We’re raisin the bar with these funny grape jokes! Your entire family will be rolling in laughter in no time.
When my kids or I’m tempted to whine, we pull out these funny grape jokes to help us laugh and move past whatever it is that is upsetting us. The jokes can travel with you and are perfect with a picnic on a sunny afternoon…with a big bowl of cold grapes, of course!
For more sunny fun, check out our Would You Rather Game, Summer Jokes, and Camping Activities!
And don’t forget to get your free printable grape joke cards which are perfect for sending in lunchboxes or backpacks. My kids love collecting all the jokes and adding them to a ring clip so they can scroll through them whenever they want! We love to have joke cards on hand in the car to share on the ride to or from school. My older kids love it when I post them on the fridge or bathroom mirror and hide the answer to see who can solve it first. There are so many ways to use the joke cards, so don’t forget to grab your free set below!
Funny Grape Jokes
I heard through the grapevine that you’re looking for some funny grape jokes!
- People ask why I hate grapes. I have my raisins.
- What do you call a grape that’s a chemist? A lave-berry.
- Why are grapes immune to loneliness? Because they grow in bunches.
- Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? He ran out of juice.
- What’s a grape’s favorite type of trip? Vine-tage train ride.
- Who is a grape’s favorite actor? Brad Pit.
- Did the grape cry when someone stepped on it? No, it just let out a little wine.
- What’s purple and goes up and down? A grape in an elevator.
- What do you call a grape that’s a cartoonist? Draw-berry
- What did the grape do when the fat man stepped on it? It gave out a little wine.
- What did one grape say to the other? Stop wining!
- Did you hear the joke about the grape? It was pit-iful.
- What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe! Breathe!
- What’s a grape’s favorite hobby? Wine-ing!
- Did you hear about the grape that betrayed his country? He committed traisin.
- What do you call a grape that’s been stepped on? A little “wine”y!
- How did the grape get to be so wise? By raisin awareness.
- Why did the grape go to the doctor? It was feeling a little raisin-able.
- What is purple and swings from a tree? A gr-ape.
- Why don’t farmers grow grapes? Because they’re raisin them!
- What did the grape say to the waiter when they asked him if he would like a drink with his meal? Sure, wine not!
- How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant? Grapes are purple.
- What’s purple and flies? Super-Grape!
- How do you make a grape laugh? Tickle its vine!
- How do you think the grapes complain? Oh, they just vine.
- What is purple and long? The grape wall of China.
- Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a sea of grape juice? He tried swimming to shore but his efforts were fruitile.
- Why did the grape become a rapper? It had the juice and the flow!
- Why are bananas favored over grapes? They have more apeel.
- Why did the grape break up with the raisin? It couldn’t handle the “drying” relationship!
- What did the grape say to the raisin? “You’re looking a little wrinkled today!”
- Be careful if you get in a wine barrel… The currant is very strong!
- A grape fell from the vine and dried up today but it wasn’t upset. Everything happens for a raisin I guess.
- How does a wine drinker hear about the next best brand? Through the grapevine.
- What’s purple and vies for world domination? Alexander the Grape.
- What do you call a grape that has turned into a cat? A sour puss.
- What’s purple and huge and swims in the ocean? Moby Grape.
- What do you call a grape who loves hip-hop? Grape-AC!
- What do you get when you cross a grape and a dog? A “sour-pooch”!
- Why did the grapes refuse to date the bacon? Because he couldn’t handle the sizzle!
- What do you call it when you add grapes to beef? Raisin the steaks!
- What fruit do batteries like the best? Currants!
- What did the grape say to the silly peanut butter? You’re nuts!
- What’s purple and commutes? An abelian grape.
- Why did the grape never get promoted? It was always crushed under pressure.
- Why wouldn’t Mrs Grape leave her children behind? Because she loves raisin kids.
- If white wine goes with fish, what do white grapes go with? Sushi!
- What’s a grape’s favorite street art? Gra-peel!
- Why did the grape bring a towel to the party? In case it wanted to “wine” down!
- What do you get when you cross a grape with a giraffe? A long, stretchy fruit!
- I can’t tell you why I like grapes… But I have my raisins!
- What do you call a wine hangover? The wrath of grapes.
- What did the salad say to the fruit? You look grape today!
- What do you call a grapes’s home? Vineyard
- What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
- Why’d Mrs Grape leave her family? She was tired of raisin kids!
- How did the grape become a social media influencer? It had a grape following!”
- Why did the grape get disqualified from the limbo championship? He kept raisin the bar.
- What’s a grape’s favorite social media platform? Vine!
- How do you turn a grape into a prune? You wait a few years!
- Where do grapes keep their money? In their currant account!
- What do you call a wine hangover? The grape depression.
- Why was the grape afraid of the apple? Because the apple was a HARDcore!
- Why did the grape start a dance crew? It had the moves like grape-ger!
- What do you call a grape that’s a singer? Grapeyoncé.
- What do you call the time in between eating grapes? A pit stop.
- Why was the grapefruit feeling left out? Because it wasn’t invited to the grape party!
- What do you get when you cross a grape with a computer? A website that’s always crushed!
- What’s a grape’s favorite fruit? A grapefruit!
- What do you call good decisions made by a grape? Fruitful thoughts.
- What happened when the grape was promoted? It got a raisin pay.
- How do you organize a fantastic grape party? You plan it down to the vine details!
- Why did the grape break up with the banana? It couldn’t peel with the pressure.
- What do you call a grape that can’t stop laughing? A grape jokester.
- How do grapes communicate? They use vine language!
- Why did the grape go out with the raisin? Because it couldn’t find a better date!
- What do you call a grape that likes to dance? A jamboree!
- What do you call a man who can’t stop eating grapes? A bottomless pit.
- What’s a grape’s favorite way to travel around the city? By grape-ride!”
- Why was the grape late to work? He had to make a pit stop on the way there.
- What do you call a bunch of angry grapes? Sour!
- What do you call a grape that’s a comedian? A punch-line.
- A grape walked into a mixer and didn’t even thank the mixer for not squishing it. He was quite ungrapeful.
- Why don’t grapes tell secrets in the orchard? Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans stalk
- What kind of decisions do grapes make? Fruitful ones.
- What did the grape say to the peanut? You’re nuts.
- What would a grape love to pet? A Pit Bull.
- Why did grape prices go up? There was a raisin demand.
- Why did the grapes get married? They love raisin’ kids.
- What’s a grape’s favorite type of dance? Vine-ese waltz.
- What’s a grape’s favorite game to play? Squash!
- Why did the grape go to therapy? It had too many issues to wine about.
- Why did the grape go to the music festival? To have a grape time!
- Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because she ran out of juice.
- How does one measure the length of grapevines? They do it in vineyards.
- How did the grape become a famous photographer? It had an eye for grape shots!
- How do you think the grapes complain? Oh, they just vine.
- What happens when sour grapes get angry? They try raisin hell!
- What do you call a grape who loves urban fashion? A grape trendsetter!
- What did the grape say to others in the bunch? It’s grape hanging out with you guys.
- What fruits do the batteries like the most? The currants.
- Why did the grape become a street performer? It had a natural talent for vine art!
- What would be the best wine shop name ever? Best Cellar.
- What’s a grape’s favorite urban sport? Skate-grape-ing!
- Why did the grape join a bike gang? It wanted to ride with the grape-ers!
- What did one grape say to the other grape in the vineyard? “Stop whining and let’s enjoy the sunshine!”
- What do you call a grape who’s always exploring the city? An urban vineturer!
- How do grapes feel when they get stepped on? Crushed.
- What do you call a grape that’s dressed up? Vine-dressed!
- How did the grape become a DJ? It had a grape ear for music!
- Why did the grape go to the doctor? It was feeling a little wine-sick.
- What do grapes do when they achieve something great? They wine and dine!
- Why did the grape go to school? To get a little “bunch” of knowledge!
- What’s a grape’s favorite type of movie? Anything with a good crush scene!
- What’s a grape’s favorite way to travel around the city? By grape-ride!
- What do you call a grape that’s a swimmer? A dive-berry.
- How do you make a grape turnover? Roll it down a hill!
- What do you call a grape that’s been playing in the snow? A frosted grape.
- Why did the grape go to the party? It heard it was going to be a grape time!
- What did the grape say to the raisin at the dance party? “Why so dried up? Let’s salsa!”
- What do you call a grape that’s good at karate? A grape belt!
- What’s a grape’s favorite social media platform? Vine-stagram.
- What did the grape say to the strawberry? “You’re berry special, but I’m grape!”
- What’s a grape’s favorite type of dance? The grapevine!
Share your favorite funny grape jokes in the comments!
Printable Grape Jokes
Print your grape jokes and have fun giggling with the entire family!
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Can I resell these?
You may not resell any printable on our website or in our resource library. You may use them for class parties, at church, at home, or in the classroom. You may get these printed at an office supply store or copy center at your own expense.
Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. With her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer, Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.