Keeping your marriage strong and intact is really important! Don’t let cracks in the relationship creep in and break things down.
Don’t Let Your Marriage Suffer from Cracks In the Relationship
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We all like to think that we have indestructible relationships. Even though we have hardships, we can move past them. However, there are some cracks that can grow deeper and deeper under the surface, even when we think all is well. Here are some of the most common cracks that can grow into a full-blown gulf if we don’t recognize them and take care of them before they get the opportunity. They don’t have to lead a disaster, but if you leave them unaddressed, they most likely will.
Communication is Priority Number One
Talking out your problems is almost always the best way to solve them. However, the truth is that many people simply don’t learn how to communicate effectively and empathetically, even with the one they love the most. If you or your partner find it difficult to avoid escalating arguments, couples’ therapy can be a very useful too.
It’s not about finding the blame in a relationship or “fixing” any one problem. Therapy helps us build the tools we use to think and act more healthily on our behavior as a whole. Most importantly, it helps us learn to communicate more effectively and get a little perspective that isn’t our own.
New is Not Negligible
Spending free time together doing little enjoyable things without other interruptions totally works! If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. However, for many couples, there is that shift when the relationship’s spark is at risk of fizzling out. Familiarity sets in and the magic of it can start to fade.
While it is important to set realistic standards of how the relationship evolves and becomes more a part of everyday life as it goes on, it’s just as important to keep the spark alive by creating new experiences together. Not just in the bedroom, either.
Trying new hobbies, new destinations, new conversations can help engage you the more. You create more first memories with the person you love, making their continued part in your life even more important.
You have to take the time to address the practicalities of life. This can be a scary process. If your plans don’t match up, it raises some very legitimate questions about how well suited a couple you are.
However, letting a relationship go on for years without addressing the big questions of family, where you would like to live, what career you do or don’t envision for yourself, and finances, they can become the biggest points of contention.
When the relationship is much more committed on both sides, those contentions can be a major source of heartbreak.
In the two points above, some compromise may be necessary. You might be the one making the effort to spice up a relationship, or the one willing to sacrifice your career to help theirs. But it is essential that a natural give-and-take forms in a relationship.
You shouldn’t have to keep score, nor should you assume that you can rely on your partner to continue making an effort if it’s one-sided. Not only does it nurse resentment in the one putting in more effort. The one receiving the benefits can start to feel more like they’re a benefactor than an equal part of the partnership.
Contributing your fair share is essential.
Nursing Old Wounds
You shouldn’t keep score in a relationship. There are some wrongdoings that you might find unforgivable. Major abuses of trust, whether it’s in regard to finances or fidelity, might be the one thing you can’t forgive and that’s your prerogative. For everything else, however, learning to forgive your partner may be essential.
We all fall under the other’s estimation or make a mistake or do something hurtful at one point or another. Finding someone accountable isn’t the same as repeatedly punishing them for past mistakes, however.
Making a conscious, active effort to forgive them, rather than sweeping it under the rug, is an essential part of this process. Learning mindfulness techniques can help you identify habits, such as conjuring up images of the hurtful thing or betrayal, and stop the process from happening, too.
Where you draw the line when it comes to what is and isn’t a deal breaker in your relationship is up to you. However, so long as it is safe and there’s love in it, there’s very little that can’t be fixed if you simply take the initiative on it early. Are any of the cracks mentioned above present in your relationship?
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Michele is a Family Life Educator. She is a mom to 5 kids and loves helping others strengthen their families! When she is not blogging she is spending time with her family and running around drinking Diet Coke trying to get everything done!