130 Chemistry Jokes Will Blow Your Mind!

Last Updated on January 31, 2024 by Michele Tripple

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Want to wow your favorite scientist? I’ve got just the solution! Get ready for some big reactions with these Chemistry Jokes! 

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Jokes are a great way to bond with those special people in your life. These Chemistry jokes are a bit beyond the understanding of little kids, but with a teenager; they’ll be right in your element! 

Crack a few of these, and you’ll be instant alloys. In the car, at the dinner table, or wherever you need a formula for silliness, jokes are all that matter. 
Pair these jokes with our Computer Jokes and Robot Jokes for some seriously smart fun!

 
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chemistry joke

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  • Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy’s base!
  • How often should you tell a chemistry joke? Periodically.
  • A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender gives him a smile and says, “For you, no charge.”
  • Did you hear that oxygen proposed to magnesium? OMg!
  • A lawyer and scientist are having lunch together. The scientist orders H2O, so to look smart the lawyer says “I’ll have H2O too.” When the drinks came they both took a large gulp and the lawyer died.
  • Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!
  • Famous last words from chemists: “And now for the taste test…”, “And now let’s shake it a bit…”, “Which glass was my mineral water?”
  • The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty, but how does the chemist see it? Completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
  • What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe.
  • I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO.
  • The entire lab smelled like rotten eggs. Everyone was sulfering.
  • Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
  • Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
  • Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!”
  • I’m sorry I’m late! I was reading a book on helium and I just could not put it down.
  • What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!
  • Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? Because he got Avogadro’s number!
  • What kind of dogs do chemists have? Laboratory Retrievers.
  • What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him? That’s as-salt!
  • Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar. “OH SNaP!” says the bartender.
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  • Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates!
  • Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!
  • I wish I was adenine. Then I could get paired with U.
  • What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!
  • How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?
  • What is the difference between a chemist and a plumber? They pronounce “unionized” differently.
  • What is the most important rule in chemistry? Never lick the spoon!
  • What kind of weapon can you make out of Potassium, Nickel, and Iron? A KNiFe.
  • I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don’t think I’ll be in my element.
  • What is the chemical formula for sea water? CH2O!
  • Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
  • I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon on that one!
  • What do you call two diamonds out on the town? Carbon dating.
  • What do you call acid with an attitude? A-mean-o Acid.
  • What happens when Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up? They become instant alloys.
  • Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak? Because it’s in the ground state!
  • If you’re not part of the solution… you’re part of the precipitate.
  • Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
  • What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
  • What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
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  • What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety.
  • What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na.
  • Why do chemists love club music? They love when the base drops.
  • What do you call a 2000 pound chemistry professor who’s always smiling? A pro-ton.
  • How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker? He picked it up before it was cool.
  • The name’s bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
  • What’s the dullest element? Bohrium!
  • What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? “You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”
  • Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
  • What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C? Nothing, you’re perfectly 0K!
  • Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!
  • What do you call a purse filled with sulfur, tungsten, and silver? A SWAg bag.
  • A cloud of radon floats into a cafe. The waiter says, “We don’t serve inert gases here”. There was no reaction from the radon.
  • Methyl was playing outside so his mom called out the window for him to come home. She was quite surprised, however, when Dimethyl Ether, their neighbor, came instead. Why? Because she called “CH3 – O – CH3!”.
  • Want to hear a Potassium joke? K!
  • What do the other elements say about hydrogen? He’s such a loner!
  • What’s a chemistry teacher’s favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it’s pretty basic stuff.
  • What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!
  • What was Avogadro’s favorite sport? Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!
  • If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!
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  • H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4? Drinking.
  • Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium? How did it go? It went OK2!
  • What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
  • Why did the chemistry teacher who specializes in organic chemistry lead a troublesome life? Because he often finds himself in alkynes of trouble!
  • Why was the alpha helix unable to completely recite the English alphabet? Because it got broken in the middle and then jumbled up to L amino P!
  • What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song? Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!
  • Organic chemistry is difficult. People who study it have alkynes of trouble.
  • When fog evaporates, it is easily missed. (mist)
  • What did one charged atom say to the other? I got my ion you!
  • What is the chemical formula for “coffee”? CoFe2.
  • Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super-heavy element. The proposed name is Un-obtainium.
  • Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber? To reduce his carbon footprint.
  • What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph? Breaking up is hard to do.
  • When one physicist asks another, “What’s new?” what’s the typical response? C over lambda.
  • Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
  • Why didn’t the physics and biology teachers get along? They had no chemistry.
  • Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.
  • Two chem nerds greet each other. One says “helium yttrium”. The other says “hydrogen iodide”!
  • Where do amino acids go to pray? The cysteine chapel.
  • My chemistry experiment exploded. It’s ok, oxidants happen.
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  • Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
  • What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI!
  • What did silver say to gold at the bar? “Au, get outta here!”
  • What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon!
  • Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.
  • What is the chemical formula for “banana”? BaNa2.
  • Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
  • A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”
  • If H20 is water, what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
  • How did the chemist survive the famine? By subsisting on titrations.
  • What happens when spectroscopists are idle? They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
  • Why can’t lawyers do NMR? Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
  • On his wedding anniversary, what did the chemist gift his wife? A ring with a chunk of carbon. Because he thought with time and pressure, it would become a diamond!
  • Which element is treated as the god element in organic chemistry? Carbon. It is omnipresent in all organic compounds!
  • What is the chemical formula for diarrhea? (CO(NH2)2)2.
  • Where do you put dirty dishes? The zinc.
  • When God created the earth, what mattered to him most? Atom and Eve.
  • What is HIJKLMNO? H2O!
  • A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”
  • What did one titration say to the other? “Let’s meet at the endpoint.”
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  • What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
  • What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond.
  • Silver walks up to an element and says “A” “u” give me all your gold. The element looks back at silver and says “A” “g” you can have it.
  • Why are the noble gases so lonely? Because they’re most stable alone.
  • Why did the medieval chemist travel the world? He wanted to master alchemy.
  • What did the chief chemist tell his fellow interns on their first day at the lab? Listen carefully, if you are not a part of this solution, then you will be a part of the precipitate!
  • What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
  • What do solids, liquids, and gases have in common? They all matter. I’d tell you another chemistry joke—unfortunately, all the good ones argon.
  • Why did the ammonia order a pumpkin spice latte? Because it’s basic.
  • The chem lab professor is just delivered a truckload of supplies. Frustrated, he says “What am I supposed to do with all this NaOH powder and water?” His lab assistant says, “Well sir it’s a basic solution you see.”
  • Would you like to be my lab partner? I can tell there will be a lot of chemistry between us.
  • An ice cube was having an identity crisis. When his friend asked what was the matter, he started to cry harder.
  • What’s Superman’s favorite element? Krypton.
  • What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes? Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
  • What is Cole’s Law? Thinly sliced cabbage.
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One-Liner Chemistry Jokes

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  • Don’t fall around your lab partner 3 times or they’ll call you a Trip-licate.
  • An enzyme and a substrate are best friends because they fit together so well.
  • Studying chemistry can be so Boron.
  • I think that angry flask completely overreacted.
  • Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some.
  • A sodium atom and a chlorine atom got into a skirmish. Both were arrested for a salt.
  • Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.
  • As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren’t negative they’re just misunderstood.
  • At the party, Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen dressed too formyl for the o-cation.
  • If Iron Man teamed up with Silver Surfer they would be alloys!
  • I can’t remember that element, but it’s on the tip of my tungsten.
  • The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he’s mad atom.
  • Lose an electron? Gotta keep an ion it.
  • I tried writing jokes about the periodic table but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
  • We’d give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.
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What is your favorite chemistry joke? Share it in the comments so we can laugh too!

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Jokes for Kids

Jokes for Adults

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