10 Tips on How to Fall Back in Love with Your Husband

It can be easy to get lost in caring for children instead of nurturing your marriage. We have 10 Tips to help you fall back in love with your husband!

10 Tips on How to Fall Back in Love with Your Husband

After a truly exhausting day, I plopped down on the couch to feed our baby after tucking all the kids into bed. I looked across the room at my husband who was watching a show on his phone. Thanks, Hulu (eyes rolling). We both look at each other but don’t exchange a single word. We both went about our business, him on his phone and me feeding the baby while playing a game on mine.

After about 30 minutes my husband asked me if TJ was still eating and I nodded (I mean he was sleep eating…) he then turns to walk into our bedroom. I hear the TV go on, and then the electric toothbrush start… I knew he was getting ready for bed because he had the same routine every night.

TJ continued to halfway eat… If I wanted, I could have put him to bed, but I chose to just sit there and feed our baby. Eventually, he finished, but I continued to sit there for another 40 minutes just holding him because I didn’t feel like going to bed.

At that point I realized two things:

1. Somehow had become really passive about my marriage, that I would rather sit on the couch alone than climb into bed and snuggle with my husband.

2. I really needed to change.

Deep down I knew I really loved my husband more than anything, but I felt like somewhere along the lines I forgot how to really love him, maybe it was while we focused all our efforts on blending our family (you have no idea how difficult this is unless you have done it), or maybe it was the move halfway across the country from everything I had ever known, or maybe it was adding two more kids into the mix, or possibly it was just that “mom life” had finally taken a toll on me.

Whatever it was I was at a crossroads in my mind, I knew that one of two things were going to happen:

1. Our relationship could continue down this path and we could be great friends raising our kids together.

2. I needed to change and figure out how to be “in love” with my husband again.

Every relationship, no matter how strong goes through what ours was going through, where you get passive in your relationship when things are less about passion and love and more about friends raising kids with one another.  

At that moment I knew it was up to me to decide… And here’s what I did!

10 Tips on How to Fall Back in Love with Your Husband

Make the Choice to Change

At that very moment, I made the choice in my mind and in my heart to change. I wanted to work at what we had and not get back to what we once were, but better than what we were! As I consciously made that choice I instantly felt a little happier, even though I knew that it would take a lot of work and effort.  

Apologize for Being so Distant and Cold

For months I had been pretty distant from my husband and I think the more distant I became I naturally became cold to him. I was no longer the happy wife that was glad to see him when he came home from work or the one who sought out welcoming him home with a kiss after a long day.

So that night I climbed into bed with tears in my eyes and apologized for pushing him away for so many months. This was a turning point for us with falling back in love with one another.

Look for the Positive in All Things

I began to evaluate my life, not just my marriage.

I came to realize that I had become fairly negative in general. There were times I was negative about myself (my hair never looked good, my clothes were ugly), I was negative about things going on (the house was always dirty, the light was always red when I was running late), I was negative about my husband (he’s always late for everything, he works too much) and I realized that I had allowed that negativity to really affect my day to day life, especially with my marriage, so I decided that I needed to look for the positive things that were happening around me. I just refused to let negatively seep back into my life.

Stop Dwelling on What He Doesn’t Do, but Dwell on What He Does Do

My husband is an amazing man. Every night he cleans up after dinner. He does most of the dishes, he sweeps the floor, and cleans the counters. I know many wives wish they had husbands like this, but I got caught up dwelling on the fact that he didn’t clean the pot that I left on the stove. So every night when he was done I would huff into the kitchen to clean the ONE pot that was not cleaned.

I got so stuck on what he didn’t do rather than what he DID DO.

I know that it is so easy to look at a situation and pick out what isn’t being done rather than what is. But this is the type of thing that is harming to a relationship.

Rather than saying, “my husband NEVER changes poopy diapers” say, “I am so grateful my husband changes some of the diapers to help me!” Rather than me saying, “my husband ALWAYS forgets to clean the pots,” I need to say, “I am so grateful that my husband helps me so much after dinner so I can get some other things done.”

Dwell on what he DOES DO rather than what he doesn’t do.

Appreciate the Small Things

In a world where we are all overscheduled and running around like crazy, it is hard to appreciate the small things. We begin to just expect them or we just overlook them because we are too busy!

My husband a few times a week will just randomly send me a text that says, “I Love You!” Nothing more, nothing less… I used to really appreciate these messages because I knew he was thinking about me right then and that he took the time out of his day to send it. But I got to a point where I wasn’t as appreciative of them; it was sort of like oh that’s nice… “I love you too…”

We need to appreciate these small things because as we appreciate them we can understand just how much our husbands love us!

Stop Being Offended All the Time

If you ask my husband, I am the most sensitive person he knows. My husband loves sarcasm and I love to become offended by it… I realized to truly fall in love with my husband again I needed to be less sensitive when we are joking around. When I chose to do this, we became closer.

He now wasn’t afraid to say something that would cause me to not talk to him for several hours. I was no longer looking for ways to take offense. 

Put Your Husband First

With so many kids and so many schedules, this was one of the hardest things to do for me. But it is the most necessary when it comes to falling back in love.

When we first got married we were able to still spend a substantial amount of time together just the two of us. He knew he was my number one priority, but over the years this shifted a bit. The little kids need me more, the older kids have more activities than they had in the past. My husband and my life were busier with various things. We were giving each other what was left, which equaled on average about 15 minutes a day.

When I decided to put my husband first, we grew closer together. On busy nights I make one of his favorite dinners, rather than what the kids want. Rather than ask what the kid’s want to do after the yard work on Saturday I ask my husband what he wants to do. Rather than pausing a conversation, we are having to answer one of the kid’s questions, I simply tell the kids to wait because we are talking.

These simple things allow your spouse to know they are first in your mind.

Stop Talking and Start Listening

As women, we love to talk and we love to solve problems. My husband would come home from work and I would want to do all the talking. But I realized that in order to fall back in love I really needed to listen.

I needed to listen to what he was thinking, feeling, and struggling with.

This allows me to have more compassion and love for him. It allows me to understand better his mood after a long day. 

Stop Comparing Him

Comparison is an evil thing! It robs you of all your happiness and will eventually eat you up! Love your husband for who he is! Don’t wish he looked like your celebrity heartthrob or did things like “John Smith” down the street.

Accept him for who he is and don’t look back.

Made Date Night a Priority

Date night is now a necessary weekly event in our home because Date Night is cheaper than Divorce! Date night allows us to reconnect after a busy week. It allows us to enjoy each other’s company uninterrupted. It shows us that we are a priority to each other! And it shows our kids that our marriage is important as well! Date night for us is never super fancy. It is just our way of getting out and reconnecting as a couple.

Falling back in love is totally possible! I know because I have done it! Yes, it is hard at times because sometimes you think it is easier to just stay where you are. I promise you that as you work on strengthening your relationship you will fall more in love than you were. This will lead to you and him being much happier!

So what do you say? What are you going to do today to fall back in love with your husband?

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It can be easy to get lost in caring for children instead of nurturing your marriage. We have 10 Tips to help you fall back in love with your husband!

 

10-ways-to-fall-in-love-with-your-husband-all-over-again
what-to-do-when-you-feel-like-you-are-falling-out-of-love-with-your-husband
10-things-to-do-right-now-to-love-your-husband-more
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Michele is a Family Life Educator. She is a mom to 5 kids and loves helping others strengthen their families! When she is not blogging she is spending time with her family and running around drinking Diet Coke trying to get everything done!

30 thoughts on “10 Tips on How to Fall Back in Love with Your Husband

  1. Wonderful, wonderful post. I know after having babes things just didn’t feel the same for awhile. You’re just so busy trying to focus on baby and just life that your marriage kind of falls on the back burner.
    I think it’s so important to make a conscious effort to make each other feel important and loved. It completely changes the game. You realize you’re in it together and building this distance only makes parenting (And life) harder.
    Loved your tips and will most definitely be sharing them.
    Thanks!

  2. Thank you so much for all of this! This post resonates with me because I just went through this with my husband…especially the need to stop being so offended. He used to joke with me all the time and only recently has it become an issue so that’s one thing that I’ve really focused on fixing. I enjoyed this and am new to your blog. I can’t wait to read more!

    1. Thanks so much! It can be easy to want to victimize ourselves and become offended when our husbands are just trying to lighten things up a bit.

      When I choose to not be so serious, our house is so much happier!

      We are so happy to have you here with us! We hope that our other posts resonate with you just as strongly.

  3. I totally see myself in this article. Thanks you so much for sharing your story and these wonderful tips for reconnecting with one’s husband. After 9 years of marriage and 3 kids it’s been easy to put our marriage on the back burner. Making a change has been on my mind for a while but now I’m inspired to make a conscious effort. Super helpful post – thanks again!

    1. Thanks, Kendra! Be sure to check out our post about keeping the spark in your marriage.

      https://confessionsofparenting.com/marriage-spark/

      It can be so easy to let the kids creep to the forefront of the priorities with the family, but we need to remember what started it all, right?

      We are so happy this post was helpful to you with falling back in love with your husband. 🙂

  4. Wow that’s was amazing. My husband and I are going through a really rough patch and I know this post will definitely help us out.

    1. Karla, I am so sorry you are going through a rough patch right now! Those are always so hard in a marriage. Many of us have been where you are! As you fall back in love with your husband things will get better! In fact, from my experience, your relationship will grow even stronger! Thinking of you <3

  5. I think the one that really stands out to me is being more positive in all aspects, because that completely changes how things are with my husband. When I’m in a slump and feeling like I just hate everything about life, he internalizes that as me hating him, which is not the case. Making the choice to be positive really changes things.

  6. I really love these tips. It’s so easy to become complacent after having kids and I’m totally guilty of becoming lazy when it comes to my relationship. Making the effort and seeing the positives are definitely worth doing. Thanks for sharing with #fortheloveofBLOG

  7. It can be really challenging for couples to stay connected with kids and busy lives. You share some great tips here. Sharing on Twitter later today. Thank you for bringing this helpful post to the Hearth and Soul Link Party.

  8. This is spot on! You are not the only mom who has had these feelings. My baby will be 2 soon and I am past the nursing stage but I still find myself sitting on the couch scrolling Facebook or Pinterest instead of laying down with my husband when he goes to bed. We recently sat down and made goals for our marriage and spending more quality time whether at home or out on a date was on the top of the list. As well as, a weekend getaway twice a year. Thank you for sharing this on the Thoughtful Thursday Link Up!

  9. Such good reminders. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the other stuff in life and forget to really appreciate our partners!

  10. We’ve all felt it and you’ve proactively worked to correct it! I especially appreciate the idea of letting go of the negative and looking for the positive. It is my achilles heel – once I notice one negative I get laser focus on a search to find more of what’s wrong than what is right! Great advice as always!

  11. The last tip is the most important tip of all. I wish I had made that a priority early on but you know, funds, no baby sitter, etc. etc. were always getting in the way.

  12. Great advice! Stop being offended and look for the positive are things I struggle with. Just stepping it up is huge. 🙂 #wanderingwednesday

  13. May we never lose sight of the many reasons why we fell in love with our wonderful husbands! Thanks for reminding me here that this is an intentional thing that I need to pay attention to!

  14. A great post. I think as a married couple, we can all fall into that rut and sometimes we all need a kick up the butt to make change! Appreciation is the key i think. We can lose value of each other and its really important to keep each other focused on one another, especially when work life and children can get in the way of that. I really enjoyed reading this.

  15. You give really great advice here and I believe covered many of the most important things. MY hubby and I areas going on our 25th anniversary and do the things you have outlined.

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