260 Best Teacher Jokes That Get An A+ [Free Joke Cards]

Last Updated on February 10, 2024 by Michele Tripple

This post contains affiliate links. If you click and buy we may make a commission, at no additional charge to you. Please see our disclosure for more details.

Looking for a good laugh? Well, you’re in luck because we’ve got a whole stack of teacher jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re a student who wants to make your teacher laugh or an educator who needs a good chuckle after a long day, we have just what you are looking for.

a hand holding a childs hand to teach how to properly hold a pencil on half the image with a pink background on the left with a white oval with a pink border with a image of a notebook, pencil and a ruler pink writing "the best teacher  jokes"

From corny puns to witty one-liners, teacher jokes are a timeless classic that never fail to amuse both students and teachers. They help make the everyday struggles of being a teacher, from dealing with misbehaving students to grading stacks of papers a little bit easier, especially when we have a good laugh to share with your teaching friends.

So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh with some of the best teacher jokes out there. So put your alege-bruh on hold and get ready to laugh after a long day.

When you’re finished with these teacher jokes, be sure to check out nurse jokes, lawyer jokes, and dentist jokes for more laughs!

Grab Your
Sign up for our email list and get these joke cards delivered right to your inbox! 
Great! Check your email to confirm your subscription and grab your joke cards!
white writing "260 best teacher jokes" with 3 teal squares with a teacher joke and answer in each square.

Teacher Jokes

White background with teal border, with black text and a multicolored rainbow
  • How do you comfort a grammar teacher? Say… “They’re, there, their.”
  • Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses in the classroom? Because the class was so bright.
  • Which school teachers have the greenest thumbs? The kinder-garden teachers.
  • Why was the geometry book so adorable? Because it had acute angles.
  • What do you call a teacher who forgot to take attendance? Absent-minded.
  • Teacher: If I had 8 oranges in one hand and 10 apples in the other hand, what would I have? Student: Big hands!
  • What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I’ll go through it again!
  • Teacher: We will only have a half-day of school this morning… Students: Yay!!!! Teacher: Then we will have the other half this afternoon.
  • Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school? Student: I don’t know! Teacher: Correct!
  • Teacher: What are two pronouns? Student: Who? Me?
  • Teacher: What did you do at the weekend? Student: I did some cooking. Teacher: Lovely, what did you bake? Student: Synonym rolls just like grammar used to make! Teacher: Give me a sentence beginning with ‘I’. Student: I is the… Teacher: Remember you must say ‘I am’ not ‘I is’. Student: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
  • Why was the geometry class always tired? Because they were all out of shape.
  • Who’s the king of the classroom? The ruler.
  • What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil? Stop going in circles and get to the point.
  • What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the first letter and the last.
  • Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance? Because he had nobody to go with.
  • Teacher: Why are you late for school? Student: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does the sign have to do with you being late? Student: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
  • A teacher that doesn’t know anything… Child: I think we need a new teacher. Mom: Why’s that? Child: Our teacher doesn’t know anything! She keeps asking us for the answers…

August Teacher Jokes

  • Why did the teacher wear sunglasses on the first day of school? She heard her classes were super bright!
  • What do turtles do when the first day of school is over? They Shell-abrate!
  • Why don’t bubbles like to go to school? They can’t handle the POP quizzes!
  • What did the crayon say to the colored pencil? What’s your point? or Looking Sharp!
  • What did the math book say to the chapter book? Ha, You thought you had problems !?! or You can count on me!
  • What school supply is the real King or Queen of the classroom? The Ruler!
  • What does a Math Teacher climb for fun? A Geometry!
White background with teal border, with black text and a multicolored rainbow
  • Why did the student eat his/her homework? S/he didn’t have a dog!
  • What do you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean? A Title Wave!
  • How can you make the school year fly by? Just throw a clock in the classroom!
  • What type of dog does a magician have? A labracadabrador!Jess Heginbotham
  • Why can’t basketball players go to Elementary School? They have to go directly to High School!
  • What dinosaur has the best vocabulary? Thesaurus-Rex
  • Why didn’t the teacher jump into the pool? S/he wanted to TEST the water first!
  • Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they love the “C” too much!
  • How do bees get to school? They ride the school buzz!
  • What kind of candy do kids eat on the playground? Recess Pieces
  • Why do people think owls are so smart? It’s because they are good at Owl-gebra!
  • What is a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrrrrt
  • What is smarter than a talking dog? A Spelling Bee
  • What is a smart student’s favorite candy? Smarties

September Teacher Jokes

  • What is a tree’s least favorite month? Sep-timber
  • Where do you take a bad rainbow? To prism
  • What plays music in your hair? A headband
  • Why are reptiles so good at solving problems? They are good investi-gators!
  • What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, Matey” (I’m Eighty)
  • What do cows favorite game to play? Truth or Dairy
  • Which Star Wars character do pirates like the best? Arrrr2-D2
  • What do you get when you mix an elephant and a skunk? A smelly-phant
  • What does peanut butter wear to bed? Pa-jammies
  • What do monkeys eat for lunch? Gorilla cheese sandwiches
  • What does a mouse say after it takes a bath? “I’m squeaky clean!”
  • What is a pig’s favorite thing to do at home? They like bacon cakes!
White background with teal border, with black text and a multicolored rainbow
  • What do you get if you are allergic to pasta? Macaroni and Sneeze
  • What do you call a snake without clothes? S-naked
  • How does the sun day hello? With a heatwave!
  • What is the funniest time of the day? Laughter-noon
  • Why did the little girl like vegetables so much? She was a Kinder-gardener!
  • When is a wig too expensive? When you have toupee!
  • What is Mickey Mouse’s favorite type of car? A Minnie-van
  • What is an astronaut’s favorite drink? Gravi-tea
  • Why can you always trust a fisherman? They always keep it reel!

October Teacher Jokes

  • What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? Bootees
  • How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch
  • Why is a witch good at writing? They are good spellers!
  • What is a monster’s favorite ride at the fair? A roller-ghoster
  • Which monster is the best dancer? The boogieman
  • What is a mummy’s favorite type of music? Wrap music
  • Why is Dracula so good at baseball? He is a good bat-ter!
  • Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? He had no-body to go with!
  • What is a ghost’s favorite nursery rhyme? Little Boo Peep
  • Why did the zombie not go to school? He felt rotten!
  • What wobbles in the sky? A jellycopter!
  • What did the circle say to the triangle? I can see your point!
  • What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear
  • What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines
  • Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9
  • What bear is the scariest? Winnie the Boo
White background with teal border, with black text and a multicolored rainbow
  • What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo
  • Why did Dracula host the Super Bowl Party? Because he had a big scream TV!
  • What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog!
  • Where do baby monsters go during the day? They go to day-scare!
  • What happens when a ghost gets hurt? They get a BOO Boo!

November Teacher Jokes

  • What is the most negative month of the year? No-vember
  • What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert? Pumpkin-Pi
  • What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Apple Gobbler
  • What is Dracula’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving
  • Why are turkeys always the best drummers? Because they have the best drumsticks!
  • Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
  • Why are turkeys always the first ones done eating? Because they always gobble, gobble their food!
  • What is the key to an amazing Thanksgiving? The tur-key!
  • What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing, wing!
  • Why can’t a turkey ever hit a home run? They are always hitting fowl balls!
  • What do you call a monkey that loves potato chips!? A chipmunk.
  • Why should you never make box potatoes for Thanksgiving? Grandma would turn over in her grave-y
  • Why does everyone get sleepy during Thanksgiving? Everyone uses Nap-kins!
  • What is the cutest time of year? Awwwtumn!
  • What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries
White background with teal border, with black text and an image of books, pencil and ruler
  • What did one leaf say to the other leaf? I’m falling for you!
  • How do leaves get from place to place? In their Autumn-mobile!
  • Why did the apple cry? Because his peelings were hurt!
  • Why don’t trees like going to school? Because they’re always getting stumped!
  • What is a plant’s favorite drink? Root-beer
  • How do trees get onto the internet? It’s easy, they just Log-On

December Teacher Joke

  • What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints!
  • What is a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo-years!
  • What does a ginger breadman sleep with? A cookie sheet!
  • What always falls but never needs a Band-Aid? Snow!
  • Why is it so cold during Hanukkah? Because it is in Decemberrrrr!
  • What do Santa’s Elves learn at school? The Elf-abet!
  • What does a snowman take when the sun gets too hot? A chill pill!
  • What is a snowman’s favorite thing for dinner? An iceburger!
  • What did the snowman say to the snowwoman? It’s Ice to meet you!
  • How does a snowman get to the North Pole? By Icicle!
  • How do you organize a party in outer space? You Planet!
  • What is an Elf’s favorite part of school? Snow and Tell!
  • What type of car do Elfs drive? A Toy-ota!
  • What is Santa’s favorite dessert? Ice Krispy Treats!
White background with teal border, with black text and an image of a teacher with students gathered around
  • What is a girl snowman called? A Snow-Ma’am
  • How does Rudolph know when it’s Christmas? He looks at a Calen-deer!
  • Which reindeer on Sant’s sleigh had bad manners? Rude-olph!
  • What’s the difference between Hanukkah and a dragon? One lasts eight nights and the other sometimes ate Knights!
  • What is Santa’s Favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and Jolly!
  • What kind of ball doesn’t bounce? A snowball!
  • Where do snowmen go dancing? The Snow Ball!

January Teacher Jokes

  • Why do New Year’s Resolutions never work? Because they go in one year and out the other!
  • Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
  • Why didn’t the banana go to school? It wasn’t peeling well!
  • Why is there not a clock in the Media Center? It tocks too much!
  • Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept!
  • Why don’t you give Elsa from the movie Frozen a balloon? Because She will ” Let it goooo”
  • What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisss-tory!
  • Why is it dangerous to do math in the wild? Because if you add four plus four you get ate!
  • Why can’t your hands be twelve inches long? Because it would be a foot!
  • Is it better to be hot or cold when playing tag during recess? Hot because you can always catch a cold!
  • What do cows do for fun? They go to the mooo-vies.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping (kid-napping) at school? It’s OK, he woke up!
  • What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
White background with teal border, with black text and a heart image made of teacher related objects.
  • Why doesn’t the sun have to go to school? It’s bright enough!
  • Why do Koala bears always get hired? Because they are the most Koala-fied!
  • What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper? A Fizzz-ician!
  • Where do you put barking dogs? In a barking lot!
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming Trunks!
  • Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie? It was rated ARRR!
  • What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas!
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they have honeycombs!

February Teacher Jokes

  • What do you say to an octopus on Valentine’s Day? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
  • What kind of flowers should you never give on Valentine’s Day? Cauliflowers!
  • What Valentine’s Day candy is best to give a girl? Her-She Kisses!
  • What is the best thing to tell a watermelon on Valentine’s Day? You’re one in a melon!
  • Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? Because he wanted sweet dreams!
  • What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!
  • What do you call a very small Valentine? A Valen-tiny!
  • What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places!
  • What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time? ChocoLATE!
  • What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you berry much!
  • What did the coach say to the vending machine? I want my quarter back!
  • What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? You’re purr-fect!
White background with teal border, with black text and an image of books stacked with an apple on top
  • What did the whale say to his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day? Whale you be mine!
  • What did one owl say to the other owl on Valentine’s Day? Owl be yours!
  • What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? My heart beats for you!
  • Why does Cupid love triangles? Because they’re acute!
  • Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration? Because you can party heart-y!
  • What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day? We’re a perfect match!
  • What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day? Mayflowers!
  • Which animal shares the most love? A heartvaark!
  • What did the bat say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Let’s hang out!

March Teacher Jokes

  • What is a leprechaun’s favorite type of music? Sham-rock!
  • What’s Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O’Furniture!
  • What kind of bow can’t be tied? A rainbow!
  • Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Regular rocks are too heavy!
  • Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck!
  • What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls? Rick O’Shay!
  • Where can you always find gold on St. Patty’s Day? In the dictionary!
  • Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? Because they’re very short-tempered!
  • What position did the leprechaun play on the baseball team? Shortstop!
  • What musical instrument do show-offs play on St. Patrick’s Day? They play the brag-pipes!
  • What is a pirate’s favorite country? Aarrrrrgentina!
White background with teal border, with black text and a multicolored rainbow
  • What did the leprechaun say on March 17? Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
  • When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato? When it’s a French fry!
  • Why was the broom late? It over-swept!
  • What did the frog order at the diner? French flies and a Diet Croak!
  • How do you spot a modern spider? He doesn’t have a web, he has a website!
  • What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
  • What kind of bee can’t make up its mind? A maybe!
  • In what school do you learn how to greet people? “Hi” School
  • What’s the only school where you have to drop out to graduate? Skydiving school!
  • How do they serve smart hamburgers? On honor rolls!

April Teacher Jokes

  • What do bunnies eat in the summer? Hop-sickles
  • Why was the egg so afraid to go to school? He was a little chicken!
  • Who brings Easter eggs to all the sea creatures? The Oyster Bunny!
  • Why did the chicken start lifting weights? To get more eggs-ercise!
  • What did one colored egg say to the other? Heard any good yolks lately?
  • Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a good joke? It might crack up!
  • What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold!
  • Why did the rabbit cross the road? Because the chicken had his Easter eggs!
  • Where does the Easter Bunny like to eat breakfast? IHOP!
  • What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite type of music? Hip Hop!
White background with teal border, with black text and an image of books, pencil and ruler
  • What are the Easter Bunny’s favorite stories? The ones with hoppy endings!
  • What did the ocean say to the plane as it flew over? Nothing it just waved!
  • What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite sport? Basket-ball!
  • What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-day!
  • Why do Easter eggs sleep so much? They’re always Egg-hausted!
  • Where does Dracula keep his Easter candy? In his Easter casket!
  • Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck? He kept quacking the eggs!
  • What did the rabbit say to the carrot? It’s been nice gnawing you.
  • How does the Easter Bunny know where he buried treasure? Eggs marks the spot!
  • How do you know when the Easter Bunny likes a book? Because he’ll tell you it’s egg-cellent!
  • What do you get if when cross the Easter Bunny with Fly Guy? Bugs Bunny!
  • What do you get when you cross the Easter Bunny with Kermit the Frog? A bunny ribbit!
  • What do you say to the Easter Bunny on his birthday? Hoppy Birthday!

May Teacher Jokes

  • How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
  • Where do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas!
  • Where do math teachers like to go on vacation? Times Square!
  • Why are mountains the funniest place to go on vacation? They are hill-arious!
  • Do fish go on vacation? No, because they’re always in schools!
  • Why should you never blame a dolphin for doing anything wrong? Because they never do it on porpoise!
  • Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? They would get called for traveling!
White background with teal border, with black text and an image of a teacher with students gathered around
  • What do you call a pig on a leash? Pulled Pork!
  • Why do bananas use sunscreen? Because they peel!
  • When do you go on red and stop at green? When you’re eating a watermelon!
  • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
  • What does the sun drink out of? Sunglasses!
  • Where do cows go on their summer vacation? Moo York!
  • What is a beach bum’s favorite month? Tan-uary!
  • What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long-time no sea!
  • What do you give a really hot puppy? A pupsicle!
  • Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked!
  • Why are kids that ride the bus the best dancers? Because they are always trying to Bus a move!
  • Why is a baseball game a good place to go on a hot day? Because there are lots of fans!
  • Where do sharks go on summer vacation? Finland!
  • What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat!

Math Teacher Puns

  • Why is the obtuse triangle upset? Because it’s never right
  • Not all math puns are horrible. Only sum
  • y=mx+b is my favorite one-liner
  • Think outside the quadrilateral
  • Too much pi gives you a large circumference
  • Oh you have graph paper?  You must be plotting something
White background with teal border, with black text and a heart image made of teacher related objects.
  • My math teacher called me average.  That was mean.
  • You have to be odd to be number 1
  • Math teachers have problems
  • You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren’t divisible by 2

Science Teacher Puns

  • I make horrible science puns, but only periodically.
  • Think like a proton and stay positive.
  • I love the way the earth rotates.  It really makes my day.
  • I don’t think you understand the gravity of this science lesson
  • Once I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
  • When I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, I was like O MG
  • You matter!  Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…then you energy.
  • My head hertz from the frequency of these puns
  • That was sodium funny. I slapped my neon that one.
  • I’m out of chemistry jokes, but I should zinc of a new one

History Teacher Puns

  • Do you think ancient Mesopotamians went on Sumer vacation?
  • Who built King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference
  • There’s no time for Stalin when you’re Russian to industrialize 
  • History.  History.  Did I just rewrite history?
  • Civil War jokes?  I General Lee don’t find them funny
  • History teachers live in the past
  • If anyone Khan, Genghis Kahn
  • I read the constitution for the articles
  • As a history teacher I like to Babylon
  • What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?  Plymouth Rock
White background with teal border, with black text and an image of books stacked with an apple on top

Do you have some favorite teacher jokes? Be sure to share them in the comments so we can add them to the list!

Printable Joke Cards

Print your teacher jokes and have fun giggling with the entire family!

Grab Your
teacher jokes Cards
Sign up, stay up to date, and grab your free Printable!
Great! Check your email to confirm your subscription and grab your joke cards!

white text saying the best teacher  jokes in red background with an image of a globe and school supplies above the table

Check out these Jokes

Jokes for Kids

Jokes for Adults

How Do I Access My Free Printables?

Fill in the form above. You will receive an email in your inbox. If you don’t see it, check your spam folder! You will then click to confirm your subscription. Once confirmed, you will be emailed your joke cards.

How Do I Print A PDF?

You’ll need a program that supports PDFs. Adobe Acrobat is a great option. Open the program, click file then print. Select your printer and the number of copies you want to print. Be sure you click double-sided if you want it to print on both sides. 

Can I Resell These?

You may not resell any printable that you find on our website or in our resource library. You may use them for class parties, at church, at home, or in the classroom. You may get these printed at an office supply store or copy center at your own expense.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.