80+ Best Monday Jokes That Make You LOL [Free Joke Cards]

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Brace yourself, Monday is almost here! Don’t worry these Monday jokes will make you not want to hit the snooze button. These jokes will chase those Monday blues away leaving you laughing all week long.

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Monday, the day we all love to hate. If you are not quite ready to start another week we have you covered with these jokes that are sure to make you laugh that will make you actually like a Monday! In fact, you will like these Monday jokes so much that they will put a smile on your face and a bounce in your step.

So raise grab your favorite drink, your friends and family, or your grumpiest coworker and get them to crack a smile with these Monday jokes that are sure to make you laugh and smile when they hear the punchline.

For even more Monday funnies, check out our Fishing Jokes and our Nurse Jokes.

 
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Monday jokes

Monday joke on white background with red border and large yellow sun that says "hello Monday"
  • Knock Knock! Who’s there? Heymon. Heymon who? Heymonday is here already!
  • Knock knock. Who’s there? Monday. Go away!
  • Are you ready for Monday? Nope!
  • Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday. Good morning.
  • For everyone in the working world today: It’s a Tuesday… which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
  • What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.
  • I know a lot of you are sad because it’s a Monday… but don’t forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day.
  • Once 4 o’clock hits on Sunday, you know there is no escaping what’s coming next.
  • “I always give 100% at work. 14% on Monday. 30% on Tuesday. 30% on Wednesday. 24% on Thursday. 2% on Friday.”
  • Boss: “Can you work this weekend?” Me: “Yeah no worries but I’ll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.” Boss: “What time will you get here?” Me: “Monday.”
  • One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours. The same as one Monday on Earth. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week!
  • Things I don’t like: 1) Probably you. 2) Cold coffee. 3) Small talk. 4) Mondays. 5) Having a small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
  • Why was the root vegetable so happy on Monday? He was up-beet!
  • I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three-day weekend and Mondays won’t seem so bad.
  • What does the executioner say on Monday mornings? Time to beheaded to work.
  • Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.
  • What’s the most depressing sound on Monday? Alarm clocks!
  • Which day of the week makes werewolves howl? Moonday!
  • Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday? He was feeling rotten!
  • It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow… Monday.
  • What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings? Meetless Mondays.
Monday joke on white background with red border and large yellow sun with hello Monday written in the center
  • In a calendar, Monday comes before Sunday. But when does Monday come before Sunday? In the dictionary!
  • Why does Spider-Man only fight crime 6 days a week? Because Garfield doesn’t like Mondays.
  • Monday morning… rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. Somehow the floor is even comfier than the bed.
  • Uggggghh…… another Monday is near. All I look forward to anymore is laying down and relaxing on the couch after a long day of sitting upright and being tense on the couch.
  • Everybody has their favorite villain. Monday is mine.
  • Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby? Monday really needs something to keep itself busy so we don’t have to see it.
  • Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling? Because Monday is a weakday.
  • If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. No one would ever want to watch it.
  • A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday… having wet shoes leaving the office on a Friday is better than having dry shoes walking into the office on a Monday.
  • What did the cashew say on Monday morning? Monday always drives me nuts!
  • Why was the broom late for school on Monday? He over-swept!
  • In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week? The Mondaylorians.
  • If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays. Store credit will do, I’ll exchange it for another Saturday.
  • I thought about wishing you a ‘Happy Monday!’ But that’s like saying ‘enjoy your root canal.’
  • Did you hear about the African who loved Monday mornings? He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
  • What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week? Monday morning quarterbacks…
  • What is the best way to describe Monday? Monday-ne!
  • What does Sonic need a lot of on Mondays? Hedge-hugs.
  • What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday? He called it a day!
  • Happy Monday. Don’t worry, Friday is (almost) coming.
Monday joke on white background with red borders and large yellow sun with Happy Monday written in the center
  • Why do fishermen catch barramundi on a Monday? Because if they caught it a day later, they would have to call it barratuesdi.
  • Did you hear about the lady with chronic laryngitis who always wished everyone a happy Monday? She did it weakly!
  • On what day do ghosts do their howling? Moan-day!
  • Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job? After 24 weeks, they have a case of Mondays!
  • Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins? Sunday.
  • Monday is a weekday.
  • Just once I want to wake up on Monday morning, turn on the news, and hear: Monday’s been canceled go back to bed.”
  • What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts? Cyborg Monday!
  • The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day.
  • What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket? Moon-day!
  • How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings? Have a goud-a week!
  • Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday? He was a Mondaylorian.
  • Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week. Once a week is more than enough.
  • Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday? They got all of the trick questions right!
  • What did the cyclops say when he was told to wake up for school on Monday morning? Eye don’t want to get up!
  • If a man arrived in a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed there for one night, how is it possible that he arrived back home on Monday? The horse’s name was Monday!
  • What do kids do on Mondays during vacation? The same thing they do every other day!
  • Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked, Monday. The weekend goes by way too fast.
  • Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week? He had been Monday laundering!
  • How do you make time go fast on Monday? Throw a clock!
  • Guess who is so excited that today is Monday? That’s right! Not me!
Monday joke on white background with red border and large yellow sun with HELLO MONDAY written in the center
  • Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday? He was the school spirit!
  • There’s a Friday for every Monday. Have a great week.
  • Hello, I’m Monday! I will be with you all day long

One-Liner Monday Jokes

Happy Monday image with pink border and a Monday pun
  • After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF…
  • The shortest horror story is called: “Monday.”
  • Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.
  • Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.
  • Dear Monday, go step on a lego.
  • If Monday were shoes, they’d be crocs.
  • Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link.
  • I’m not coming out of the house until Monday is over!
  • Due to lack of interest, Monday has been canceled.
  • Work is usually easy, but once in a while, it gives me a run for my Monday.
  • I think I’m allergic to Monday.
  • Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.
  • Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.
  • If Monday were a person, it wouldn’t have friends.
  • But first champagne. I mean coffee… It’s Monday.
  • In the sentence: “I love Monday”, the guy is crazy, retired, or on vacation.
  • Even if Monday and Thursday switched places, I would still hate Monday.
  • Monday should be optional.
  • I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday it can possibly be.
  • “Yay, Monday!” Said no one… Ever.
Happy Monday image with pink border and a Monday joke

Do you have some other fun Monday jokes that make you laugh? Share them in the comments so we can laugh too!

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