Epic Football Jokes to Make you LOL!

Last Updated on September 22, 2021 by Michele Tripple

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Football season is here, which means it is time for some epic football jokes to tell your friends and family! Whether you are cheering on your favorite team, taunting fellow fantasy football players, or playing in the game, these football jokes are exactly what you need!

I swear everyone needs a good joke in their life! Thankfully there is always a joke for anything your need because you never know when you need a good lemon joke or skeleton joke. We are rounding up our very favorite football jokes to give you a good laugh on gameday this weekend or any day you feel like punting around some fun! So scroll on down to score a touchdown with these football tastic jokes!

Ready For More Jokes? Try These!

The Best Football Jokes

Q: Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?
A: They prefer cricket!
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Q: What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Q: Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game?
 A: For persistent fowl play.
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Q: Why can’t you play football with pigs?
A: They hog the ball.
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Q: Where do Jedi play football?
A: On the force field.
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Q: What do you call a New York Jet with a Super Bowl ring?
Q: Which footballer makes the best coffee?
Q: Where do football players dance?
Q: Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?
Q: Why do footballers struggle to eat sandwiches?
A: They think they can’t use their hands!
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Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.
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Q: What do you call a person who keeps screaming, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: A football coach.
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Q: Are lightning bolts good at football?
A: No, they’re shocking!
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Q: Why can’t Cinderella play football?
A: Her football coach is a pumpkin!
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Q: What did NASA use when they built a football pitch on the moon?
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
 A: It was a boxer.
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Q. Why did the football player bring string to the game?
A: So he could tie the score.
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Q: Where do hungry football players play?
A: In the Supper Bowl.
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Q: Why did the football pitch end up as a triangle?
A: Somebody took a corner!
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Q: Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?
A: The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
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Q: When should football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.
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Q: How do football players stay cool?
A: By standing close to the fans.
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Q: Who is the most dangerous footballer?
Q: What’s the chilliest football ground?
Q: Why did the footballer take a length of rope on the pitch?
A: They were the skipper!
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Q: Where do football players dance?
Q: Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?
Q: What runs along the edge of the pitch during a football game but never moves?
Q: Which part of the football pitch smells the best?
A: The ‘scenter’ spot!
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Q: What is a ghost’s favourite football position?
Q: What’s a goalkeeper’s favourite food?
Q: Why are football players like babies?
A: They both dribble!
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Q: Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle?
 A: There are too many cheetahs!
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Q: Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
 A: The one with the biggest head.
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Q: Which top football team’s favourite food is ice-cream?
Q: Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?
A: They prefer cricket!
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Q: What do centers wear on their feet?
Q: How do football players keep cool during a match?
A: They stand near the fans!
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Q: What do football players wear on Halloween?
Q: What do you call a lineman’s kid?
 A: A chip off the old blocker
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Q: What are Brazilian fans called?
Q: Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
A: The coach told him to take a hike!
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Q: What do you get when you cross a quarterback with a carpet?
Q: What do you call someone who stands in between goalposts and stops the ball?
Q: What’s really healthy and scores a lot of goals?
Q: What is the best way to protect your house from terrible football?
A: A Guard-iola dog!
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Q: Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
A: Then you’ll be charged with interference.
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Q: Why did the football coach bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game?
 A: He was hoping for a draw!
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Q: Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to?
A: Arrrrrrrrrkansas.
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Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
A: I get a kick out of you.Q: Who was the horse’s favourite footballer?
Q: What did the football say to the punter?
A: I get a kick out of you.
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 Q: Want to hear a Chicago Bears joke?
Q: Why are footballers like babies?
A: They both dribble!
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Q: What football play should you be suspicious of?
A: The quarterback sneak.
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Q: Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
A: Her coach was a pumpkin.
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Q: What did the football player ask to the furniture store?
 A: Do you have coach?
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Q: Why don’t fish play football?
A: They’re scared of nets!
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Q:  What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?
Q: What blows at 100mph and always scores?
Q: Which football game do cats like to watch?
A: The Goldfish Bowl.
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Q: Why did the Cristiano Ronaldo quit the football?
A: He was tired of being kicked around.
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Q: What football play should you be suspicious of?
A:  The quarterback sneak.
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Q: What flavor of milk tea do football players drink?
Q: What does JETS stand for?
 A: Just End The Season.
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Q: Which insect doesn’t play well in football?
Q: What did the bumble bee running back say after getting a touchdown?
Q: What happens to football players who go blind?
A: They become referees.
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Q: Why couldn’t the car play football?
A: It only had one boot!
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Q: Who scored the most goals in the Greek Mythology League?
A: The centaur forward!
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Q: Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?
A: Because he broke all the records.
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Q: What did the receiver say to the football?
 A: Catch you later.
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Q: Which football player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!
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Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.
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Q: Why was Cinderella fired from the football team?
A: Because she always ran away from the ball!
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Q: Why is it always warmer after a football game?
A: All the fans have left.
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Q: What are successful kickers always trying to do?
Q: Where do football players go shopping in the off-season?
A : The tackle shop.
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Q: What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?
A: One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
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Q : Why is the football stadium so windy?
A: Because of all the fans.
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Q: How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?
A: They’ve both been beaten.
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Q: Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
A: His heart wasn’t in it
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Q: Why was the football player upset on their birthday?
 A: They got a red card!
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Q: Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school?
A: He was a tackling dummy.
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Q: What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
A: All porpoise yardage!
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Q: Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?
A: Out to pass-ture.
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Q: What did the bumble bee say after he scored a goal?
Q: Which football team run fastest as a big cat?
Q: Who was the sheep’s favourite footballer?
Q: What tea do footballers drink?
Q: How do hens encourage their football teams?
A :They egg them on!
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Q: Why did the chicken get sent off?
A: For persistent fowl play!
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Q: Q: Which are the best animals at football?
Q: Where’s the best place in America to buy the new season football kit?
Q: How did Ebenezer Scrooge end up with the football?
A:  The ghost of Christmas passed.
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Q: When does a football player become a judge?
A: When he sits on the bench.
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Q. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
A. Give me my quarter back!
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Q: Why did the football player cross the field?
A: To get to the other sideline.
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Q: Why don’t quarterbacks share puns when playing?
A: Because they produce audible groans!
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Q: What did the football coach say to the pickpocket?
 A: Give me my quarter back!
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Q: What is a ghost’s favourite football position?

Do you have some good football jokes that we forgot? Add them in the comments so we can add them to our list!

You Can Never Have Too Many Jokes! Complete List Of Awesome Jokes!

Kid Jokes

Adult Jokes

 

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