Divorce is never something anyone should enter into lightly. If you are contemplating divorce here are some key questions you need to ask yourself first!
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Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting A Divorce
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Getting married for most people is one of the happiest days of their lives. However, some may look back on this day and wonder if they even still know the person they married. Or they realize they have changed over time. At this point, they sit at a crossroads, keep trying, or end the relationship. Divorce is never something anyone should enter into lightly. If you are contemplating divorce here are some key questions you need to ask yourself first!
Have You Made Your Concerns Clear To Your Partner?
This needs to be the first question you ask yourself. Often, we are guilty of assuming that our partner knows what the issue is. But yet, we don’t take the time to talk with them about it. We think people can read our minds, but of course, they can’t! While you may assume that the problems are evident, your partner may not feel the same way. Spell out your concerns to them. Make it clear to your partner what the issues are so that you can both be on the same page. Perhaps your partner has not been trying to improve the relationship because he or she does not realize that there is an issue, to begin with? Or, they believe the problem lies elsewhere?
What is Your Biggest Fear With Ending Your Relationship?
So, you are thinking about getting a divorce, but you haven’t done so yet. Is something is holding you back and making you unsure? What do you worry about in terms of ending the relationship? These fears can be a sign that you still love your spouse and want to stay with them. Listen to your fears and get to the bottom of why you are feeling a certain way.
Do You Still Love Your Spouse?
This is an important question to ask yourself. Just because you think you don’t love your partner is not a reason to give up. Exhaust all your efforts to fall back in love with your spouse. Show love for your partner, and try to rekindle the spark you once had.
Would You Really Be Happier?
We all know the saying, “the grass is always greener..” But you need to ask yourself, will the grass really be greener? You need to think about what you are going to be giving up. You should make a list of everything you will lose by not being in a relationship. For example, companionship and joint parenting. Think about the things that will be harder as well. Once you have put together this list, you should look at it and ask yourself, am I willing to give this up? Am I willing to make my life harder in these aspects? There is a big difference between living with your spouse and kids and living without all this.
If There Was a Way to Save Your Marriage, Would You?
This is a key question. It will help you decide if you want to save your marriage! Are you willing to do anything? Or have you already given up? You can read more here about if you are already headed towards divorce in your mind. If you or your partner was willing to change would this make you try harder? For example, if your partner gives you more attention would that help? You may feel like they can never achieve what you hope, but people do anything to save their marriage. There is always hope. If you can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel for things to get better, perhaps you have reached the end of the road. But, don’t give up until you have done everything you can!
Do you Have Different Expectations?
Sometimes in marriage couples have different expectations than each other. Often times partners have different ways of doing things. For example, you may expect your partner to take the lead in financial matters, yet he or she may not want to do this. This can cause friction and problems. Getting on the same page regarding your roles and responsibilities may help you to have a happier marriage rather than going down the path of getting a divorce.
Hopefully, these questions will help you understand a little bit more where your head and your heart are at in regards to divorce. Perhaps, there are things you can still try to save your marriage! Remember the good times in your relationship and try to focus on those things. Find time to try everything you can to get back to where you once were. Every person deserves to be happy and at one point your spouse made you extremely happy. So, give your marriage a fighting chance, before pulling the plug on your marriage.
Michele is a Family Life Educator with her degree in marriage and family studies. She is a mom to 5 kids and loves helping others strengthen their families! When she is not blogging she is spending time with her family and running around drinking Diet Coke trying to get everything done!