
- Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
- What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office!
- What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St. Nickel-less.
- Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the boat doc.
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
- Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
- What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
- How do you make 7 even? Take away the s.
- How does a taco say grace? Lettuce pray.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn’t have the guts.
- What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
- What does a bee use to brush its hair? A honeycomb!
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. JK! Rowling.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
- What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
- What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
- Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
- What’s a robot’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
- How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
- What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
- Why are piggy banks so wise? They’re filled with common cents.
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
- How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
- How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
- What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
- Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
- What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.
- What does a baby computer call his father? Data
- After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
- What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Flop.
- Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
- What brand of underwear do scientists wear? Kelvin Klein.
- Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
- Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
- How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.
- What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.
- What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
- Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes.
- What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
- Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
- How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
- Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
- What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.
- What is a guitar player’s favorite Italian food? Strum-boli.
- How does cereal pay its bills? With Chex.
- Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- Why’d the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He’s an excellent parallel Parker.
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena colada.
- What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.
- What do you call a wizard who’s really bad at football? Fumbledore.
- How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)
- What’s blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- How do flat-earthers travel? On a plane.
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
- Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight and 2021.
- What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.
- Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
- What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let’s get together and make a spectacle of ourselves.
- How come the Hulk doesn’t lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.
- How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.
- Where do dads store their dad jokes? In the dad-a-base.
- What kind of fruit do ghosts like? Boo-berries.
- What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
- Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it’s so time-consuming.
- Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works better.
- What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
- What do you call bears with no ears? B.
- What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
- What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
- Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
One-Liner Dad Jokes
- A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
- I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic…It’s called the Plaguestation 5.
- When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
- A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What do you want?” The man says, “Oh, just some fruit punch.” The bartender sighs and shakes his head, “If you want punch, you’re gonna have to wait in line.” The man looks around, but there is no punchline.
- I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
- I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
- My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
- My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.
- My wife told me she didn’t understand cloning. I told her, “That makes two of us.”
- My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
- My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.
- When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
- My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.
- My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don’t worry, I’ll return.
- “Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!”
- I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” she asked. I answered, “It’s me… talking to my beer.”
- My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Because she has no taste.”
- Marriage involves three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.
- “Your wife and daughter look like twins,” my friend said. “Well,” I replied, “they were separated at birth.”
- One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”
- I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.
- I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
- My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
- My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.
- My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.
- I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.
- “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
- What happened when the ten-year-old cannibal spilled his soup? His mother gave him an earful.
- I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
- I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
- My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.
- I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!
- A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
- Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
- “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
- Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
- A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”
- A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
- Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
- My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him.
- I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.
- I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
- Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
- I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
- My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
- I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.
- When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…
- “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
- That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.
- Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.
- If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
- “A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.'”
- Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.
- “A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.'”
- I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently, I couldn’t concentrate.
- I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
- Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
- I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
- I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
- I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
- I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
- You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
- “What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
- “I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”
- “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
- I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too-weak notice.
- Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
- If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
- I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
- got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”
- I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
- My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
- “Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
- This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
- “Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
- “I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.”
- My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
- Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
- What does garlic do when it gets hot?” “It takes its cloves off.
- Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
- Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
- Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
- I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
- Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
- I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
- My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”
- I don’t get why Marvel doesn’t use the Hulk to advertise more. He’s basically one big Banner.
- I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!
- My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, “I always have a few Twix up my sleeve.”
- I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
- Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
- In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble.
- In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.
- My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
- If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
- This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
- It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.
- I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
- The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this
- I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
- I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
- I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
- I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
- If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.
- If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled?
- Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.
- A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You’ll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
- A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.
- People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise. Dawn is tough on Greece.
- Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I don’t get why bakers aren’t wealthier. They make so much dough.
- I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
- My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I’m feeling cannelloni right now.
- I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
- I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
- Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
- I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
- I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
- Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
- I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.
- I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table.
- “Cop: I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.” Man: “Wait! I can explain everything!”
- My friend couldn’t afford to pay his bill, so I sent him a “Get Well Soon” card.
- I’m Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
- Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?
- This year’s Fibonacci convention is going to be really special. Apparently, it’s as big as the last two put together.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
- I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.
- In 2017 I didn’t do a marathon. I didn’t do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.
- Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
- Ever since we started quarantining, I’ve only been telling inside jokes.
- If you’re feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It’ll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. “Sure,” I said. “My door is always open.”
- I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. “No,” I said. “It’s to look at.”
- My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
- When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
- My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
- A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly. And as you can see, they were Wright.
- I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
- Anyone looking to buy a Delorean? Good shape, good mileage. Only driven from time to time
- During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them.
- Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I’m just asking for a friend.
- When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
- “Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
- I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
- I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn’t come with a driver. I can’t believe I have nothing to chauffer it.
- What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
- I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
- Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
- At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
- I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
- A buddy asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.
- How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer will shock you!
- I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there’s a salad dressing.
- I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn’t work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.
- Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.
- Lance isn’t that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.
- I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel.
- She said I won’t be able to make it.
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off—too much sax and violins.
- A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, “It’s a moving violation.”
- Swords will never go obsolete. They’re cutting edge technology.
- I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job.”
- What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath? Bubble 07.
- 30 percent of pet owners let their pets sleep in their bed. I tried it and my goldfish died.
- What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
- I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist. A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
- You used to be able to get air for free at gas stations, but now it’s a $1. That’s inflation for you.
- My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth. So I have an uncle, once removed.
- I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store.
- Clothes, but no cigar.
- My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
- Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
- As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
- I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
- I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.
- They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
- The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
- If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.
- I have a fish that can break dance. Only for ten seconds though, and only once.
- My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
- In my free time, I like to help blind people. Verb, not adjective.
- A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
- I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly 32 old guys.
- I lost 25% of my roof last night…oof.
Do you have some other funny dad jokes that may be a little corny? Be sure to share them in the comments so we can add them to the list!
Printable dad Jokes
Print your dad jokes and have fun giggling with the entire family!
Check out these Jokes
Jokes for Kids
- The Best Jokes for Kids
- Lunch Box Jokes
- Funny Lunch Box Jokes
- Earth Day Jokes for Kids
- Bear jokes for Kids
- Birthday Jokes
- Fall Lunch Box Jokes
- Halloween Lunch Box Jokes
- Thanksgiving Lunch Box Jokes
- Hanukkah Jokes for Kids
- Christmas Lunch Box Jokes
- Spring Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards
- Pirate Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards
- Easter Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards
- Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards
- Airplane Jokes for Kids
- Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards
- Apple Jokes
- Banana Jokes
- Bowling Jokes
- Pig Jokes
- Bacon Jokes
- Lemon Jokes
- Road Trip Jokes
- Camp Jokes
- The Best Graduation Jokes
- Water Jokes for Kids
- Dinosaur Jokes
- Donut Jokes
- Candy Jokes for Kids
- Computer Jokes for Kids
- Clown Jokes for kids
- Monkey Jokes for Kids
- Crab Jokes for Kids
- Turtle Jokes for Kids
- Ninja Jokes for Kids
- Hockey Jokes for Kids
- Turkey Jokes
- Ghost Jokes
- Football Jokes
- Pumpkin Jokes for Kids and Adults
- Skeleton Jokes
- Cow Jokes
- Halloween Jokes for Kids
- Disney Jokes for Kids
- Elk Jokes
- Robot Jokes
- Lighthouse Riddles, Jokes and Puns
- Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids
- Santa Jokes
- Elf on the Shelf Jokes
- Christmas Tree Jokes
- Snow Jokes
- Reindeer Jokes
- Christmas Jokes
- Elf Jokes
- Christmas Knock Knock Jokes
- Chicken Jokes
- Dad Jokes
- Cat Jokes
- Duck Jokes
- Chemistry Jokes
- Dog Jokes
- Guess Who Jokes
- New Years Jokes
- Winter Jokes
- Snowman Jokes
- Best Knock Knock Jokes
- Lawyer Jokes
- Cheese Jokes
- Guess What Jokes
- Coffee Jokes
- Dentist Jokes
- Harry Potter Jokes
- Egg Jokes
- Horse Jokes
- Teacher Jokes
- Car Jokes
- Fishing Jokes
- Bee Jokes
- Frost Jokes
- Summer Jokes
- Elephant Jokes
- Animal Jokes
- Corn Jokes
- Shark Jokes
- Frog Jokes
- Father’s Day Jokes
- Monday Jokes
- Wednesday Jokes
- Pizza Jokes
- Farmer Jokes
- Taco Jokes
- Baseball Jokes
- Bird Jokes
- Back to School Jokes
- Toddler Jokes
- Star Wars Jokes
- Corny Jokes
- Cowboy Jokes
- Bible Jokes
- Best Friday Jokes
- Funniest Laffy Taffy Jokes
Jokes for Adults
- Bald Jokes
- Flirty Knock Knock Jokes
- Husband Wife Jokes
- Jokes to Tell Your Boyfriend
- Jokes to Tell a Girl
- Funny Jokes to Tell Your Crush
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Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. With her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer, Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.