It can be easy to get lost in caring for children instead of nurturing your marriage. We have 10 Tips to help you fall back in love with your husband again.
Falling Back in Love With Your Husband
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After a truly exhausting day, I plopped down on the couch to breastfeed our baby after tucking all the kids into bed. I looked across the room at my husband who was watching a show on his phone. Thanks, Hulu (eyes rolling). We both look at each other but don’t exchange a single word. We both went about our business, him on his phone and me feeding the baby while making the worst breastfeeding mistake.
After about 30 minutes my husband asked me if TJ was still eating and I nodded (I mean he was sleep eating…) he then turns to walk into our bedroom. I hear the TV go on, and then the electric toothbrush start… I knew he was getting ready for bed because he had the same routine every night
TJ continued to halfway eat… If I wanted, I could have put him to bed, but I chose to just sit there and feed our baby. Eventually, he finished, but I continued to sit there for another 40 minutes just holding him because I didn’t feel like going to bed.
At that point I realized two things:
- Somehow, I had become really passive about my marriage, so much that I would rather sit on the couch alone than climb into bed and snuggle with my husband.
- I really needed to change. I needed to know how to love my husband again.
I needed to know how to fall in love with my husband again
Deep down I knew that I really loved my husband more than anything. But still, I felt like somewhere in our marriage I had forgotten how to really love him.
Maybe it was while we focused all our efforts on blending our family (you have no idea how difficult this is unless you have done it), or maybe it was the move halfway across the country. It could have been when we added two more kids into the mix, or possibly it was just that “mom life” had finally taken a toll on me and I was overwhelmed.
Whatever it was I was at a crossroads in my mind, I knew that one of two things were going to happen:
- Our relationship could continue down this path and we could be great friends raising our kids together.
- I could change and figure out how to fall in love with my husband again.
Every relationship, no matter how strong goes through what ours was going through, where you get passive in your relationship and things are less about passion and love and more about friends raising kids with one another.
At that moment I knew it was up to me to decide… And here’s what I did!
10 Tips on How to Fall in Love with Your Husband Again
If you are wondering how to fall in love with your husband again you are not alone! Every couple has their ruts, and we all need a reminder that love is an action just as much as a feeling.
If you are ready to start falling in love again, try these 10 tips on how to fall in love with your husband again!
1. Make the Choice to Change
The moment that I realized I wanted to change, I instantly felt a little happier, even though I knew that it would take a lot of work and effort. I knew I wanted to know how to love my husband again, and that is what kept me moving forward.
Making the choice to start changing your behavior will feel like a breath of fresh air. Realizing that you have the power to make a difference in your marriage is empowering!
You are the only one that has the power to change how you view your marriage. No matter who your spouse is, you can choose to change your own behavior to make positive changes in your home and in your relationship!
2. Apologize if you have been distant
For months I had been pretty distant from my husband. I was no longer the happy wife that was glad to see him when he came home from work or the one who sought out welcoming him home with a kiss after a long day.
So that night I climbed into bed with tears in my eyes and apologized for pushing him away for so many months. This was a turning point for us with falling back in love with one another.
A lot of resentment in marriage starts from simply not believing that your spouse is aware that they have been hurting you. Take the chance to sit down with your husband and let him know that you are sorry if you have been pulling away!
Let him know that you want to be closer and that you are going to do what it takes to strengthen your relationship.
3. Evaluate your life, not just your marriage.
You may realize like I did, that you are feeling frustrated or negative about much more than your marriage. I was being negative about my home, my routine, my life, and myself. I didn’t know how to love my husband again because I didn’t really love anything!
Perhaps you have become overly-critical and need to take a step back to reflect on the big picture.
Think about the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. Are you being that kind of spouse yourself? What can you do to be your best self today?
It may not seem like working on your personal life will have a huge effect on your marriage, but it absolutely will! Find ways to improve yourself and see the growth reflected in your relationship!
4. Dwell on what he DOES do, not what he doesn’t
I know that it is so easy to look at a situation and pick out what isn’t being done rather than what is… especially when it feels like there’s an endless list of things to do but this is the type of thing that is harmful to a relationship.
Start small if you are having trouble coming up with positives. Does he start a load of dishes every once in awhile? Does he turn off the alarm quickly to try not to wake you up? Maybe he’s not helping out with the home, but he’s spending time playing with the kids instead. That’s a good thing right?
Rather than saying, “my husband NEVER changes poopy diapers” say, “I am so grateful my husband changes some of the diapers to help me!” Rather than me saying, “my husband ALWAYS forgets to clean the pots,” I need to say, “I am so grateful that my husband helps me so much after dinner so I can get some other things done.”
My husband a few times a week will just randomly send me a text that says, “I Love You!” Nothing more, nothing less… I used to really appreciate these messages because I knew he was thinking about me right then and that he took the time out of his day to send it. But I got to a point where I wasn’t as appreciative of them; it was sort of like oh that’s nice… “I love you too…”
We need to appreciate these small things because as we appreciate them we can understand just how much our husbands love us!
Dwell on what he DOES DO rather than what he doesn’t do. I know this is easier said than done but it will work wonders! Start finding simple ways to appreciate your spouse more.
5. Kiss! Every day.
Isn’t it strange that we need reminders to give a little love to our spouse?
If you are wanting to know how to fall in love with your husband again, start with a kiss every single day. I’m not talking about just a little hello or goodbye kiss either. Give him a long and thoughtful kiss and be in the moment!
That physical connection is healthy and good for your relationship! It’s a daily reminder to your spouse that you love them!
The way how to love my husband again may have been just this simple!
It may feel strange at first if you aren’t in the habit of doing this, but it will prove to be something that puts you both in a good mood and brings you closer together.
6. Love your husband unconditionally
It’s okay to be upset, and it’s even okay to take a minute alone to dwell on something every once in awhile! However, if and when something goes wrong and you find yourself withdrawing your love for him, that can do some serious damage.
You can love someone and still not adore every habit of theirs! Think about your kids in their worst moments. You still love them right? Because that love is completely unconditional.
As time passes in a marriage it is easy to lose this sentiment with your husband. Try so hard to keep it! Regardless of what’s going on that day, make a choice to love your spouse!
7. Put Your Husband First
With so many kids and so many schedules, this was one of the hardest things to do for me. But it was the most necessary when I was thinking about how to fall in love with my husband again.
Remember when you first started dating your spouse and you just couldn’t get enough of each other? Somewhere along the road, we all lose that urgency to be around each other!
For me, my priority shifted towards my children. The little kids needed me more, and the older kids had more activities than they had in the past.
Both my husband’s life and my own life were busier with various things. We were giving each other what was left, which equaled on average about 15 minutes a day.
When I decided to make marriage a priority, we grew closer together. On busy nights I make one of his favorite dinners, rather than what the kids want. Rather than ask what the kids want to do after the yard work on Saturday I ask my husband what he wants to do. Rather than pausing a conversation, we are having to answer one of the kid’s questions, I simply tell the kids to wait because we are talking.
These simple things allow your spouse to know they are first in your mind.
And guess what? Your kids are going to be fine too! In fact, they’ll likely benefit just as much as you from your strengthened relationship.
8. Stop Talking and Start Listening
As women, we love to talk and we love to solve problems. My husband would come home from work and I would want to do all the talking. But I realized that understanding how to love my husband again meant understanding him! I really needed to become a better listener in our marriage.
I needed to listen to what he was thinking, feeling, and struggling with. I needed to show him that I valued his conversation and wanted it back in my life.
Not only did it help me to continue to get to know him and his life, but it also allowed me to have more compassion and love for him. It helped me to understand his mood after a long day.
9. Stop Comparing Him
Comparison is an evil thing! It robs you of all your happiness and will eventually eat you up! Love your husband for who he is! Don’t wish he looked like your celebrity heartthrob or did things like “John Smith” down the street.
Let go of your expectations for the perfect husband. All of us are imperfect and need a bit of grace! When you let go of that expectation you’ll realize that there’s a lot more to love about your spouse than you had noticed before.
Accept him for who he is and don’t look back.
10. Make Date Night a Priority
When I was trying to figure out how to fall in love with my husband again, we decided we needed to figure out how to make date night a priority. Date night became a necessary weekly event in our home. It has changed everything for us!
Date night allows us to reconnect after a busy week. It allows us to enjoy each other’s company uninterrupted. It shows us that we are a priority to each other!
How to make date night happen with kids is hard, but totally doable! Date night for us is never super fancy. It is just our way of getting out and reconnecting as a couple.
Get a babysitter, take a quiet moment after the kids are in bed, or find another way to have a date night. Make it happen! It doesn’t matter what you’re doing as long as you are together and focus on each other.
How to fall back in love with your husband
Falling back in love is totally possible! I know because I have done it!
Yes, it is hard at times because sometimes you think it is easier to just stay where you are. I didn’t know how to fall in love with my husband again at first, and I didn’t know if it was worth all the work. But I promise you that as you work on strengthening your relationship you will be so much happier. If you try these 10 steps you will fall more in love than you ever were.
So what do you say? What are you going to do today to fall back in love with your husband?
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Michele is a Family Life Educator with her degree in marriage and family studies. She is a mom to 5 kids and loves helping others strengthen their families! When she is not blogging she is spending time with her family and running around drinking Diet Coke trying to get everything done!