Marriage, My Life, remarriage

Cleave to Each Other

Learning to Cleave
As I walked up to the door I was nervous. I was meeting my future mother in law for the very first time. I knew she was concerned because we had only dated a short time. I had hoped she would like me that night to start our relationship off on a good note. I knocked on the door and the door opened. On the other side of the door was a perfectly dressed lady that looked like she had just stepped out of a Nordstrom catalog. The home was perfectly decorated as well. I smiled brightly and said, “Hi!” I recall her reaction as she observed my clothes I had carefully selected to wear that night and she with no smile at all responded, “Come in.”
I recall that night her not being very positive, but I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she was just as nervous as I was. Throughout the night she had made several comments that didn’t sit well with me about her disapproval of our upcoming marriage and if I really knew who I was marrying. I was young and naïve and shrugged them off determined to have a good relationship with her. In one study 80 percent of couple’s marriages end in divorce when their marriage does not have the support of the parents of who they are marrying.

Continue reading “Cleave to Each Other”

Blogmas, Christmas, Holidays, Marriage, relationship skills

Date Night in December

Welcome to Blogmas 2017! We are so excited to have Trendy2Teens with us today! Giving us tips on Great Dates this December! Check out their website

Date Night in December

(For you & your spouse)

 

Ladies & Gents, welcome to your date guide for the 12 days of Christmas, how excited are you that Christmas is almost here? The best part is when you get to spend it with your lover. This is my favorite time of the year so, I’m ready to deck the halls and start sleighing all the way 😉 Being happy this holiday season is a must so here are your 12 days of Christmas Date Ideas. Be prepared to read the word Christmas a lot!

  • Christmas Movies!!! You and your lover can get matching PJ’s, socks and cozy uptogether for a night on the couch, while eating Christmas cookies and drinking hot chocolate! Obviously the best because it’s Christmas! How awesome is it to have this perfect moment while watching a movie?? If you don’t know what movies to watch, check out my favorites here:
  • Light Show!!! Find a local light show/tree lighting around town, get in the car and go! The best way to have fun is to pack some Christmas cookies and play some Christmas music! While going through the track of lights, just to spice it up, every time you see Santa Claus… KISS!
  • Make Christmas Cards… the best time to be creative and know who the real crafty one is 😉 and to be even more romantic go give your cards to the local homeless shelter! All different colored cards with glitter, glue, and fun items will make them have more meaning!
  • Create Gingerbread Houses!!! Contest? Who can make the best one? Couple vs couple? Go buy the box with the house & get extra decorations and icing so yours can be the best! Bonding time=the best time.
  • Go Ice-Skating!!! The one who falls first has to kiss the other 🙂 This is a fun experience and a funny experience all in one!
  • Go see a Christmas show!!! There are so many churches, dance studios, and even theaters that are doing shows that revolve around Christmas. Support your community and go see one!
  • Play in the snow!!! No matter how old you are, the snow is AMAZING. 13, 23, 33, 43, or even 53. Go outside with your spouse and throw a snowball at them! Have some sparkle, jolly, twinkle fun! When you find out who wins the snowball fight, build a snowman! After your hands are frozen, go for a walk and then go cozy up by the fireplace and drink some hot chocolate!
  • Have a Christmas photo shoot!!! It could be in front of the tree or under the mistletoe! Snap a few photos of each other and together.
  • Go Holiday Shopping!!! Did you get that last minute gift for your sibling? Your mom? Grandma? Your spouse could probably help you out! Bring them along and pick it out together. Then later on, wrap the presents together!
  • Bake Christmas Cookies!!! Santa isn’t the only one that loves cookies! Turn up the Christmas tunes & dance around the kitchen while making cookies. This could even turn into a dance off or a food fight (those are the best).
  • Attend a Holiday Party!!! Get dressed up and go out on the town. With you two looking spiffy, Santa is bound to bring you two gifts 🙂 you two can go celebrate being a couple!
  • Have a game night!!! Pull out those board games and turn on some Christmas music. (Christmas music is a must for all of these) and see who can win the game!

Thank you guys for reading, hope this helped and come let us know how your 12 days of Christmas went!

 

Trendy2Teens consists of two teenage girls, Kaitlyn and Sara, who love fashion, beauty, fitness and travel!

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Date Night in December

 

 

Divorce, Marriage, married life, remarriage, Step Families

An Open Letter to the One I Love

So many years ago I hit rock bottom, divorced, going to school, raising two boys, trying to make ends meet, and wondering to myself how long this stage of my life would last. I remember like it was yesterday falling to my knees in prayer pleading with God that if he wanted me to get married again that he would literally have to drop someone in my lap because I didn’t have time and I certainly did not want to go through the “high school dating scene” again. That night my head hit the pillow and I dreamed a dream. I was standing on a cliff in a wedding dress marrying the man that would take care of me for the rest of my life.

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A few days later I met you, and at the moment I knew… I knew you were the man in my dreams that I had seen. You were the one that would pick up all my broken pieces and put them back together again. You were the one that would help me learn to trust and that I would give my whole heart to. You were the one that would be patient with me as I questioned everything. You were the one when I was finally ready to get married again you would be there.

We dated for several months, me playing the skeptic the whole time and looking for any red flag that I could and you still stood there silently waiting for me to be ready. You allowed me to question everything about you and about us. Many times I just wanted to give up and stop trying, because that was easy, but something greater than me told me to keep going and keep believing in the process of falling in love with you. I am so glad I listened…

Finally, one day I decided I didn’t want to ever live without you. I wanted to wake up with you next to me and go to bed with you by my side. I wanted you to always be there and share all of life’s joys and sorrows with me. The day you asked me to marry you was one of the best days of my life, because I knew you would always be there for me.

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Our wedding was small, but beautiful as our life began as one. Since then you have become my best friend and the one I truly love. You have helped me become a better person, a better mom, and a better wife. You have cheered me on with all my dreams and have been there to catch me when they don’t always work out. You have pushed me to try new things and and comforted me on my weakest days.

 

Married life hasn’t always been easy as we have blended our kids together and learned to merge parenting styles, but never once have I wanted to give up on you, or us, or our family because I know hard things are worth it! And let me tell you this life has been 110% worth all the tears, sleepless nights, and frustration to get where we are right now.

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We have come so far in 4 ½ years. We have probably grown as a couple more in this amount of time than most couples do in 15 years of marriage.  We have 5 of the most perfect children all unique and special in their own way. We have a love for one another that I never thought was possible. I have everything I have always wanted in life, because of you. Perfection is something that doesn’t exist, but let me tell you this life to me is perfect, because of you. You have provided, protected, and loved me and the kids unconditionally.

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I have learned more from loving you than I have learned doing anything else in my life.

Through the ups and the downs there is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes there are more downs than ups, but those are the times where you learn to love more. You have taught me how to love more even through the most difficult of times. I have learned what unconditional love is from watching you with the boys.

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People in the world might look at our life and call it crazy, but I call it perfection. This life is my happy place. I would not trade away this adventure for anything. There was a reason God gave you to me… There was a reason one Summer night I saw the man I would marry in my dreams. I could not be more grateful and honored to call you my husband, to call you my best friend, and the one I get to spend forever with.

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Thank you for loving me, even when I don’t deserve it. Thank you for picking me up when I fall. Thank you for supporting me through life’s toughest challenges. Thank you for keeping me on my toes with your sarcasm and your humor. Thank you for your compassion and love when I fall short of where I want to be. Thank you for your unconditional love you offer me and the kids. Thank you for your strength, your wisdom, and your charm that keeps me going everyday. I will always love you!IMG_4723

 

Love,
Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter to the One I Love

 

 

 

 

forgiveness, Marriage, married life, My Life

What if It’s the Last Time?

As I was sitting earlier today with my husband before he had surgery I glanced over at him in between coloring with Talie and feeding Tony and saw him just staring at me with the most loving look with watery eyes… I said to him, “What are you doing because you are looking at me as if you will never see me again?” He smiles and said, “Just looking at you…” As we (the kids and I) left the hospital (yes, I have some wife guilt not staying with him, but with so many kids at home some things are just not possible) I began to think to myself, “What if this is the last time I saw him, would he know… and so many thoughts ran through my head….”

I hope he would know just how much I love him and how no one could ever replace him. I hope he would know that I think he is the most patient loving dad I have ever known. I hope he would know that not a day would pass that I would not think about him and miss him tremendously.I hope he would know that he is the best thing that ever happened to me… I hope he would know…

I hope he would know-2

I then began to think about all the little things that I made into big deals like the toilet seat being up, the dishes he put in the sink right after I just finished doing all the dishes, and amount of perfection he has on every project we do therefore it taking 5x as long… And thought are these things really that big of a deal that I should have spent those moments complaining to him about, rather than loving him for who he is?

I then thought if this was the last time I saw him I wished we would have snuggled more, laughed a little harder together, disagreed a little less; compromised a little more, dated more after having kids, and really enjoyed our time together so we had so many memories to look back on.

Thankfully this not the end for us… I get to pick him up in a few hours, and we get to continue to make memories and learn from the past to make the future brighter together. We get that… I am lucky, some are not so lucky where the last memory they have of their spouse is the fight over what to watch on TV or who left the shoes in the hallway that they tripped over, or some other small thing they wished now they would have never brought up.

Do we Spend our time...-2When it comes to our spouse, do we give them our best or what’s leftover after everything else we have done that day? Do we make the most of our time together or do we make it about who can be the most snarky or sarcastic to each other? Do we spend our time wondering if our spouse loves us or spend it showing them just how much we love them?

Let’s make our marriages more intentional where we love more and get offended less so if it was the last time, we would not regret the memories we have together. So when we want to get upset or mad just think to yourself, “What if it’s the last time?”

 

 

What if it's the last time?

Divorce, Marriage, My Life, remarriage

The Forgotten Pathway and Remarriage

The Forgotten Pathway and Remarriage

15 years ago I was 19. I remember heading off to college with the hopes of getting
a college education, but more specifically a husband if you want me to be completely honest. While I was away at school I noticed something unusual when it came to dating, it was sort of non-existent. There were a lot of people hanging out, but no one was really going anywhere. Sure groups of us would watch movies and go out to dinner, but that was the extent of it. In the 6 months I was away at school (Yes, 6 months, that is a blog post all by its self!) I never once was asked on a date, nor had dinner bought for me, or anything else that remotely symbolized a date. I was confused, was I really not cute at all? Did I have a big zit on the end of my nose I didn’t know about?
It wasn’t until I returned back home that I realized the world is taking a whole new approach to getting married. I was apparently an “emerging adult”, someone who was no longer a child, but yet someone who was not married because we don’t have to deal with any of the commitments of marriage. These adults are more pessimistic when it comes to marriage, they want to get ahead in life before they settle down and get married, they would rather just hook up and hangout with no real strings attached, and they want to accept cohabitation as a form of making doubly sure they really want to live with and marry the person they have hooked up with. This was not me! I wanted to be married I wanted to have a family and I wanted to be successful with my husband, not before I married him! I then realized that I was on the forgotten pathway in the world. I was going my own direction towards finding a companion who would love me for who I was and who would want to grow old with me.
So how do you find a spouse in these challenging dating times? The first step is to prepare yourself for marriage! No, I don’t mean buy a house and have a six-figure income, but what I do mean is become the spouse you want to be. Do you want to be kind; do you want to be loving? Develop these qualities now. The question you should ask yourself is, “How can I be prepared to form and nurture an enduring marriage?” Next, we need to put our trust in the Lord. When we follow him and his teachings he will direct our paths. I understand it is scary to get married at times, you worry about the future, and you worry because everyone around you is getting divorced, but we cannot live in fear. Faith and fear cannot exist together. We must have faith that we have the ability to make things work. We need to develop the ability to love and learn how to express that love in meaningful ways. As we do this our mate will know the intentions of our heart. Learn to communicate. Learn to listen as you communicate. Don’t just hear the words, but listen to the desires. They will tell you what you need!
We then have to remember we don’t always choose the timing of things, and I have discovered the Lord has a sense of humor at times. This is why it is important to prepare for marriage now, so you are ready when the time is right. I was married in 2003 to which I thought I would spend forever with.  Unfortunately, 9 years later we filed for divorce and 6 months after that it was finalized. I had all the feelings of an emerging adult again. I didn’t want any of this to happen again. I was heartbroken, but like I said 1015712_10151424357036316_472262850_othe Lord has a sense of humor and within a couple weeks after my divorce was finalized I met a guy. I was like no way! Absolutely not doing it!  But he did everything I wanted! He dated me, he loved me, he communicated with me. I still was unsure of life because of the hurt that I had just overcome, but the Lord testified to me that he was the one.  I recalled the thought, “his way and in his time”

946609_10151480772036316_1278735238_n I wasn’t emotionally ready for marriage, but the Lord knew it was my time.  My sweet husband was patient, we dated for a year for us to both be ready and then we got married. We celebrated our year anniversary this year and as I look back I would not have wanted it any other way. He is my forever and I found him on the forgotten path, and I know you can find yours on this path as well! Just remember his way and his time!

Marriage, married life, Mom Life, My Life, parenting, relationship skills

To My Husband

To My Husband

To My Husband,

I promise it’s not you… It’s me…

You see it goes like this… All day and all night I am touched. My body is not my own right now. It seems our 4 month is always latched on or attached to me somehow and our two year old waddles behind me all day touching my bum and wanting up.

By the end of the day, I have been spit up on, barfed on, drooled on, had snot wiped on me, worn a little breakfast on my sleeve, and now am covered in dinner because someone was “helping me” all without a shower because I just didn’t have time in my day.

I have been pulled on, dragged by the hand to turn on the TV, laid on, and slept on since the moment I woke up this morning.

I don’t remember the last time I actually felt pretty because who feels pretty when they are pregnant and then after a baby you just still feel fat because nothing fits quite right. On top of that who has time to paint their nails, or shave their legs, or put on makeup or do their hair? Certainly not me…

By the end of the LONG day of taking care of kids the last thing I want is to be breathed on, touched, or laid on because I have been touched all day. My body is currently not mine. It is shrinking back to normal size as well as fulfilling the purpose of feeding our child.

Every morning when I wake up I make the decision that today is going to be the day when I show you all the affection in the world when you get home from work and I can show you just how much I love you, but then reality hits, and the last thing I want to do is show any more affection or stay up even one minute later after the kids go to bed because I am tired, mentally and physically.

So I ask you to please just be patient with me. Please continue to love me even when I push you away. Continue to take me on dates even though at first I complain that I have to put on real clothes. Continue to try to kiss me even though I turn my cheek the other way. Continue to grab my hand when you want me to hold yours… Continue to love me through this stage of our life.

I promise I want you to touch me and snuggle with me in bed and hear all about your day. I promise my love for you grows each and everyday, even though I might not always say it or show it. I promise my world would be incomplete without you in it. I promise I miss you when you are gone and can’t wait for you to come home each day. I promise that one day I will be back to wanting to be touched, wanting to hold your hand, and wanting to be constantly kissed by you. I promise I love you more than I can say and express, and one day when I feel like myself again I will show it. So in the meantime please know that I love you more than anything and just be patient with me.

Love,

Me

 

 

 

Marriage, married life, My Life, relationship skills, Uncategorized

Heaven help Me! Not Another Home Improvement Project!

heaven help me

Two months before my husband and I got married we bought a fixer upper in the perfect neighborhood in the city we were living in. We knew he had two months to fix it up and get it to our standard of liveable before we combined households and moved in.

This house was disgusting when we bought it; it needed a whole new paint job because of booger stained walls, it needed new carpet because of fecal matter from pets, it smelt like a zoo had been living their for years, the tile floors needed to be stripped down because the previous owners tried a DIY project that obviously went bad, the cabinets were caked with 3 inches of grease, the countertops had lost its grout because of poor maintenance, and the backyard was unfinished. Sadly, this house was only 5 years old and had sustained this much damage and abuse. They always say buy the worst house in the best neighborhood, well we did!

We were so ill prepared for what we were going to take on as a “happily engaged” couple. We had set a budget and had an idea of what we needed to do, but that was about it. We had never worked on a project together before, never really talked about decorating, or desires so you could say that we were going in blindly to the project.

I recall our first “discussion” about the house when I realized that renovating a house with anyone, especially my fiance might have been the worst thing I ever decided to do!  One night, we were talking about paint colors and painting when I suggested that we paint the house a few different colors (not all in the same room) to give the house some character. I also suggested we paint the house a nice warm color that was not tan, because at that time everyone’s house was tan. The look that was shot across the room for suggesting something other than tan was priceless! He then followed it up  with, “What do you mean a different color, we are painting it tan.”

Continue reading “Heaven help Me! Not Another Home Improvement Project!”

Marriage, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 4

 
Today we conclude our love mapping series. How has it been going? If you missed our previous posts on enhancing our love maps, click here or here or here.

Love Maps Part 4

We made it! Congratulations you know your spouse better now than you probably ever have before, now it is time to sit back relax and put your feet up because the work is done, right?!
Getting to know your spouse is an ongoing process, the more we invest in getting to know our spouses the better we are able to overcome life’s challenges together and be strengthened as a couple. The process of getting to know your spouse never ends; we continue to build upon what we have. We are always changing, they are always changing and therefore there is always something to learn. What you put into the relationship you will reap in happiness and eternal blessings.
Continue to build upon what we have learned. Continue to ask questions. Continue to bond with your spouse. As you do this, your marriage will be blessed.

 

Keep exploring! Let us know how it’s going!
Marriage, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 3

 

Today we move on to the next part of love mapping. How did it go last week? If you missed our first or second post on enhancing our love maps, click here or here

Love Maps Part 3

Just the other day my husband and I were reminiscing. We were reminiscing when we first met and started talking. When we met, we were both attending the same church and met there. We did not want people to watch us begin our dating experience because we did not want to be constantly asked by others how it was going. With his busy travel and work schedule and me being a full time mom it left really odd times to talk, therefore we would communicate through Facebook Messenger. (Now, I am not advocating this to be a great way to get to know someone, but it happened to work for our situation.) We went back and read our likes our dislikes, our hopes, our dreams, and just about our life in general. So much had changed in such a short time, 4 years. How was this even possible? It’s possible because people change; life changes us. We develop different interests, hobbies, and ideas. How do we ensure that we constantly get to know our spouse through the changes that we experience? We do this through love mapping, more specifically though figuring out ‘Who I am’?

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Marriage, married life, relationship skills

Love Map Series Part 2

Today we move on to the next part of love mapping. How did it go last week? If you missed our first post on enhancing our love maps, click here!
Asking open-ended questions is crucial to your marriage and your growing relationship! Not only is it important to ask the questions, but it is more important to remember the answers that your partner gives! I recall a couple years back sitting down with my husband after the kids had gone to bed. I recall him asking me a question; I can’t even remember what it was anymore. I thoughtfully answered the question and after I did I looked over and he was asleep! I was slightly frustrated to say the least; I mean seriously why ask if you aren’t listening? He woke up about the time I finished and responded, “Oh I didn’t hear you. Tell me again.” So I kindly told him again. What do you think happened? Yep! Asleep again! As I finished I was so irritated, just in time for him to wake up! His response is comical now, but at the time it was not! He told me that my voice is so soothing it just puts him to sleep. Are you kidding me?! Of course I thought he just didn’t care then. Since then we have discovered if I want him to pay attention and remember what I say I cannot tell him anything important after 9:30pm.
Asking open-ended questions invites growth in the relationship while you share experiences you have had, emotions you have felt, and opinions with one another. It shows that you are interested in your spouse and interested in growing your relationship with one another. Dr. Gottman gave a great list of questions we can ask in his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. If you haven’t I highly recommend you pick it and read it! This list is adapted from his book.

Continue reading “Love Map Series Part 2”