200 Best Watermelon Jokes That Are Ripe With Laughs [Free Joke Cards]

Last Updated on January 31, 2024 by Michele Tripple

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Don’t lose your rind trying to think of a good pun this summer! We’ve created a list of the Juiciest Watermelon Jokes for you to bite into!

Left: Teal background with white circle outlined in pink and pink words, "The Best Watermelon Jokes" with an image of a watermelon slice. Right: Multiple slices of fresh watermelon.

I’m sure we can all agree that a truly good pun is one in a melon. That’s why we searched long and hard to find the best ones! Parents have to be careful of the puns they find on the internet. Some can be quite seedy and not appropriate for kids. Luckily, you ripe what you sow, and we found some plant-tastic puns!

When they run out of their own material, I like to have more jokes pulled up on my phone to keep the conversation going. Some of my favorites include Super Silly Summer Jokes and the Best Farmer Jokes. These watermelon puns are also becoming a new favorite as well. They are juicy and sweet and create lots of laughter in our home.

And don’t forget to get your free printable watermelon joke cards which are perfect for sending in lunchboxes or backpacks. My kids love collecting all the jokes and adding them to a ring clip so they can scroll through them whenever they want! We love to have joke cards on hand in the car to share on the ride to or from school. My older kids love it when I post them on the fridge or bathroom mirror and hide the answer to see who can solve it first. There are so many ways to use the joke cards, so don’t forget to grab your free set below!

Pin image with white block letters outlined in black "200 Best Watermelon Jokes" with an image of a large slice of watermelon and three pink boxes with a watermelon joke in each box.

Best Watermelon Jokes

My family loves jokes and puns! They often ask Alexa what the joke of the day is before dinner, and then our dinner conversation revolves around each of them trying to make the other laugh. These watermelon jokes are perfect for summer dinners on the patio!

in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer. Better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
  • Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
  • So, how on earth did the police catch the fruit thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
  •  I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
  • And speaking of meloncholy… I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
  • Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend. He said she was always melondramatic about everything.
  • They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery. The clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
  • Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
  • Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon on your property is the best way…to get clean and renewable electricity.
  • The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
  • What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
  •  I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books. Turns out she’d red them all.
  • What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
  • I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend. Never could tell water problem was.
  •  What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
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  • Would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an… illegitimate daughtermelon?
  • What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
  • The teacher asked us in class that if a group of flowers were called a bouquet of flowers, what about watermelons? Yeah, I got sent to the principals for answering a – lotter melons.
  • What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
  • Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
  • What is Bruce Lee’s favorite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
  • Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
  • So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
  • Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
  • What do you call a watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A waterfelon.
  • The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines… but they started to grow on him.
  • What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
  • What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
  • I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
  • Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class. Because it has strange smelon.
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? “You are one in a melon! I love you!”
  • Why are watermelons the saddest fruit? They get melancholy.
  • Why won’t anyone sit next to a watermelon? They have a strange smell.
  • Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon? Rind of.
  • Why are watermelons such good entrepreneurs? They always have seed money.
  • Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions? They always melon it over.
  • Why did the watermelon go crazy? He lost his rind.
  • Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon? They’re seedy.
  • Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery? Now he’s a waterfelon.
  • Did you hear about the guy who smashed all those fruits? It was a slaughter melon.
  • Why did one melon break up with the other melon? He didn’t know the water problem was.
  •  Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella? It was melondramatic.
  • What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line? Want to see my melons?
  •  What did the fruit write on his Valentine’s card? You’re one in a melon!
  • You know what they say about when life gives you melons? You might be dyslexic.
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • Why are watermelons the saddest fruit? Because they’re melon-cholic!
  • What did the watermelon say to its boyfriend or girlfriend? You’re one in a melon!
  • A watermelon proposes to its sweetheart: “Honeydew want to get married?” “Oh yes”, she replies, “but we cantaloupe!”
  • What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green? When you eat a watermelon!
  • Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool? It wanted to be a watermelon.
  • How are a car and a bicycle similar? You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.
  • I have a head like a watermelon, the arms like two baguettes, and the body of toilet paper – what am I? Banned from the supermarket!
  • How do you make a watermelon more watery? You have to plant it in the spring (a spring is a small river).
  • If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have? A really bad headache!
  • What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch? Melanie! (melon-y)
  • What did the father cantaloupe say to his son? Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)
  • What do you call a melon that commits a crime? A water-fellon!
  • Did you know there’s 50% water in a watermelon? The other 50% is melon (because half of the word is ‘water’, and the other half is ‘melon’).
  • What do you call a sad border collie with a watermelon? Melon collie.
  • What does an umbrella have in common with a watermelon? Nothing.
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  • I saw a pair of watermelons getting married. It was a pretty big wedding. As it turns out, melons cantaloupe.
  • I was eating watermelon yesterday. It was the best watermelon I’ve ever had in my life! What a melon!
  • What did the honeydew melon say when the watermelon asked to marry it. “We cantaloupe.”
  • I walked into a supermarket and saw 1/2 watermelon…..Why is it I shop at Whole Foods and see this?
  • What did the watermelon say after hearing the song? “Man, that was so meloncholy”
  • Why couldn’t the watermelon and honeydew get married in Atlantic City? Because they cantaloupe.
  • Why shouldn’t you trust watermelons? They’re seedy.
  • If there’s watermelons, we should have earthmelons, airmelons and firemelons. We should call them the elemelons!
  • This watermelon is from the wrong side of the tracks. It’s seedy.
  • They say a watermelon is 99% water. But it’s literally 50%
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  • What do you call a watermelon that was brought back to life? Frankinrind.
  • Why couldn’t the muskmelon run away with the watermelon and get married? Her parents said she cantaloupe.
  • What did the squash say to the watermelon? You butternut squash me.
  • How did the scientist feel after he failed to combine Lassie and a watermelon? Melancholy.
  • The watermelon is admitted without question into many households although…it is always very seedy.
  • Daughter: “Can I have some watermelon?” Me: “Of course you can have some water, but my name’s not Melon.”
  • So a honeydew proposes to a watermelon. The watermelon replies, “I love you but you know we’re cousins, that means we cantaloupe!”
  • Why didn’t the watermelon get married? Because his wife cantelope.
  • Did you hear about the woman that gave birth to twin watermelons? She called them the fruits of her labor.
  • What do call it when you send a watermelon in the mail? Post Melon.
  • Why did the Watermelon and the Honeydew decide to have a big family church wedding? Because they cantaloupe.
  • A new study came out identifying where watermelons get their color from. Watermelanin
  • I was eating some watermelon last night. My wife said, “Be careful, there may be the odd seed in there.” I quickly asked, “Are there any even seeds in here?” I had to repeat myself 3 times before I got the biggest eye roll ever. Meanwhile, I was on the floor laughing.
  • Why do watermelons only ever have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
  • Where do little watermelons go for the summer? John Cougar Meloncamp.
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • My girlfriend asked me what Watermelon Iced Tea would taste like. I told her it would taste like watermelon.
  • Why didn’t the watermelon marry the strawberry? They cantaloupe.
  • Why did the watermelon go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little seedy.
  • What do you call a watermelon that’s having a bad day? A melon-choly fruit.
  • What’s a watermelon’s favorite game? Seed-spitting.
  • How do you make a watermelon laugh? You tickle its rind.
  • Why did the watermelon break up with the honeydew? It wanted to see other melons.
  • Why did the watermelon wear a bowtie? It was going to a melon formal.
  • Why did the watermelon run away from the farmer? It didn’t want to get picked up.
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon and a penguin? A waddle-melon.
  • How do you know if a watermelon is good at math? It has a lot of seeds to count.
  • What do you call a watermelon that’s full of attitude? A sassy-fruit.
  • Why did the watermelon join a band? It wanted to be a melon-ade singer.
  • Why did the watermelon go to school? It wanted to learn how to become a juice box.
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon and a elephant? A jumbo fruit salad.
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • Why did the watermelon get a ticket? It was caught speeding down the produce aisle.
  • What did the watermelon say to the honeydew during a race? You’re never going to catch up because you’re too slow.
  • How do you make a watermelon float? You add some ice cream and soda.
  • Why did the watermelon fail the driving test? It couldn’t find the brake seed.
  • What’s a watermelon’s favorite workout? Rind-ercise.
  • How do you get a watermelon to listen to you? You speak to it in a melon-choly voice.
  • Why did the watermelon go on a diet? It wanted to be a little more seed-less
  • I’m a-melon over this fruit!
  • That’s a-melon-nificent!
  • Let’s cut to the pulp.
  • This fruit is the rind choice.
  • I’m not one to brag, but I’m one in a melon.
  • I’m seedlessly in love with watermelon.
  • I find watermelon quite a-peeling.
  • This fruit is the juicy way to go.
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  • Don’t be a sourpuss; try some sweet watermelon.
  • This fruit is the pick of the patch.
  • What do you call a melon that’s always on time? A prompt-kin!
  • Why did the melon go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little “seedy”!
  • What do you call a melon that’s always telling jokes? A pun-kin!
  • Why did the melon break up with his girlfriend? Because he cantaloupe with her anymore!
  • How did the watermelon propose to the honeydew? With a “melon-ring”!
  • What did the cantaloupe say to the honeydew when they got engaged? “We make the perfect pair!”
  • Why did the honeydew turn red? Because it saw the watermelon’s “melon-collie” face!
  • What did the melon say when it was asked if it wanted to go to the party? “Sure, I can’taloupe”!
  • Why did the melon have to go to school? To learn how to count in “melon-digits”!
  • How do you make a melon shake? Put it in the freezer until it’s a little “melon-choly”, then blend it with some ice cream!
  • What do you call a melon that’s addicted to video games? A “game-melon”!
  • Why did the melon join the gym? To get “melon-toned”!
  • How did the melon get in shape for its marathon? By running “melon-miles” every day!
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • What did the grape say to the melon when it asked for a date? “Sorry, I’m already vine-dated”!
  • Why did the melon take a day off from work? Because it needed a “melon-break”!
  • Why did the watermelon go to school? To become a cantaloupe!
  • Why did the cantaloupe go on a trip? To get a melon-away from all the stress!
  • What did the watermelon say to the honeydew melon? You’re one in a melon!
  • Why did the melon go to the gym? To get a good workout-se!
  • What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? A celibate melon.
  • What do you get when you cross a melon and a porcupine? A watermelon with pins and needles!
  • Why did the melon start a band? Because it had a lot of seeds to drum up!
  • How do you make a melon shake? Put it in the freezer until it’s a little melon-choly, then blend it!
  • Why did the melon have to cancel its appointment? Because it was feeling a little melon-choly!
  • What do you call a melon that’s afraid of everything? A melon-colic!
  • Why did the melon go to the hospital? It felt a little-seedy!
  • What did the grape say when it got stepped on by a melon? Nothing, it just let out a little whine!
  • Why did the watermelon refuse to join the debate team? It didn’t want to be a melon-collie!
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • Why did the cantaloupe break up with the watermelon? Because it thought the watermelon was too seedy!
  • What do you get when you cross a melon with a computer? A watermelon that’s good at processing!
  • Why did the melon cross the road? To get to the other rind!
  • How do you make a watermelon happy? You give it a slice.
  • What do you call a lazy watermelon? A melon-choly.
  • What did one watermelon say to the other? You’re one in a melon!
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon and a dinosaur? Juicy-saurus Rex!
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon and a cucumber? A water-cumber!
  • Why was the watermelon sad? Because it couldn’t elope.
  • How do you know if a watermelon is good at math? It has a lot of seeds to count.
  • Why did the watermelon go to school? To learn how to become a water-mellon-ologist.
  • What do you call a watermelon that’s always on time? A prompt-melon.
  • What did the watermelon say to the honeydew? You’re one in a melon!
  • Why did the watermelon break up with the honeydew? They were two seeds in a pod.
  • Why did the watermelon go on a diet? It wanted to reduce its rind size.
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • What do you call a watermelon with a degree? A melon-collie.
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon with a computer? A melon-byte.
  • What did the grape say when the watermelon stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  • How do you know if a watermelon is good at math? It’ll give you the square root of 144 without hesitation.
  • Why did the watermelon run away and get married? It found its other half!
  • What do you call a watermelon that’s been shot with a gun? A melon-coly.
  • What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day? You’re one in a melon, Valentine!
  • Why did the watermelon break up with the cantaloupe? It was a fruitless relationship.
  • Why did the watermelon go to the gym? To get a little more “juice” in its muscles.
  • What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when it wanted to get married? Let’s elope!
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon and a bee? A melon-y.
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • Why did the watermelon go to space? It wanted to be a star.
  • What did the watermelon say to the honeydew? You’re one in a melon!
  • Why did the watermelon fail the driving test? It couldn’t find the pedals, it’s all melon!
  • How do you make a watermelon smile? You tickle its rind!
  • What did one watermelon say to the other watermelon on a hot summer day? Can we stop the melon-choly and have some fun?
  • Why did the watermelon break up with the honeydew? It just wasn’t a good match, they couldn’t elope!
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon with a shark? A water-megalodon!
  • Why do watermelons always have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
  • How do you make a watermelon laugh? You give it a jollymelon!
  • Why did the watermelon go to school? It wanted to become a water-mellon!
  • How do you tell if a watermelon is ripe? You give it a little squeeze, and if it gives a little, it’s ripe for the pickin’!
  • What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe when it was having a bad day? Don’t worry, be melon!
  • Why did the watermelon have to keep wearing sunscreen? Because it was afraid of becoming a melonoma!
  • What did the watermelon say to the honeydew that was feeling left out? You’re not second fiddle, you’re second melon!
  • Why did the watermelon cross the road? To get to the other rind!
in post image with white background, pink border, text of watermelon pun and an image of a watermelon.
  • What do you call a watermelon that’s trying to be healthy? A well-melon.
  • Why don’t watermelons like to watch scary movies? They’re afraid they’ll get seed nightmares!
  • What did the watermelon say when it was complimented on its appearance? Aw, shucks, you’re making me blush!
  • What’s a watermelon’s favorite type of music? Melon-choly!
  • How do you make a watermelon happy? You treat it with melon-kindness!
  • Why did the watermelon go to the beach? To get a tan-line!
  • What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe when they got married? You’re one in a melon!
  • Why did the watermelon fail its driving test? It couldn’t keep its seed belt on!
  • Why did the watermelon break up with the honeydew melon? It just couldn’talope.

Do you have some favorite watermelon jokes that we forgot? Share them in the comments so we can laugh too!

Printable Watermelon Jokes

Print your watermelon jokes and have fun giggling with the entire family! 

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