90+ Best Farmer Jokes That Will Make You LOL [Free Joke Cards]

Last Updated on March 9, 2024 by Michele Tripple

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Ready for some farm-fresh humor? Step right up because we have a bountiful harvest of the best farmer jokes that will have you rolling the hay. So grab your pitchforks, dust off your straw hats, and get ready to laugh!

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Hold onto your tracker seat, friends, because we are about ready to storm the barn with laughter and fun as we embark on a wild adventure on the farm with these farmer jokes. Be prepared for some of the best jokes you have heard in a long time are all about farmers. So gather your friends and family for the ultimate hoe-down of fun and laughter with these farmer jokes.

If you love to laugh, you are not going to want to miss our Elephant Jokes and our Summer Jokes.

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farmer jokes

Farmer joke on white background with yellow border and waving farmer in blue overalls and red shirt sitting on a green tractor
  • Why are farmers cruel? Because they pull corn by the ears.
  • Did you hear about the wooden tractor? It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden work!
  • What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An eggroll!
  • What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor!
  • What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
  • What is a sheep’s favorite game? Baa-dminton!
  • Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? Because he was out standing in his field!
  • What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor? A transfarmer.
  • What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows? What a miss-steak.
  • How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
  • Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
  • What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song? Born in the USDA.
  • As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep. We’d tell them to the dog, but he’d herd them all!
  • What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen? “There’s more there than meets the sty.”
  • Farmer John is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car. He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal.
  • No farm building should ever, under any circumstances, be used as a convent… Barn nun.
  • If a cow laughed really hard… would milk come out of her nose?
  • Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of foul play.
  • Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
  • Why did the pig take a bath? The farmer said “hogwash”!
Farmer joke on white background with yellow border and male and female farmers standing next to a wooden wheel barrel filled with orange pumpkin, green watermelon, and orange carrots and a pink pig and white chicken by the farmers' feet
  • What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
  • Where does a farmer get his medicine from? The farm-acist.
  • What do you get when you cross a farmer and some trendy headphones? Beets by Dre.
  • What do farmers use to make crop circles? A protractor.
  • Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive from wheat to wheat.
  • What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
  • Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain? He has got no beef.
  • What is a horse’s favorite sport? Stable tennis!
  • What kinds of pigs know karate? Pork chops.
  • Who tells chicken jokes? Comedihens.
  • What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat? A “Hootenanny.”
  • What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier? He got a hot-diggity-dog!
  • Why did the cabbage win the race? Because it was ahead!
  • What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows? Udder nonsense.
  • What type of horses only go out at night? Nightmares!
  • Why were the baby strawberries crying? Their ma and pa were in a jam.
  • What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? “You take me for grunted.”
  • Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
  • What farm animal keeps the best time? A watch dog.
  • Where do cows go for lunch? The calf-etaria.
  • What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Farmer joke on white background with yellow borders and red tomato garden with brown soil and woman in blue overalls kneeling next to the garden with a red tomato in her hand
  • How do farmers party? They turnip.
  • What did the Idaho farmer plant when he was not sure if he was going to sell the crop? Spectators.
  • Being a farmer isn’t for everyone. But hay, it’s in my jeans.
  • What grows under your nose? Tulips!
  • Where do the horses go when they’re sick? To the horsepital.
  • All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film. They set up a moo LAN.
  • Somebody stole my first edition copies of 1984 and Animal Farm. Oh well.
  • One day on a farm, a man was accused of milking all the cows to keep the milk for himself. When he was confronted about it, he said, “What an utter lie.”
  • Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cows go.  Cows go who?  No, silly… cows go moo!
  • Why did the farmer bury his money in a field? He wanted to make his soil rich.
  • Why did the chick get sent off during a game of football? It committed a fowl.
  • How did the organic vegetable die? Natural causes.
  • What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
  • What’s it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross? Crop yield.
  • I tried to navigate the farmer’s field… But it was a maize.
  • What new crop did the farmer plant? Beets me.
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
  • This drought has really killed my spice farm. I don’t have the thyme to harvest.
  • Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
  • A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid. When they dug up the grounds, they found human romaines.
Farmer joke on white background with yellow borders and hand holding green plant in brown dirt
  • Saw a sign at a farm that said “duck, eggs.” I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
  • What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries!
  • What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow? “It’s pasture bedtime!”
  • Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
  • Why do cows like being told jokes? Because they like being amoosed.
  • Why did the farmer plow her field with a steamroller? Because she wanted to grow mashed potatoes!
  • Why didn’t the farmer laugh at any of these jokes? Because they’re too corny.
  • What do you call a magic cow? Moodini.
  • What do you call a cow with full armor? Sir loin.
  • Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession? Every day is a hare-raising experience.
  • What do you call a small pork farm? A hamlet.
  • What’s the quietest animal on a farm? A ssshhheep.
  • I played a gig on a farm once. The bass player thought he was hidden, but it was obvious he was playing behind the beet.
  • What do you get when you pamper a cow? Spoiled milk.
  • Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look great.
  • Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”? Because it was always running out of the pen.
  • What is a happy farmer’s favorite candy? A Jolly Rancher.
  • What do you call a cow with no calf? Decaffeinated.
  • What day do potatoes hate the most? Fry-day!
  • Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet, and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!
Farmer joke on white background with yellow borders and three smiling adults standing around pink table filled with boxes of assorted colorful vegetables
  • Where do farmers send their kids to grow? Kinder-garden.
  • Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
  • Why did the pig dump her boyfriend? Because he was a real BOAR.
  • What do cows read in the morning? The moos-paper.
  • Where will you find the most cows? Moo York.
  • Why did the cow go to the spa? She really needed some re-hoove-ination!
  • I used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn. Now I have a stable connection.
  • A friend of mine has started making yachts to sell in his barn. Sails are going through the roof.
  • What happens when you run out of manure on a farm? You have to make doo.
  • What do you call the boss at Old McDonald’s Farm? The CIEIO.
  • The local horse has an amazing mane. Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it’s neighbelline.
  • I went into the barn and saw the pigs dancing. They were putting on a performance of Swine Lake.
Farmer joke on white background with yellow border and smiling man in green shirt holding box of red vegetables next to woman with purple hair pushing a wheelbarrow full of orange pumpkin, green watermelon, and carrots and small pink pig and white chicken by their feet

Do you have some other favorite farmer jokes? Be sure to share them in the comments so we can laugh too!

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