5 Steps For Making New Mom Friends After a Move
After moving to a new state, my focus was getting the kids acclimated to our new area. I got them involved in activities and that helped them to make friends. A few months went by, and I realized I had no friends myself! I had put so much of my focus and attention on the kids that I had completely neglected myself.
Having mom friends or a mom tribe helps to keep you sane. They become your people. They’re who you call for a middle of the night emergency. They help you out at a moments notice because they understand life happens. But first, you have to find those people.
Finding new friends as an adult is not fun. We are usually set in our ways, and we do not have the time, patience, or energy for mama drama. So what’s a girl to do?
How Do We Find New Mom Friends?
Step 1: I showed up. Instead of just dropping kids off at activities or practices, I actually stayed. I put names to faces and figured out which kids belonged to which parents. Once I had that figured out, I could then muster up the nerve to approach and say, “You’re Molly’s mom, right?” Even though I darn well knew she was Molly’s mom, it was an easy icebreaker.
Step 2: Start talking! Beginning small talk is the stepping stone to putting yourself out there. It might be awkward, but hopefully, it gets better. If not, move on and hope for better results next time.
Step 3: Look for common ground. Not sure what to say? Look for “a me too” moment. Did someone show up late, or did someone forget something? Empathize and share your own oops moment. It helps ease that persons shame and embarrassment, and it makes you totally relatable.
Step 4: Be authentic. Don’t try to be somebody you’re not. People can see right through fakeness. While finding common ground is helpful, it’s also not required to make a friend. I’m not into all of the same things as some of my friends, and that’s okay! We love each other anyway.
Step 5: Keep trying. You’re not going to click with everyone you meet, and that’s okay. Someone may remain an acquaintance only, while others you meet become family. Keep trying, follow the steps, and soon you’ll have a few new friends.
As with anything else, there are always some don’ts that go along with the Do’s. Sometimes trying to make new mom friends can even feel like dating! Momma doesn’t have time for that!
The Don’t of Finding Mom Friends
When looking for new friends:
Don’t over analyze. I’m guilty of doing this. Did I say the wrong thing? Were my kids well behaved? Was I dressed weird? Was there something in my teeth? I could go on and on. Save yourself the trouble and just don’t do it.
Don’t Facebook stalk. Seriously. I know it’s so tempting. We all know it isn’t the best real-life representation of someone’s life. Don’t start the comparison game and think there’s no way you two could be friends because your lives are so different. It’s okay to look to see their highlights, but don’t get sucked into believing their life is as perfect as Facebook makes it seem.
Don’t fret over potential hangouts. If the person said, “We should go out for a drink sometime,” don’t sit there in anguish constantly checking your phone wondering when or if they will text you. If they genuinely meant it, it will happen. Otherwise, move on. You’ll hear from them when you hear from them.
Moving is tough. Making new friends doesn’t have to be. When you follow these steps, you’ll have yourself a new mom tribe in no time. And hopefully, it’ll feel like you’ve known each other your whole lives. I know these steps have helped me each time my family has moved. I hope they can help you too!
Written by Stacy. Stacy is an intern that is currently finishing up her degree in marriage and family studies. We are so glad to have her working with us this semester.
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