100 Funny Fish jokes for kids + Free Printable Cards

Last Updated on October 13, 2021 by Michele Tripple

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Got fish lovers in the house? Get them laughing with these 100 funny fish jokes. Make it even better with the free printable cards perfect for lunchboxes!

Funny Fish Jokes

My kids love fish! In fact, everyday they ask me if we can get a fish… I quickly change the subject by making them laugh with these fun fish jokes! Jokes are a great way to connect and have fun with one another!

We take our love of jokes one step further by adding them to their lunch boxes. These fun fish lunch box cards are perfect to give them a laugh and it also helps me write a little note on the back letting them know I love them! You can grab your free fish joke cards below!

Ready for more joke cards! Be sure to grab these too!

100 of the Best Fish Jokes

Don’t forget to download your fish joke printable cards below!

Q. What kind of fish only comes out at night?

A. A starfish.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A. Fishually impaired!

Q. What did a shark eat with its peanut butter sandwich?

A. A jellyfish.

Q. How does a squid go into battle?

A. Well-armed!

Q. Why did the fish get bad grades?

A. Because it was below sea level.

Q. What did the shark say when he was accused of hitting his brother?

A. Not gill-ty!

Q. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?

A. Something with a good tune-a!

Q. What did the Mum shark say to the kid shark?

A. Watch that sharkasm, young man!

Q. How do shellfish get to the hospital?

A. In a clambulance.

Q. What do sharks order at McDonalds?

A. A quarter flounder with cheese!

Q. What did the shark say after eating a clownfish?

A. That tasted a little bit funny!

Q. Why did the crab never share?

A. Because he’s shellfish!

Q. What do whales have for dinner?

A. They eat fish and ships.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?

A. Take out the G and Fish!

Q. What does every fisherman want?

A. A gillfriend.

Q. Why don’t fish like computers?

A. They’re scared of the net!

Q. What do you call a fish with two legs?

A. A two-knee fish.

Q. Where do fish sleep?

A. On the sea bed!

Q. How did the oyster manage to hide from the fish?

A. Clamouflage!

Q. What’s the most musical part of a fish?

A. The scales!

Q. What did one fish say to the other?

A. Keep your mouth shut and you won’t get caught.

Q. What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?

A. Drop it a line!

Q. Why are fish so easy to weigh?

A. Because they have their own scales.

Q. What do you call a shark with a tie?

A. So-fish-ticated!

Q. A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish “What can I get you?”

A. The little fish replies (gasping) “Water! I need water!”

Q. What do fish use to help them hear?

A. A herring aid!

Q. Where do fishermen go to get their hair cut?

A. The bobber shop.

Q. Which musical instruments can catch fish?

A. Castanets!

Q. How do you talk to a fish?

A. You drop it a line.

Q. Where are most fish found?

A. Between their head and tail!

Q. Two fish swam into a concrete wall.

A. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”

Q. What do maps and fish have in common?

A. They both have scales!

Q. There was a massive fight today at the fish restaurant.

A. One fish got battered!

Q. What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with a P.E sock?

A. A hook, line and stinker!

Q. Where does a fish keep its money?

A. A riverbank.

Q. What would you have if you crossed an owl with an oyster?

A. An animal that gives you pearls of wisdom!

Q. What do you call a fish that won’t shut up?

A. A big-mouthed bass.

Q. Why did Batman and Robin quit going fishing together?

A. Because Robin ate all the worms!

Q. Why are fish cleverer than people?

A. Ever see a fish spend a fortune trying to catch a human?

Q. Where do goldfish go on vacation?

A. Around the globe!

Q. What do you call a fish with lots of money?

A. A goldfish.

Q. How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?

A. By golf carp!

Q. Why did the dog jump from the boat into the ocean?

A. He thought he saw a catfish.

Q. What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument?

A. A bass drum.

Q. What type of music should you listen to whilst fishing?

A. Something catchy.

Q. Waiter, waiter, what’s wrong with this fish?

A. Long time no sea, sir.

Q. Why did the fish blush?

A. Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.

Q. What is a fish’s favorite show?

A. Name That Tuna.

Q. What’s the fastest fish in the lake?

A. A motor-Pike.

Q. What did the fish say when he posted bail?

A. I’m off the hook!

Q. What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?

A. You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish!

Q. Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?

A. Just for the halibut!

Q. What is the easiest way to catch a fish?

A. Have someone throw it to you.

Q. What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals?

A. Autotuna

Q. How many tickles will it take to make an octopus laugh?

A. Ten-tickles.

Q. How do you make a fish laugh?

A. Tell a whale of a tale.

Q. Why don’t fish like basketball?

A. Because they’re afraid of the net!

Q. What happens when you drink like a fish?

A. You piss like a fire hose.

Q. What do fish take to stay healthy?

A. Vitamin Sea.

Q. Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink?

A. Just Squidding.

Q. What is the most famous fish you can catch?

A. A starfish.

Q. What does the pope eat during lent?

A. Holy mackerel!

Q. What day of the week do all fish dislike the most?

A. Fryday.

Q. Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?

A. A Mer-Maid

Q. What do you call a fish that practices medicine?

A. A Sturgeon.

Q. Why do oysters go to the gym?

A. It’s good for the mussel.

Q. Why do fish swim in schools?

A. Because they can’t walk.

Q. What happens when you put nutella on salmon?

A. You get salmonella.

Q. Why didn’t Noah do much fishing on the ark?

A. He only had two worms.

Q. How does a seahorse quickly get from one place to another?

A. He scallops!

Q. Where do you find a fish in orbit?

A. Trouter space.

Q. Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco?

A. He pulled a muscle

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A. Fsh.

Q. How do fish travel long distances?

A. They whale (hail) a cab.

Q. Where do fish go to borrow money?

A. A loan-shark.

Q. What party game do fish like to play?

A. Salmon Says.

Q. Why is fishing such good business?

A. The net profits.

Q. How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?

A. He prawned everything!

Q. What kind of fish eats mice?

A. A catfish.

Q. What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

A. As far away as possible!

Q. What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with a P.E sock?

A. A hook, line, and stinker!

Q. Why did the whale cross the road?

A. To get to the other tide!

Q. Which country do fish like to go for a vacation?

A. Finland

Q. Where do women keep their money when underwater?

A. In a octurpurse.

Q. What do you call a lazy Crawfish?

A. A slobster.

Q. Why don’t lobsters ever pay retail?

A. Because they are Sale-fish.

Q. I am alive without breath and cold as death. I am never thirsty but always drinking. What am I?

A. Fish.

Q. Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?

A. On squid row!

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?

A. Swimming trunks.

Q. What do you call an underwater transformer?

A. Octopus Prime.

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?

A. Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Q. What kind of fish plays the guitar?

A. Bassist.

Q. Why did the scuba divers start laughing when they got near the coral reefs?

A. They saw a clownfish.

Q. What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?

A. Monkfish

Q. Who held the baby octopus to ransome?

A. Squidnappers!

Q. What do you call a dog underwater?

A. A Scooby diver.

Q. What do you call a smelly fish?

A. A stink ray!

Q. How do you keep a fish from smelling?

A. Cut off his nose.

Q. What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?

A. A fish tank!

Q. What’s the head of the underwater mafia called?

A. The Codfather

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