The Hardest Goodbyes
I feel a physical pang in my stomach that is indescribable. It happens 4 times a year; when I watch two of my greatest joys walk down the long runway to get on the plane to go see their dad. I feel the tears stream silently down my face. I hear the sobs of Talie wanting to chase after her older brothers. Hugging her and telling her they will be back soon doesn’t work because she doesn’t understand, she is only two. I push TJ in the stroller as I carry a sobbing little girl who just wants her brothers. We miss them already. We walk to the car hugging each other, we get in and start the silent drive home without a piece of us.
The boys’ dad and I have figured out how to co-parent pretty well, always putting the boys’ needs and desires before our own, but it still does not make the sadness go away when they are gone.
The Things You Miss
You tend to start to miss the endless amounts of laundry they make, their shoes throughout the house. The little scuffles over who’s turn it is to play video games. The jokes they tell, the music they play and sing, and the requests to play outside with them. At dinner, you miss them “accidentally burping” and blaming other bodily functions on each other. I know what you are thinking, how do you miss all of that? but somehow you still do because it is a piece of them.
Throughout the day you find yourself wondering what they are doing and wishing you could talk them all the time. You find yourself listening intently for your phone to ring in hopes it is them just to say, “hi!” You begin to count down the hours until you get to see each other again. You find yourself thinking the house is way too quiet without them in it.
The hardest goodbyes are watching my kids go away, but these hard goodbyes make all the moments with them even sweeter. It makes you cherish all the moments that everyone else takes for granted. It makes you grateful for the time you do have. It makes you love a little more while they are with you. The reason why I feel the pain when they leave is because I love them so much, and every time I feel that pain makes me realize I love them even more than I did the last time they left.