The Best Golf Puns and One Liners That are On Par For Laughter

Last Updated on September 29, 2022 by Michele Tripple

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If you are looking for some tee-riffic golf puns that are sure to make you laugh, then you are in the right place. These golf puns and one-liners are on par with delivering a lot of laughs.

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Pull out the driver, these golf puns are sure to hit a hole in one when it comes to laughter! They are family-friendly and perfect for kids and adults of all ages, so you won’t have to go bury your head in the bunker out of embarrassment when you hear the punch line.

These puns are perfect for sharing through text, in person, or your Instant caption to really spark the laughs because we all know a good golf pun or one-liner only makes your golf game even better, especially when you are in the rough.

For more funny jokes and puns, be sure to check out our donut jokes for kids, our graduation jokes, and our pirate jokes.

Do your kids love jokes? Grab these fun joke cards for them to laugh at all the time! These are perfect for lunch box jokes, joke cards series, bedtime laughs, and more! Grab them now!

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The Best Golf Puns and Jokes

golf pun with pink golf cart and blue border

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

A: In case he got a hole in one!

You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? How the heck did that happen?

I chipped in from the rough!

Q: Why don’t golfers ever eat pie?

A: Just in case they get a slice!

Q: How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Fore!
 
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Q: What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off?

A: Kiss my putt!
golf pun with blue golf club behind golf ball with a blue border

Q: What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?

A: Fore-Get Me Nots

Q: What’s the easiest shot in golf?

A: Your fourth putt

Q: What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?

A: The Bogeyman
golf pun with putting green and blue border

Q: What is a golfer’s favorite bird?

A: Any birdie they can find

A player asked his golf coach: “What is going wrong with my game?”

The coach replied, “You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”

Q: When is it too wet to play golf?

A: When your golf cart capsizes

Q: Did you hear about the two guys that met at a golf course?

A: It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip!

Q: Which actress is incredible at golf?

A: Minnie Driver
golf pun with golf ball and blue border

There are three ways to improve your golf game: 

Take lessons, practice constantly, or… start cheating!

Q: Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?

A: A golf course

Q: What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?

A: When a golfer lies he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

Golf balls are like eggs.

They’re white, sold by the dozen, and after a week you need to buy some more!

Q: Are you a scratch golfer?

A: I sure am. Every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where the heck it went.
golf pun with pink golf cart and blue border

Q: Do you know how the moon got craters?

A: Three Words: Chuck Norris Golf

Golfer: “I think I’ll go drown myself in that lake.”

Caddie: “I don’t think you’ll keep your head down long enough.”

I shot one under at golf today.

One under a tree, one under a bush, and one under the water

Bad at golf?

Join the club.

Q: What does a golfer love to hear from his wife?

A: Talk birdie to me!
 
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golf pun with golf club and ball with a blue border

Q: Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?

A: Clubbing

Q: Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?

A: He was perfecting his swing!

Golfer: I would move heaven and earth to get a birdie today.

Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth today

There’s no game like golf. 

You go out with three friends, play 18 holes, then come back with three enemies!

Q: Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?

A: He was puttering around
golf pun with golf ball and blue border

Q: Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf?

A: On a golf corpse

Q: What do golfers do on their days off?

A: Putter around

Q: What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars?

A: Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball

Q: What did the sign above the golf club bar say?

A: “Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt”

Q: What do you call a really friendly golfer?

A: A social putterfly
golf pun with blue golf cart and blue border

Q: What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters?

A: The chimpion!

Q: What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet?

A: A lot of greens and water

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers… 

They shoot a “six”, yell “fore” and write “five”

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice … 

Once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

Q: What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?

A: The Bogey.
golf pun with putting green and blue border

Q: Why do golf announcers whisper?

A: Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching

A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, 

“Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

“You’re late on the tee, John.”

“Yes, well, it being a Sunday, I had to toss a coin to see if I should go to church or go and play golf.”

“Okay, but why are you so late?”

“I had to toss it 15 times!”

Q: What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?

A: Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.
 
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Q: Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?

A: A golf course!
golf pun with golf club and ball with blue border

Q: Why do golfers hate cake?

A: Because they might get a slice

Q: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke Skywalker before he went out for his round of golf?

A: “May the fores be with you, Luke.”

Q: What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?

A: Harry Putter

Q: Why does the golf pro tell you to keep your head down during lessons?

A: So you can’t see them laughing

Golfing is the idlest sport…

Can you imagine just kicking a white ball around all day long?
golf pun with golf ball and blue border

Q: Why was Cinderella such a terrible golfer?

A: Her coach was a pumpkin

Q: Why didn’t the golfer say anything before he hit the ball off the tee?

A: He was at a loss fore words

Q: Why are computers so good at golf?

A: Because they have hard drives

Q: Why did the golfer need new socks?

A: Because there was a hole in one

Q: Where do golfers go on their date?

A: The golf ball
golf pun with blue golf cart and blue border

Q: Why isn’t golf played in the jungle?

A: Because there are too many cheetahs
 
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One Line Golf Puns

  1. If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
  2. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.
  3. Golf is a lot like taxes…you go for the green and come out in the hole!
  4. It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.
  5. If your opponent can’t remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, chances are he had an eight on it.
  1. I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break!
  2. I only hit two good balls today…when I stood on a rake!
  3. Man, that dwarf is good at putting and chipping. His short game is at a different level!
  4. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off work will soon take up work to get his mind off golf.
  5. Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
  1. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer!
  2. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles!
  3. The secret of playing good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often!
  4. I’m so bad at golf that I have to go get my ball retriever regripped more often than my clubs.
  5. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the higher the chance of him telling you what you’re doing wrong!
  1. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh!
  2. The best person to play golf with is someone who always plays a little bit worse than you do.
  3. Golf is the only game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well.
  4. In golf, the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you!
  5. Golf: a 5-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
  1. Golf is harder than baseball because in golf you have to play your foul balls.
  2. I wish I could play my normal game…Just once!
  3. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”
  4. I play in the low 80’s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
  5. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work… and both are expensive.
  1. The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.
  2. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. 
  3. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
  4. Practice Tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice
  5. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
  1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
  2. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
  3. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
  4. A golfer was having a terrible round — 20-over par for the front nine with scores of balls lost in water or rough. When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it.
  5. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
  1. Fairway: An unfamiliar tract of closely mowed grass running from the tee to the green. Your ball is usually found immediately to the left or right of it
  2. If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.
  3. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.
  4. sA “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.
  5. Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
  1. Golf forth, and prosper.
  2. I’m going to the Golf of Mexico.
  3. I golf you on my mind.
  4. That’s an abandoned golf mine.
  5. I am the golf-father.
  1. Not all men are created eagle
  2. Stay humble and put your eagle aside
  3. Golf isn’t really my club of tea.
  4. In golf, you really need fore-sight.
  5. Everybody trap your hands.

Do you have some other great gold puns that you want to share? Add them in the comments so we can add them to the list!

You can Never Have Too Many Jokes! Complete List of Awesome Jokes!

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