100 Best Coffee Jokes To Brew Up Laughter

Last Updated on January 31, 2024 by Michele Tripple

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Perk up your day with these fun Coffee jokes. They are the perfect way to add a little humor into your daily life as we celebrate one of our most loved drinks. Check out these fun coffee jokes to start your morning off with a cup of joe and a good laugh so you can roast your friends with laughter.

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Coffee is a staple for many people around the world, providing the caffeine boost and comfort that helps them tackle their daily tasks with energy and enthusiasm. And what better way to celebrate this beverage than with a few lighthearted jokes that showcase its charm and quirks?

Coffee jokes come in all shapes and sizes, from puns and one-liners to clever wordplay. Whether you are a coffee enthusiast or just someone who appreciates a good laugh, there is a coffee joke out there that is sure to tickle your funny bone.

So, grab your favorite coffee, sit down, and relax as you enjoy some hilarious coffee jokes.

While you are at it, check out our other funny jokes, like our Cheese jokes, Donut jokes, Banana jokes, Guess What Jokes and our Guess who jokes.

 
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Coffee Jokes

brown travel coffee cup on white background with green border
  • Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
  • What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.
  • What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
  • Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
  • How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
  • What did the coffee lover name her son? Joe, obviously.
  • What did the caffeine addict name his cats? Cream and Sugar.
  • How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee? You channel surf faster without the remote.
  • How does the serial killer like his coffee? How he likes his victims—all ground up.
  • How is divorce like espresso? It’s expensive and bitter.
  • What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!
  • How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  • Where do birds go for coffee? To the NESTcafe.
  • What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
  • What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging!
  • What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
  • Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged.
  • How does a tech guy drink coffee? He installs Java!
  • How do cups greet each other? With mugs and kisses.
  • What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
  • What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee? A brewhaha.
green mug with brown heart in yellow quote bubble on white background with green border
  • What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you? I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
  • Why do they call coffee mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  • Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
  • How are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded!
  • What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
  • Why did the barista get fired?  They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.
  • Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee? Because according to the Torah, He Brews!
  • Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
  • How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.
  • What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before? Déjà brew.
  • What did the barista’s Valentine say? I can’t espresso my love for you.
  • What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work? Break fluid.
  • A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer. It was instant.
  • What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut!
  • What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
  • What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? “What’s Sumatra with you?”
  • I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee… Safe tea first, though.
  • Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would murder someone for a cup of coffee. I really should move that mirror.
  • Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso? It’s a cheap shot.
  • What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
green heartbeat line with word coffee in the middle on white background with green border
  • A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
  • Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company? It can make for a strong and heated debate.
  • Why did the espresso keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
  • What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
  • A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye. The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
  • I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker. It has a lot of perks.
  • A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go. The coffee gets up and leaves.
  • What currency can we use to buy coffee in space? S T A R B U C K S.
  • Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup? He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
  • “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer. “Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
  • People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning. No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
  • Why do I not like hot drinks? It’s just not my cup of tea.
  • I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car.
  • Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee? Because they have Italian titles for everything!
  • How do you make Pig Jerky? Give them some coffee.
  • What do beans say to their Valentines? You keep me grounded.
  • What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot!
  • What’s its favorite Bob Marley song? Don’t Worry, Be Frappé.
  • What did the coffees say before their night out? et’s stir up some trouble!
  • How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
brown mug with splashing coffee on white background with green border
  • What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind!
  • What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.

One-Liner Coffee Puns

  • Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.
  • You’re brew-ti-ful.
  • Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
  • It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.
  • We’re the perfect blend.
  • Where have you bean all my life?
  • You mocha me very happy.
  • Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
  • I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.
  • I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind.
  • If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
  • If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
  • Soup of the day: Coffee.
  • I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.
  • I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance.
three brown coffee beans on white background with green border
  • Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
  • She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
  • I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
  • Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.
  • You’re brew-ti-ful.
  • She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
  • She’ll get her daily cup of coffee through whatever beans necessary.
  • Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
  • I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me.
  • Bad news: I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Good news: It’s all under control.
  • We’re the perfect blend.
  • You’re brew-ti-ful.
  • Thanks a latte for me being my friend.
  • You warm my heart.
  • Where have you bean all my life?
  • You mocha me very happy.
  • Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
  • Dad likes his iced coffee like he likes the thermostat: COLD.
  • I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.
  • It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.
  • Wake me up before you cocoa!
  • A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
brown travel coffee mug on white background with green border

Love coffee jokes? Do you have one that we missed? Share it in the comments so we can add it to the list.

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