Embarking on an adventure is exciting with these funny sailor jokes!
Sailors have long been known for their language, but these sailor jokes are appropriate for your entire family! Everyone will roll on the waves of laughter together.
And don’t forget to get your free printable sailor joke cards which are perfect for sending in lunchboxes or backpacks. My kids love collecting all the jokes and adding them to a ring clip so they can scroll through them whenever they want! We love to have joke cards on hand in the car to share on the ride to or from school. My older kids love it when I post them on the fridge or bathroom mirror and hide the answer to see who can solve it first. There are so many ways to use the joke cards, so don’t forget to grab your free set below!
Funny Sailor Jokes
Headed out to catch some fish? Going to the beach? A visit to the museum this weekend? Take these funny sailor jokes with you! If you happen to meet a sailor, share one with them.
- How long did the sailor wait? Until the bitter end.
- What are 3.14% of sailors? Pi-rates!
- Why couldn’t the sailor play cards? The captain was standing on the deck.
- What do you do with a drunken sailor? Worry he’s gonna get wrecked!
- Why did the sailor always carry a bar of soap? Because he liked to wash up on shore!
- Why did the sailor cross the ocean? To get to the other tide!
- My wife was talking about funeral plans. My Wife: “We’ll give you a military send-off like the sailors on a ship.” Me: “I was in the Air Force.” My Wife: “OK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”
- How do sailors party? They throw anchor!
- What is the name of the boat that is famous among people? Relation-ship.
- When does a dog become a sailor? When he embarks.
- Why do sailors make great singers? They’re always hitting the high Cs.
- Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecasted? It’s the calm before the storm!
- What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard? Helsinki.
- Can you go pick up my boat? It’s at the dock. Oh no! Is it sick? You should give it some vitamin sea.
- Where do sailors go when they feel sick? The dock-tor.
- Why did the sailor join the golf club? He wanted to improve his swing!
- Why was the kid so happy about dreaming of sailing in a sea full of soda? Because it was just a Fanta-sea.
- Why was the sailor always unhappy? He constantly had a stern look on his face!
- What do you call a pirate who’s had too much to drink? Captain Blackout!
- Why did the sailor keep his money on an elevated sea floor? It was a bank.
- What do tech-obsessed pirates wear? An i-Patch!
- I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor. He was in the wrong craft.
- At the Regatta, the blue sailboat hit the red one… They were marooned!
- How do retired sailors greet each other? Long time no sea.
- How does a sailor like his coffee? Seamen!
- Where did the flying boat land? At the air-port.
- Why don’t sailors like buying new hats? They’re afraid of cap sizing.
- I just bought a really expensive barge pole… I thought I’d push the boat out!
- How did Viking sailors communicate? They used Norse code.
- A guy goes out on a friend’s yacht and asks, “Don’t these cheap yachts sink all the time?” His brother answers: “All the time? If it’s gonna sink, it’ll only be once!”
- Why did the sailor take up painting? He wanted to master the art of sea-scape.
- Why did the drunken sailor throw a stick of butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly!
- How do you know a sailor is drunk? He starts using port and starboard as directions on land.
- Why did the drunk sailor take a shower? He wanted to wash ashore.
- Why did the drunken sailor go to the dentist? He had a case of sea grit!
- How do you make a drunken sailor walk the plank? Just tell him it’s the gangway to his cabin.
- Where do late sailors come from? Missed-his-shippi.
- Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a wheel on his belly button? So he could steer himself in the right direction!
- Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise!
- Where do sailors make change for a dollar? On the quarterdeck.
- Which sailors blow their noses most often? The Anchor Chiefs!
- Why did the sailor ground his son? His grades were below sea level.
- Two sailors were talking, the first one said, “My girlfriend just sailed to the Caribbean.” “Jamaica?” The other one asked. “Heck no! She’d been wanting to go for a long time.”
- A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus. He said, “I heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?”
- Where there is a wave, there is a way.
- Why did the sailor fall asleep? Because he went snore-kling.
- What’s a sailor’s favorite detergent? Tide!
- A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. The sailors were marooned.
- When is it time to paint another coat on a pirate ship? When it’s timbers be shivering!
- What is a sailor’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks.
- How does a sailor ask for a second cup of coffee? “Aye aye, captain!”
- When did the sailor get a knockout? When he was boxing the compass.
- Who is the fastest sailor in the world? Usain Boat!
- Where does a sailor who can’t control his temper go? Anchor management.
- What do British sea monsters eat? Why fish and ships, of course!
- Why did the sailor refuse to play cards with the deckhands? He heard they were all a bunch of cheaters!
- What do you call a sailor who is always complaining? A crabby captain!
- Why do pirates have such a hard time remembering the alphabet? They get lost at “C”.
- Where do zombies go sailing? In the Dead Sea.
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!
- What do you call a sailor who’s always on time? A punctual pirate!
- How was the sailing business going on in the boat? The sails were going through the roof!
- Why did the sailor bring a salt shaker with him? To put it on the leach.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it was RRR, but it’s actually the C they love most!
- Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
- Pirate at the pirate awards: “And I would like to thank me wife, me daughters, and last boat not least, my ship!’
- What was the sailor getting ready to do? To warship!
- What do sailors eat for breakfast? Boatmeal!
- What kind of boat do sailors learn their trade on? An apprenticeship.
- What do sailors get when they’re finally cured of writer’s block? A tidal wave.
- How do you make a sailor angry? Take away his anchor!
- What do you call a boat that doesn’t use naughty words? A censor-ship.
- Why did the sailor refuse to get a tattoo? Because he didn’t want to be marked for life!
- Why do sailors eat so many carrots? It helps them sea better!
- When is a sailor not a sailor? When he’s aboard!
- Why can’t you tickle a sailor? Because they’re nautical-ish.
- I went to the Black Friday sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
- What do you call a lazy sailor? Anchored to the sofa!
- What did the sailor say when the Coast Guard accused him of speeding? I did knot!
- Which movie do sailors like to watch the most? The Codfather.
- When do sailors eat dinner? Maritime.
- Why were all the sailors only on the front of the ship? Because otherwise, they’d get astern talking to.
- Why is the boat always getting great deals? It loves a sail.
- Why did the sailor join the gym? To get some sea legs!
- Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie? He’s a squashbuckling pirate.
- Why did the sailor go shopping? Because they were having a sale.
- How do you know when a boat is feeling affectionate? When it hugs the shore!
- Why don’t sailors ever play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth? Any ship that will go near it will sync!
- Why are sailors so indecisive? Because they’re always far from shore.
- How do you rejuvenate an old boat? Boat-tox.
- Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a ship on his chest? Because he wanted to be captain of his own vessel!
- Why are sailors terrible database administrators? They try to make all of the data float.
- How do you make a sailor laugh? Just tell him a joke that’s anchored in humor!
- What’s another name for the captain of a sailboat? A sails manager.
- Why did the sailor go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little ship sick!
- What do you call a sailor who’s always in trouble? A buoyant delinquent!
Share your favorite funny sailor jokes in the comments.
Printable Sailor Jokes
Print your sailor jokes and have fun giggling with the entire family!
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Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. With her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer, Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.