100 Funny Gardening Jokes + Free Printable Cards

Last Updated on April 2, 2021 by Michele Tripple

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Do you need an easy way to connect with your kids? Try these lunchbox gardening jokes to put a smile on their face!

Lunchbox Gardening Jokes

There is nothing more satisfying in the spring and summer than working out in the garden. Whether you like to grow flowers or you have a thriving vegetable garden, it is always so fulfilling to watch your hard work pay off!

My kids don’t always love helping with the gardening, but what they do love is jokes! We created these fun gardening lunchbox jokes to help brighten your kid’s day and to give you a simple way to connect with them. Lunchbox jokes are the perfect way to bring a little joy to your kid’s day.

More lunchbox jokes you’ll love!

Why we love these lunchbox joke cards

We love making things simple for you. That’s why we made these cards so accessible! Just download, print, cut out, and place in your kid’s lunch box.

The backs are also blank, leaving you the perfect place to leave a kind note or a positive affirmation for your kids to help get them through the day!

100 Gardening Lunchbox Jokes

Don’t forget to download your gardening printable cards below!

Q. What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?

A. A Snap Dragon.

Q. What do you call two rows of vegetables?

A. A duel cabbage way.

Q. How well is your garden growing?

A. Only thyme will tell. 

Q. What did the big flower say to the little flower?

A. What’s up, bud?!

Q. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? 

A. They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don’t work half the time.  

Q. What do you call a cheerleading herb?

A. An encourage mint!

Q. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?

A. Lucy Parker

Q. Why couldn’t the gardener plant any flowers?

A. He hadn’t botany!

Q. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

A. Pumpkin pi.

Q. What do you call a nervous tree?

A. A sweaty palm!

Q. What kind of tree has hands?

A. A palm tree.

Q. What position does a baby plant serve in the army?

A. Infant tree

Q. What do you call two young married spiders?

A. Newly webs.

Q. How can you tell when a plant is scared?

A. It soils itself.

Q. What do you call a cow  who works for a gardener?

A. A lawn moo-er.

Q. Why was the cucumber mad?

A. Because it was in a pickle!

Q. What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars?

A. A pink carnation.

Q. What part of a plant has the most friends?

A. The Bud.

Q. What vegetable might you find in your basement?

A. Cellar-y.

Q. What did the George Michael say to the gardener?

A. Rake Me Up Before You Hoe Hoe.

Q. How do you compare apples and oranges?

A. By their nutritional value.

Q. Why did the cabbage win the race?

A. Because it was ahead!

Q. What is green and goes to a summer camp?

A. A Brussels’ scout.

Q. What grows when fed but dies when watered?

A. Fire.

Q. How do you lead a horse to water?

A. With lots of carrots.

Q. What do you get when you cross a canary and a lawn mower?

A. Shredded tweet.

Q. What was green and a great trick shooter?

A. Annie Okra 

Q. Why did the Golden Delicious go to jail?

A. Because he was a rotten apple. 

Q. What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?

A. A rash of good luck.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?

A. Because it saw the salad dressing.

Q. How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?

A. Start right! Never let the dog see you digging . . . Doggy see, doggy do.

Q. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?

A. Because they were too corney. 

Q. Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?

A. So they won’t stub their toes when they kick the bucket.

Q. What is the difference between boogers and spinach?

A. You can’t get your kids to eat spinach.

Q. What gets bigger the more you take away?

A. A hole.  

Q. How did the tomato court the corn?

A. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear. 

Q.  Why don’t you ever iron a four-leaf clover?

A. You might press your luck.

Q. What do you call it when someone commits murder with an apple?

A. Malus Aforethought!

Q. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

A. Pilgrims.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dog with a daisy?

A. A colli-flower. 

Q. What do you call a stolen yam?

A. A hot potato.

Q. What vegetable do you need a plumber for?

A. A Leek.

Q. Why is a barn so noisy?

A. All the cows have horns. 

Q. Does a Bok bring you Choy? 

A. Then Lettuce all smile.

Q. What do you call a mushroom who buys everyone drinks and is the life of the party?

A. A fun-gi.

Q. What runs but never gets tired?

A. Water.

Q. What did the banana do when it saw the monkeys?

A. Split. 

Q. How do you stop moles from digging in your garden?

A. Take away their shovels. 

Q. What flower does everyone have on their face?

A. Tulips.

Q. What’s the gardeners favorite novel?

A. War and Peas. 

Q. What is a Honeymoon Salad?

A. Lettuce alone, with no dressing. 

Q. Why do melons have fancy weddings?

A. Because they cantaloupe.

Q. What insect is musical?

A. A humbug.

Q. What did Santa Claus say when he walked through a garden?

A. Hoe!  Hoe!  Hoe!

Q. What’s red and invisible?

A. No tomatoes. 

Q. A woman asks her neighbor, “can I borrow your lawnmower?”

A. Her neighbor says, “No, he’s not home yet”.

Q. Why did the horse go behind the tree?

A. To change his jockeys. 

Q. What did the grape say when it got trodden on?

A. Nothing.  It just gave a little w(h)ine. 

Q. What can you make from baked beans and onions?

A. Tear gas.

Q. What is small, red and whispers? 

A. A hoarse radish.

Q. What is an epileptic person’s favorite dish at Olive Garden?

A. A seizure salad.

Q. What do you call it when worms take over the world?

A. Global Worming.

Q. What do you get when you cross a gardener with an author?

A. Someone who perpetually thickens the plot.

Q. What sort of animal is a slug?

A. A snail with a housing problem. 

Q. Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?

A. It’s a little gnome fact.

Q. Where do apples love to take a vacation?

A. Fuji. 

Q. Why couldn’t Mary Poppins keep her herb garden alive?

A. Because Bert kept stepping in the thyme.

Q. What’s green and walks through walls? 

A. Casper the friendly cucumber.

Q. What is a gardener’s favorite game genre?

A. Plantformers

Q. What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots? 

A. String beans. 

Q. Why didn’t the gardener cut his roses?

A. Because they used to be buds!

Q. Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?

A. He had a long honeydew list. 

Q. What kind of vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?

A. Squash

Q. What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut?

A. Chrysanthemummies.

Q. Where do farmers send their kids to grow?

A. Kinder-garden

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

A, Because she was not peeling well. 

Q. What new crop did the gardener plant?

A. Beets me!

Q. Everyone knows how the Green Giant dresses when he works in the field. But when he goes to a corporate board meeting, what does he usually wear?

A. A three peas suit.

Q. What water yields the most beautiful veggie garden?

A. Perspiration!

Q. Did you hear about the gardener who went crazy?

A. He was hearing voices in his shed.

Q. Who’s funnier than a goofy gardener?

A. A Jolly Rancher.

Q. Why did the gardener quit?

A. Because his celery wasn’t high enough. 

Q. Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?

A. She fell for the Big Apple.

Q. How did the millionaire gardener get rich so quick?

A. He was running a huge pansy scheme.

Q. Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? 

A. Asking for a frond.

Q. What kind of socks does a gardener wear?

A. Garden hose.

Q. Why do gardeners plant bulbs?

A. So the worms can see where they’re going.

Q. Why is Incredible Hulk such a good gardener?

A. He’s got green fingers.

Q. How do you make an apple puff?

A. Chase it around the garden.

Q. Where did the vegetables go to have a few drinks?

A. The Salad Bar.

Q. What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film?

A. Raiders of the Lost Bark.

Q. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a garden?

A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

Q. What vegetable is always cold? 

A. A chilli.

Q. Why do potatoes make good detectives?

A. Because they keep their eyes peeled.

Q. How do trees calculate a square root? 

A. They use a log-arithm.

Q. What is brown and runs round the garden?

A. A fence.

Q. What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? 

A. Ones with turnips.

Q. What lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root upward?

A. An icicle.

Q. Why doesn’t Elton John like lettuce?

A. He’s more of a Rocket Man.

Q. What do trees drink?

A. Root Beer

What jokes would you add to the list? Tell us about them in the comments below!

Love printables? Check out these other great items!

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