100 Hilarious Pirate jokes + Free Printable Cards

Last Updated on October 14, 2021 by Michele Tripple

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Looking to brighten your kid’s day at school? These lunchbox pirate jokes are just the thing to make them smile and let them know you’re thinking about them!

Lunchbox Pirate Jokes

My kids love all things pirates these days. Whether it’s the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland or “talk like a pirate day” every September, they can’t seem to get enough of them!

What my kids have loved even more is getting great jokes in their lunchboxes every day. They’re always so excited to tell their friends the latest joke they’ve learned. Lunchbox jokes are the perfect way to add an instant smile to your kid’s day. Pair these with some funny Pirate sayings and your kids will be in heaven!

Do your kids love seasonal jokes? Don’t forget to include Halloween jokes and Christmas jokes for your kids during the holiday season!

More Lunchbox Jokes You’ll Love!

Easter Lunchbox Jokes

Fall Lunchbox Jokes

Thanksgiving Lunchbox Jokes

Why We Love These Pirate Joke Cards

These cards are cute and so easy to get ready for your kids! Simply download, print, and cut them out. What’s more, the back of the cards are blank, giving you the perfect place to write a note to your kids. Use it to tell your kids what you appreciate about them or to give them some great positive affirmations to get them through the day. Either way, your kids will love these jokes and will look forward to them every day.

100 Pirate Jokes

Don’t forget to download your free pirate lunchbox jokes below!

Q. What did the pirate say when he found his wooden leg in the freezer?

A. Shiver me timbers!

Q. What did one pirate say to the other?

A. “I sea you!”

Q. Why do pirates enjoy going to the optometrist?

A. They always get to do an aye exam.

Q. How do you save a dying pirate?

A. CPARRRRR

Q. What do you call a pirate with 2 arms and 2 legs?

A. A rookie.

Q. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

A. Aye to aye!

Q. What is a pirates favorite letter of the alphabet?

A. P, because it is like an Arrrr but missing a leg.

Q. Why did the pirate go on vacation?

A. He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg.

Q. What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs?

A. An expert pirate.

Q. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?

A. High Cs

Q. What dish do pirates order when they go to the seafood restaurant?

A. Pieces of skate.

Q. Where do pirates keep their valuables?

A. In a jarrrrr

Q. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?

A. Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

Q. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?

A. One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

Q. What is a Pirates favorite internet sensation?

A. Planking.

Q. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?

A. Leeks.

Q. What do pirates wear when it gets really cold?

A. Long Johns.

Q. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?

A. Barry D. Treasure

Q. Why did the pirate have to visit the doctor?

A. He had a bad case of termites.

Q. Why does the pirate carry his sword?

A. Because swords can’t walk. Duh.

Q. How do ye turn a pirate furious?

A. Take away the ‘p’.

Q. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?

A. Booty calls

Q. Why did the pirate have to walk the plank?

A. Because he couldn’t afford a dog.

Q. Where do pirates go for a drink?

A. The sandbar.

Q. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?

A. Because he was standing on the deck.

Q. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?

A. Swordfish

Q. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? 

A. Because they already have all the booty!

Q. Why type of socks do pirates wear?

A. Arrrrgyle

Q. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A. A buccaneer.

Q. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?

A. Termites.

Q. Why did the pirate confuse all of his Tinder dates?

A. They couldn’t figure out if he was blinking or winking.

Q. Why did the pirate cross the road?

A. To get to the second-hand shop.

Q. Why are pirates pirates?

A. Because they Arrrrrrgh!

Q. What’s the best name for a pirate dog? 

A. Patches!

Q. Did you hear about the pirate drug addict?

A. He was completely hooked.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

A. A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

Q. Why didn’t the pirate go to the movies?

A. Because it was rated AAAAARGH

Q. What did the first mate see down the toilet? 

A. The Captains log!

Q. Where do pirate’s park their ships?

A. The HAAAARGHBOR

Q. How did the pirate call his mate?

A. On his aye phone.

Q. What is a gay pirates favorite hobby?

A. Sailing the 7 D’s.

Q. What are pirate’s afraid of?

A. The DAAAARGHK

Q. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? 

A. Because they can spend years at C!

Q. What did the pirate say to the flying hooker?

A. Land ho.

Q. What’s a pirates favorite type of music? 

A. Rum & Bass!

Q. What is a pirate’s favorite subject? 

A. AAAAAARGH

Q. Why is pirating so addictive?

A. They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

Q. Which element on the periodic table does a pirate like the best?

A. Arrrrrgon!
No, hang on…
Gold!!!!

Q. How do pirates know that they are pirates?

A. They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!

Q. What would Santa say if he was a pirate?

A. Yo ho ho ho.

Q. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

A. He got marooned.

Q. Why did the pirate go on holiday?

A. He was in serious need of some Aaaaaar and Aaaaaaar.

Q. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?

A. He bought it on sail. 

Q. Why did the pirate have to go to the apple store?

A. To get a new Ipatch.

Q. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

A. 8 pirates.

Q. What do you call a pirate who has three eyes?

A. Piiirate.

Q. What did the ocean say to the pirate?

A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. Where did the pirate purchase his hook?

A. At the 2nd hand store of course.

Q. What does a dyslexic pirate say?

A. RRRRRRA!

Q. Why do pirates really like pizza?

A. Because it usually comes in pieces o’ eight.

Q. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

A. Because they can spend years at C.

Q. Why don’t pirates like spaghetti?

A. Arrgh it scurvy.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What did Blackbeard say on his 80th birthday?

A. Aye matey.

Q. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?

A. A buck-an-ear.

Q. Why do pirates never come back after losing a hand?

A. Because they are far too busy playing hooky.

Q. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?

A. An arm and a leg.

Q. What do pirates like to eat in the the summertime?

A. Barrr-becue.

Q. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?

A. Right where ye left him.

Q. Where do pirates go to get their fast food?

A. Arrrr-by’s.

Q. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

A. Aye to aye!

Q. Why don’t pirates with a hook on the end of their arm like helping others?

A. They find it extremely hard to lend a hand.

Q. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A. A carrot.

Q. How do geriatric pirates get around?

A. With Davy Jones Walker.

Q. What does a vegan pirate do in jail?

A. Starrrrrve!

Q. Why did the dyslexic baker join the pirate crew passing through town?

A. He thought it was being led by Captain Blackbread.

Q. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

A. I, I, R, and the seven C’s!

Q. How do pirates discipline their children?

A. Stern-ly.

Q. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?

A. The plank!

Q. Why are pirates so angry when they come back from the toilet?

A. After the p has gone they become irate.

Q. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?

A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. What do pirates wear when it gets cold?

A. Arrr-gyle sweaters.

Q. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?

A. Captain Hooky!

Q. Why are pirates never cremated when they die?

A. They always bury their booty.

Q. Why are pirates called pirates?

A. Because they arrrrr!

Q. What does a pirate use to blow stuff up?

A. His M-80’s.

Q. What is a pirates favorite doll? 

A. BAAAAARRRRBIE!

Q. Why did the pirate put a moldy old piece of fruit on his shoulder?

A. So he could talk to his pear-rot.

Q. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch?

A. Because he couldn’t afford an iPad!

Q. What do you call a pirate that uses a pumpkin as a belt?

A. A squash buckler.

Q. Who gets all their movies for free?

A. Pirates!

Q. Why do you never ever see pirates crying?

A. They like their private-tears.

Q. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground? 

A. Because booty is only shin deep!

Q. What do you call a pirates sword that is completely blunt?

A. A cut-less

Q. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?  

A. Robin Hook!

Q. What did the pirate say when he did his baby’s gender reveal to his first mate?

A. A boy matey!

Q. How do pirates like to cook their steaks?

A. On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!

Q. Why did the man pirate divorce his woman pirate wife?

A. They were arrrguing too much.

Q. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?

A. He took an aye exam!

What is your favorite pirate joke? Tell us in the comments!

Love fun Printables for kids? Try these!

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