Ready for some farm-fresh humor? Step right up because we have a bountiful harvest of the best farmer jokes that will have you rolling the hay. So grab your pitchforks, dust off your straw hats, and get ready to laugh!
Hold onto your tracker seat, friends, because we are about ready to storm the barn with laughter and fun as we embark on a wild adventure on the farm with these farmer jokes. Be prepared for some of the best jokes you have heard in a long time are all about farmers. So gather your friends and family for the ultimate hoe-down of fun and laughter with these farmer jokes.
If you love to laugh, you are not going to want to miss our Elephant Jokes and our Summer Jokes.
Do your kids love jokes? Grab these fun joke cards for them to laugh at all the time! These are perfect for lunch box jokes, joke cards series, bedtime laughs, and more! Grab them now!
farmer jokes
Q: Why are farmers cruel?
A: Because they pull corn by the ears.
Q: Did you hear about the wooden tractor?
A: It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden work!
Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll!
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: What is a sheep’s favorite game?
A: Baa-dminton!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!
Q: What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A: A transfarmer.
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
A: What a miss-steak.
Q: How did the farmer find his lost cow?
A: He tractor down.
Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
A: Because they lactose!
Q: What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
A: Born in the USDA.
As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep.
We’d tell them to the dog, but he’d herd them all!
Q: What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen?
A: “There’s more there than meets the sty.”
Farmer John is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal.
No farm building should ever, under any circumstances, be used as a convent…
Barn nun.
If a cow laughed really hard…
would milk come out of her nose?
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play.
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q: Why did the pig take a bath?
A: The farmer said “hogwash”!
Q: What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
Q: Where does a farmer get his medicine from?
A: The farm-acist.
Q: What do you get when you cross a farmer and some trendy headphones?
A: Beets by Dre.
Q: What do farmers use to make crop circles?
A: A protractor.
Grain farmers have a tough life.
They barley survive from wheat to wheat.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.
Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.
Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis!
Q: What kinds of pigs know karate?
A: Pork chops.
Q: Who tells chicken jokes?
A: Comedihens.
Q: What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat?
A: A “Hootenanny.”
Q: What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier?
A: He got a hot-diggity-dog!
Q: Why did the cabbage win the race?
A: Because it was ahead!
Q: What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
A: Udder nonsense.
Q: What type of horses only go out at night?
A: Nightmares!
Q: Why were the baby strawberries crying?
A: Their ma and pa were in a jam.
Q: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
A: “You take me for grunted.”
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
Q: What farm animal keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog.
Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The calf-etaria.
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean beef.
Q: How do farmers party?
A: They turnip.
Q: What did the Idaho farmer plant when he was not sure if he was going to sell the crop?
A: Spectators.
Being a farmer isn’t for everyone.
But hay, it’s in my jeans.
Q: What grows under your nose?
A: Tulips!
Q: Where do the horses go when they’re sick?
A: To the horsepital.
All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film.
They set up a moo LAN.
Somebody stole my first edition copies of 1984 and Animal Farm.
Oh well.
One day on a farm, a man was accused of milking all the cows to keep the milk for himself.
When he was confronted about it, he said, “What an utter lie.”
Knock, knock.
No, silly… cows go moo!
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
Q: Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?
A: He wanted to make his soil rich.
Q: Why did the chick get sent off during a game of football?
A: It committed a fowl.
Q: How did the organic vegetable die?
A: Natural causes.
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: Where’s popcorn?
Q: What’s it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross?
A: Crop yield.
I tried to navigate the farmer’s field…
But it was a maize.
Q: What new crop did the farmer plant?
A: Beets me.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
This drought has really killed my spice farm.
I don’t have the thyme to harvest.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds, they found human romaines.
Saw a sign at a farm that said “duck, eggs.”
I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
Q: What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A: Straw-berries!
Q: What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
A: “It’s pasture bedtime!”
Q: Did you hear about the magic tractor?
A: It turned into a field.
Q: Why do cows like being told jokes?
A: Because they like being amoosed.
Q: Why did the farmer plow her field with a steamroller?
A: Because she wanted to grow mashed potatoes!
Q: Why didn’t the farmer laugh at any of these jokes?
A: Because they’re too corny.
Q: What do you call a magic cow?
A: Moodini.
Q: What do you call a cow with full armor?
A: Sir loin.
Q: Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?
A: Every day is a hare-raising experience.
Q: What do you call a small pork farm?
A: A hamlet.
Q: What’s the quietest animal on a farm?
A: A ssshhheep.
I played a gig on a farm once.
The bass player thought he was hidden, but it was obvious he was playing behind the beet.
Q: What do you get when you pamper a cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look great.
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.A:
Q: What is a happy farmer’s favorite candy?
A: A Jolly Rancher.
Q: What do you call a cow with no calf?
A: Decaffeinated.
Q: What day do potatoes hate the most?
A: Fry-day!
Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet, and just want to read the pepper,
turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!
Q: Where do farmers send their kids to grow?
A: Kinder-garden.
Q: Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar?
A: He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Q: Why did the pig dump her boyfriend?
A: Because he was a real BOAR.
Q: What do cows read in the morning?
A: The moos-paper.
Q: Where will you find the most cows?
A: Moo York.
Q: Why did the cow go to the spa?
A: She really needed some re-hoove-ination!
I used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
A friend of mine has started making yachts to sell in his barn.
Sails are going through the roof.
Q: What happens when you run out of manure on a farm?
A: You have to make doo.
Q: What do you call the boss at Old McDonald’s Farm?
A: The CIEIO.
The local horse has an amazing mane.
Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it’s neighbelline.
I went into the barn and saw the pigs dancing.
They were putting on a performance of Swine Lake.
Do you have some other favorite farmer jokes? Be sure to share them in the comments so we can laugh too!
You can Never Have Too Many Jokes! Complete List of Awesome Jokes!
Kid Jokes
- The Best Jokes for Kids
- Lunch Box Jokes
- Funny Lunch Box Jokes
- Earth Day Jokes for Kids
- Bear jokes for Kids
- Birthday Jokes
- Fall Lunch Box Jokes
- Halloween Lunch Box Jokes
- Thanksgiving Lunch Box Jokes
- Hanukkah Jokes for Kids
- Christmas Lunch Box Jokes
- Spring Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards
- Pirate Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards
- Easter Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards
- Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards
- Airplane Jokes for Kids
- Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards
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- Pig Jokes
- Bacon Jokes
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- Camp Jokes
- The Best Graduation Jokes
- Water Jokes for Kids
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- Donut Jokes
- Candy Jokes for Kids
- Computer Jokes for Kids
- Clown Jokes for kids
- Monkey Jokes for Kids
- Crab Jokes for Kids
- Turtle Jokes for Kids
- Ninja Jokes for Kids
- Hockey Jokes for Kids
- Turkey Jokes
- Ghost Jokes
- Football Jokes
- Pumpkin Jokes for Kids and Adults
- Skeleton Jokes
- Cow Jokes
- Halloween Jokes for Kids
- Disney Jokes for Kids
- Elk Jokes
- Robot Jokes
- Lighthouse Riddles, Jokes and Puns
- Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids
- Santa Jokes
- Elf on the Shelf Jokes
- Christmas Tree Jokes
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- Christmas Knock Knock Jokes
- Chicken Jokes
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- Best Knock Knock Jokes
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- Guess What Jokes
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- Harry Potter Jokes
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Adult Jokes
- Bald Jokes
- Flirty Knock Knock Jokes
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- Jokes to Tell Your Boyfriend
- Jokes to Tell a Girl
- Funny Jokes to Tell Your Crush
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