100 Funny Weather Jokes That Will Blow You Away [Free Joke Cards]

• How do you prevent a summer cold? Catch it in the winter.
• What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
• Why does this type of lighting like to play sports? Ball lighting.
• What did one lightning bolt say to the other? You’re shocking!
• How do hurricanes see? With one eye!
• Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado? Let’s just say it was an udder disaster.
• What did one thermometer say to the other thermometer? You make my temperature rise.
• What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA!
• Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open? She expected some change in the weather.
• What’s the difference between weather and climate? You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.
• What did one hurricane say to the other? I have my eye on you.
• How do you find out the weather when you’re on vacation? Go outside and look up.
• What did the tornado say to the sports car? Want to go for a spin?
• When are your eyes not eyes? When the cold wind makes them water!

• What’s a tornado’s favorite game?! Twister.
• What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!
• What bow can’t be tied? A rainbow.
• What falls but never hits the ground? The temperature.
• What does everyone listen to, but no one believes? The weather reporter.
• What is the opposite of a cold front? A warm back.
• I heard Humpty Dumpty had a great summer.. But he had a horrible fall.
• Why is the sun so smart? It is over 5,000 degrees.
• What do you call it when it’s pouring ducks and geese? Fowl weather!
• What is the best day to go to the beach? Sun-day, of course.
• What does a weatherman wear under his trousers? Thunderpants.
• Did you hear about the woman who wore sunglasses? She took a very dim view of things.
• Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go the beach? They peel!
• Why did the lighting get into trouble? It didn’t know how to conduct itself.
• What do you eat when you’re stuck in cold weather and angry about it? A brr-grr.
• If an orchestra plays in a thunderstorm, who’s most likely to get struck by lighting? The conductor.

• What is a king’s favorite kind of precipitation? Hail!
• Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
• What did one raindrop say to the other? Two’s company. Three’s a cloud.
• What do you call a bear that got caught in a storm? A drizzly bear.
• What is a queen’s favorite kind of precipitation? Reign!
• Where do lightning bolts go on dates? To cloud nine.
• How hot is it? t’s so hot that when I turned on my lawn sprinkler, all I got was steam!
• How much does it cost Santa to ride his sleigh around the world? Eight bucks. Unless the weather is bad, then it’s nine bucks.
• Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snowbank.
• What cloud is so lazy that it never gets up? Fog!
• What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? One is reined up and the other rains down.
• What do you call a kidney doctor who can also predict the weather? A meaty-urologist.
• How did my cat know about tomorrow’s weather? He looked at the fur-cast.
• What did the tornado say to the sports car? Want to go for a spin?
• Why did the man only wear one boot into town? He heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

• What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle!
• What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister.
• Why shouldn’t you start a fight with a cloud? He’ll storm out on you.
• Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.
• What is the best day to go to the beach? Sun-day, of course.
• Where do lighting bolts go on stress? To cloud 9.
• What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales? A snow-fake!
• Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open? She expected some change in the weather.
• Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? They peel!
• How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the winter!
• What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers.
• What is a king’s favorite kind of precipitation? Hail!
• What does everyone listen to, but no one believes? The weather reporter.
• What did the evaporating raindrop say? I’m going to pieces.
• Why is the sun so smart? It has over 5,000 degrees.

• What do you eat when you’re struck in cold weather and angry about it? A brr-grr.
• You need to try meditating during a storm. It’s a really in-lightening experience.
• What is a Mexican weather report? Chili today, hot tamale.
• What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles!
• Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle
• The weather forecast says it won’t rain for three months… but I drought it.
• I saw a turtle during a thunderstorm… you could say he was shellshocked.
• I tried to catch some fog… but I mist.
• It’s so hot that when I saw a heatwave… I waved back.
• Why do raindrops like lighting at night? So they can see where they are going.
• How does a hurricane see? With its eye.
• What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? A weekend.
• What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
• When does it rain money? When there is “change” in the weather.
• What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? You make my temperature rise.

• What did the lighting bolt say to the other lighting bolt? You’re shocking!
• What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up? Fog!
• What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear!
• Vacationing in Vermont, I picked up the local paper to check out the forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 76. Tonight: Not so sunny, 55.
• Did you hear about the woman who wore sunglasses? She took a very dim view of things.
• How did my cat know about tomorrow’s weather? He looked at the fur-cast.
• If you think raining cats and dogs is bad… you should see hailing taxis!
• You never see owls being amorous in the rain… It’s too wet to woo.
• What bow can’t be tied? A rainbow!
• I received a message from the Sun. After reading, I was enlightened.
• It’s so hot outside… everyone is wearing sweatpants.
• Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they traveled slow, we’d have to call them slow-i-canes.
• There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.
• What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains? The ocean.
• What did Santa Claus’s wife say during a thunderstorm? Come and look at the rain, dear.

• What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert? Candy canes.
• Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues.
• Why did the weather want privacy? It was changing.
• What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have? A very dry sense of humor.
• What type of music do lightning bolts listen to? Rock and Roll.
• What do you get from sitting on the snow too long? Polaroids!
• What did one raindrop say to the other? Two’s company, three’s a cloud.
• What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? One is reined. up and the other rains down.
• Can bees fly in the rain? Only if they wear their yellow jackets.
• What did the tornado say to the sports car? Want to go for a spin.

Share your favorite funny weather jokes in the comments!