100 Best Bald Jokes [Free Joke Cards]

Last Updated on February 14, 2024 by Michele Tripple

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Ready to go bald with laughter? These bald jokes will leave you laughing for hours.

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Jokes are so fun for the whole family that makes everyone laugh. These bald jokes may hit a little close to home for some, but that is why they are even funnier. Maybe so funny that you may even forget your hair loss blues. These jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone and make you realize that you will never have a bad hair day again.

Be sure to check out our Duck Jokes and our Best Teacher Jokes that will make you laugh even harder!

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Bald Jokes

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  • Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there is your diamond in the rough.
  • When do you know you’re going bald? When you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
  • I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy’s hair. But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.
  • I wouldn’t say I was going bald, but… When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, ‘which one?’
  • What happened between a bald person and their hair? They had a falling out.
  • What do you call a balding web developer? A 404-head.
  • Why are people really worried about this recession? They fear that they may go bald.
  • What is the best way to irritate a guy with a receding hairline who also has a thick beard? Simply ask him, “Why is your hair cut upside down?”
  • My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude.
  • My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends, ‘Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head’, she said. I said, ‘Thanks, but we’re here to talk about the baby.
  • 3 wives want to decide what to wear. The first one says, “My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress.” The second one says, “My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress.” The third wife, on hearing this starts panicking. When asked she tells the other two, “My husband is bald.”
  • What do you call a bald guy named Gary? Garibaldi.
  • Why are so many thieves bald? They dreadlock.Why do bald people always look forward to sunny days? That’s their time to shine.
  • After years of being bare, the idea of hair doesn’t sound too bad. It’s starting to grow on me.
  • Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower? Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
  • What is the mantra that bald people live by? “Getting bald has nothing to do with losing hair, but it has a lot about gaining more head.”
  • I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head because from a distance. They looked like hares.
  • What’s worse than finding hair in your food? Finding out the chef is bald.
  • A balding, middle-aged man asked his barber, why he charged him the full price for cutting his hair — there’s so little of it. “Well, I actually only charge a little for cutting it. What you’re paying for is my search for it”, said the barber.
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  • Why is it against the law to hunt bald eagles? Because it’s ill-eagle.
  • What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb? A bald eagle.
  • When people make snarky comments about losing your hair, Say, “With a body like this, who needs hair?
  • What did the balding thief say in the wig store? “Toupée or not toupée?”
  • Why were all the lice sad on the head of a bald man? They look like they are all homeless!
  • What do diarrhea and baldness have in common? They both run in your genes.
  • My friend was going bald. So I asked him, “Who’s your barber, genetics?”
  • Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens? He lost his Hedwig.
  • What did my wife say when I was going bald? “Your head is so shiny that I can use it as a mirror.”
  • What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man? “You are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!”
  • What sort of gun is a bald guy’s favorite? One with a hair trigger.
  • What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless.
  • What do you call a bald man on a windy day? Fortunate.
  • People with hairless heads have problems. You cannot pretend that the hair you find in food is your own.
  • What special day do bald people celebrate? They like to celebrate No-Hair Day.
  • What is truly pointless? To tell a bald guy a hair-raising story.
  • What are bald sea captains afraid of? Cap sizes.
  • What did my bald brother say when I gave him a comb as a gift? “Thanks. I will never ever part with this comb.”
  • “Doctor, doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?” “Yes, here is a paper bag!”
  • How can you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed to one side.
  • Bald people struggle with improvement. They can’t seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.
  • I like playing chess with bald people in the park. The problem is, it’s kinda hard to find 32 of them.
  • A bald guy killed all the barbers in my town. Boy, that was a hair-raising tragedy.
  • Did you hear about the bald man’s will after he died? Turns out he didn’t have any heirs.
  • What does a balding magician have in his hat? Hare.
  • What will Prince Harry do if he starts going bald? He’ll wear a raspberry toupee.
  • What do you call an airplane full of bald people? Receding airlines.
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  • What did René Descartes say when he went bald? “Cogito hair go sum.”
  • Who has been waiting for the longest for Philadelphia’s first NFL championship? Bald eagles.
  • Why do bald eagles always look mad? Because they’re bald.
  • Who is the most famous bald DJ? Calvin Hairless.
  • Why do women trust bald men more than normal men? Because bald men have nothing to hide!
  • What did the barber say to the bald person when he entered the salon? “Hey, what are you doing hair?”
  • Why is it so easy to guess what a bald guy is going to say? Because you can literally see what’s on their mind!
  • Why was there a lot of controversy about the bald man’s will? Turns out he didn’t have any heirs.
  • What do you say to an annoying bald person? “Do you know that hair is dead, so that means your head is basically a corpse?”
  • How do you define the biggest irony in the world? When a bald couple names their son Harry!
  • What is the coolest way to roast a guy who is going bald? Simply say, “Hey, if you wear a turtleneck shirt you will most definitely look like a roll on deodorant.”
  • What do you say to a bald guy if he is always annoying you? ” I am going to need binoculars to look at your hair.”
  • What’s not to say in an argument against a bald person? “Hair me out.”
  • Why are all the dead sinners bald? Because they have hell toupee.
  • A friend told me I look like James Taylor. Just after he went bald.
  • Bald men are meant to be more virile. The problem is they never get the chance to prove it.

One-Liner Bald Jokes

  • The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch is that people think you’re just tall.
  • I first noticed I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.
  • I can’t tell if I’m going bald… or if it’s all in my head.
  • His head is brighter than my future.
  • I’m not saying you are going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
  • Beauty is only skin deep… I guess that’s why you have hair.
  • My luck is like a bald guy… who just won a comb.
  • A bald guy slipped in the shower. He fell on his head and slipped again.
  • Imagine having a head that resembles a brand-new pot!
  • I am not saying you’re losing your hair, but the lice on your head are starting to picket about deforestation.
  • Being bald means you went back to your roots.
  • A bald actor has the biggest part in a play.
  • Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
  • You’re so bald, that the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
  • You are so bald, the reflection of your head is blinding people on another side of the world.

Do you have some more bald joke humor? Be sure to share it in the comments so we can laugh too!

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